To really live

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2009-02-11 00:55:20

Last author: Chimes
Owner: Chimes

# of watchers: 2

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You must use each set of five either in a fiction or poetry piece. Inflections allowed, but you mustn't change the lexical category. If the word could be in several categories or have several meanings, pick freely which to use.

Set three: collapse, excite, lighthouse, skein, thrive

I'm not entirely sure what I think of this, probably because I have only just written it. It takes me a while to form valid opinions of my poetry, I automatically say 'it's crap' - it's a reflex. I'll probably know what I think tomorrow. Hooray.

<img:stuff/ChallengeChimesdiv.png>

To really Live.

To thrive, they say,
To really live,
You're not to dream.
You're not to excite
That lighthouse in your mind,
Not to let, to make, it shine.
Let it collapse and let it fall
As if it weren't there,
Not at all and not so tall.
Dear, no.

That skein you follow,
Round and round,
Up and down,
Must rip and tear,
Must be shot from the air
And land there with the
Lighthouse-dark.
You're not allowed to dream,
You see,
If you really want to live.
My dear me...

<img:stuff/ChallengeChimesdiv.png>

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2009-02-11 [Linderel]: I like. I really, really like. <3

2009-02-11 [Chimes]: Why so? *small dance of joy* :D It was quite difficult but I knew what images I wanted as soon as I looked at the words, it was just a matter of putting them down on virtual paper in a decent way. XD I reserve my opinion making until tomorrow, though. XD Otherwise I'll be too 'Baaaaah, it's crap!' :P

2009-02-11 [Linderel]: It just... calls to me with its cynicism and and and the imagery and gah I don't know xD I like the moody, philosophical, almost conversational tone it's got going. And the last line of the first stanza? Dear, no. Love. <3

2009-02-11 [Chimes]: Haha XD Part of me wanted to add another line or two onto the second stanza, to make the end rhyme... but I'm not sure. XD Part of me wants to, that part of me isn't sure what she'd put, but also another part of me is like 'Noooooo! Don't do it!' XD

2009-02-11 [Linderel]: Don't know about rhyme, but now that you mentioned adding a bit I immediately thought of putting 'my dear (something)' there. <_<

2009-02-11 [Chimes]: That works too... when you look at the first stanza anyway. *ponders the possibility*
My brain just likes to end poetry on a rhyme... *flicks brain*

2009-02-11 [Linderel]: 'My dear me'? Then you'd get the rhyme, too :P
Monologues ftw xD

2009-02-11 [Chimes]: Hahaha. XD That would work... I imagine it in a little sigh-type voice at the end. XD

2009-02-11 [Linderel]: 'sactly :3

2009-02-11 [Chimes]: I think I will make use of your maginificent brainwave XD

2009-02-11 [Chimes]: Could mess with it by adding commas... maybeh XD

2009-02-11 [Linderel]: Haha, I am happy if my brainwaves are of use xD

2009-02-11 [Chimes]: Brainwaves are always of use. *nods*

2009-02-11 [Linderel]: Now if only you could fry things with them, too... :P

2009-02-11 [Chimes]: Now THAT would be cool. XD

2009-02-11 [Linderel]: Totally :D

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