# of watchers: 4
|
Fans: 0
| D20: 2 |
Wiki-page rating | Stumble! |
Informative: | 0 |
Artistic: | 0 |
Funny-rating: | 0 |
Friendly: | 0 |
2007-02-03 [Tigers and Trees]: It was impossible not to hear the voices in the main hall “Nonsense! Trust a creature to this delicate task? Have you all gone senseless? I haven’t, and I’m sure there is no possible way…” “She has been our alley and friend for many years, like her mother before her..centuries
This is not how you write dialogue unless you are doing something odd or creative (like something Ernest Hemingway might do). However, even then, it needs to be done in correct grammar.
Done correctly:
"It was impossible not to hear the voices in the main hall. “Nonsense! Trust a creature to this delicate task? Have you all gone senseless? I haven’t, and I’m sure there is no possible way…”
“She has been our ally (your character is not a narrow street with walls on both sides. She's a confident and trusted friend) and friend for many years, like her mother before her... (THREE periods are ellipses, and a space after.) centuries! She is well skilled and truly, the only one able to survive the quest, we all do know this. And then many voices broke in,..."
You also spelled paragraphs wrong. Spell check. Message me when you've fixed this and I will come back to finish commenting on grammar and spelling. Content comes later if you can handle it.
2007-02-05 [Dark Side of the Moon]: sheesh...
Take it easy there. English isn't [Nadie importante]'s first language.
2007-02-05 [Lothuriel]: Not to mention you used incorrect grammar yourself...
2007-02-05 [Nadie importante]: Oh dont worry girls they are silly mistakes that dont appear in my word document so no worries:)
and somewhere, english is my first lenguage but i havent studied in english for like 4 years so:P
2007-02-05 [Nadie importante]: Well there it is, a little corrected, I didnt put the AND after "then many voices..etc" because I simply don't like how it sounds...privi
2007-02-05 [Lothuriel]: Sorry, my comment was geared to [Tigers and Trees]....I should have said that.
2007-02-05 [Nadie importante]: I got that dont worry...But to tell you the truth it was just those stupid phonetic mistakes one usually does...and grammer..well thats why one of my best friends is a profetional english teacher:P
2007-02-05 [Nadie importante]: BTW depending on how I correct chapter one, I might divide it into two chapters! or not, its just an idea...so about this little wiki:-) whats everyones opinion apart from the contents itself, I wouldnt know what else to add and I dont want to give too much extra information since I would spoil the surprise:P
2007-03-02 [Nadie importante]: YEEIH! chapter one is finally finished, i will be posting up the changes very soon^^
2007-06-09 [birdsong]: I enjoyed your story very much!
You did a great job of introducing the charactors, the setting and the basic plot! Well done! I'm looking forward to reading more :D
Show these comments on your site |
Elftown - Wiki, forums, community and friendship.
|