-A relatively small collection of poems and prose that I, Jennifer Giacobbe, have written and transcribed over from my account on ElfPack. The first few poems aren't as good as the later ones, as when I began writing I was falling into a pit, so to speak, of major depression. Since then, I have not been able to write as much as I have previously but I plan on changing that soon.
Too Easy
Family,
People who think they know you
When really they
Are the ones who don't
The ones who know
You have a problem
But don't see
They're the ones
Causing it
They push you
To the point of breaking
Never seeing that
They are pushing
So far
That you are about to tumble
Over the edge
One could just as easily swich positions
and push them over instead
It is possible that you can feel
Too defeated
Too put down and
Stomped on
To accomplish what may seem
But too easy
Is that the right thing to do
After all, they
Don't even see that
They are pushing you
To begin with
Would it be wrong
To push them over
Oh, it seems way
Too easy
Your Regret
You keep screaming at me
I begin to look away
Away from the pain you see
It's devouring the decay inside
Why don't you stop
Do you like what it causes
The anger is going to pop
Can't we just put this on pause today
I've had enough
You're going to regret this
Do you have to be so rough
I'm ending this now
You keep screaming at me
I begin to look away (away from you)
Away from the pain you see
It's devouring the decay inside (rotting within)
Why must you do this to me
I can't take it anymore
I will be set free
Free from your grasp, I'll soar again
I'll make you regret
All those times you hurt me
I'll do it so you never forget
The scars you made me inflict
You keep screaming at me (screaming at me)
I begin to look away
Away from the pain you see (one last time)
It's devouring the decay inside
I'll make you regret
The scars you made me inflict
All those times you hurt me
I'll do it so you never forget
I'll make you regret
Broken Places
It's a broken system,
A broken place,
Full of broken people with
Broken hopes,
Broken dreams.
Everyones hurting,
Everyone's dying,
Little by little
Each day
You seem to
Slip away.
All seems lost here,
A lost that can't be found.
What happened to
The old days,
When everything and everyone
Was happy,
Sunny,
And loving life.
(What happened?
What happened to my life?)
Another jumped off
The third floor,
Wanting to end it all,
One of many
Who give up
Without saying goodbye
One final time.
It's a broken system,
A broken place
Full of broken people with
Broken hopes,
Broken dreams.
Everyones hurting,
Everyones dying,
Little by little
Each day
You seem to
Slip away.
All seems lost here,
A lost that can't be found.
What happened to
The old days
When everything & everyone
Was good,
We didn't have a
Care in the world.
(What happened?
What happened to my life?)
What happened to the lives we use to lead?
(What happened?)
How did we end up in this broken place?
(What happened to my life?)
The Strand of Hope and
Message Written upon the Heart
Lost in a black darkness, filled with hate and
regret; I'm falling into that black hole within my
heart. It loved so strongly for those close and dear, but
forgotton somewhere it ached in suppressed feelings and
emotions inside. Now, searching for that thin strand of
hope I held once before, I am living on the edge of
life. Trying to remember the good times at this present
time never felt so intense with questions and instability.
In time, like how many things happen, this will pass
and all will be well again. How long this will take, I
do not know...
Life
11/16/2005
It’s like a blade to my wrist,
Like a gun to my head,
Like a knife to my chest,
Like a rope to my neck,
Like poison to my body,
Waiting for that one
Moment I slip;
The blade,
The trigger,
The knife,
My balance,
My grip.
It hurts so much
Driving even
The most sane
Down to their knees.
Falling into the
Unknown darkness,
Destined, as fate.
Will the stress overcome me
And bubble over
Into a rage of hate
Caused by suppressed depression
And sadness?
This isn’t only me
It’s hurting, I know.
Can’t you see
What’s going on.
Everyone’s going,
It’s how you get there,
That’s the thing.
Don’t follow me though
If I leave you.
I may be lonely,
But I’ll feel worse
Knowing you
Could have made it
And didn’t because of me.
All because of me
I’m sorry
To have to say it this way.
But, love is what I need now.
Caring and sympathy
Doesn’t cure everything
I hope
This helps you
see it my way.
I just can’t live
Very much longer
In this cold cruel, hateful word
It’s driven down by society.
And society is so blinded,
In greed and self-pity,
By their ways
That they can’t even see
What is ripping them apart.
What is rotting and eating away
Inside of me.
What will eventually be the death
Of those who are weaker
Than the average
Cold-hard citizen,
Those with heart to hurt.
The Heart is Neverending
11/27/2005
My heart is being shattered,
With those last remaining pieces of love,
I give you all I have,
Until I have no more to give,
A dying empty heart,
Is all I remain as,
Until someone as kind and generous,
Gives me all they have,
And on forever, a circle,
Is formed.
A Family of Friends
12/13/2005
With love so complex
To be shared with all that I love
Equally amongst all that I've ever had
To be cherished like it never was
May they always know
Nothing could ever be right
Nothing could ever bring joy
Nothing would never be something more
Some things
People like me
Can't live without
Without
The ones I love
Andrea-Seth-St
ephanie-Lauren-Summer..
Friends are nice
But family is better
May you all forever remain
My family
A family of friends
I love you
A Rose
A rose
To you, as I told it to your nose
It smells so sweet
I’m glad we got to meet
This night, on such a lonely evening
I miss you so much, my heart, I think is bleeding
I wish that you, would remember this day, long
To share and cherish in everyday song
So lost, to memories so dear
Those lonesone thoughts, I once feared
I hope you remember this day forever
For I will never foreget you, no never ever
A rose, for you
Sleeping a Memory Away
2/17/06
Sleeping is good, because I dream
I dream of laughing with you over stupid things
It fills me with joy, I wish I will never wake
For when I do, there is nothing but hate
This house is so cold, and the world is too
Full of heartless people, not kind people like you
Sleeping is good, because I rest
I rest and hope I do my best
So that maybe someday, long but slight
Our lives will be different; in a new light
One day, I hope that time is near
But until then all we can do is fear
The world around us is changing each day
To where people like us will have no say
In the family matters, close and near
We can make no difference to those we hold dear
Nothing but all, those lonesome cries
Cries for hope, hope not to die
It feels kind of weird, saying this myself
But slowly, I think I'm convincing myself
It's okay, I know it's true
Nothing can describe, what we've been though
But still we're here, and we've stuck around for eachother
Even though, our worlds won't let us be together
This Home (in which I live)
2/22/06
Suffering alone in this forgotten darkness
Someplace lost and loveless
Thrown out and cast aside in fear
I live no where else, but here
This place is no where new
No where really special, it's true
I've been here before
But it's nothing I've not seen before
All the same, in it's own little way
Still casting it's same shadow in the day
But something is different
Maybe it's irrelevent
No, this place had seen too much
It's cold to the touch
Too much has happened here
Not good stuff that's happened here
Funny, am I the only one who sees it this way
Or do I always see things the real way
I can't stand to be here
Someone take me away from here
Far away, I cannot stay
Someone, take me far away
Living the Life Within
3/1/06
I don't know, I think I've missed it
Watching and believing isn't living it
I'm just bored and zoning
Yet just kind of floating
I wish I could have kept sleeping, this morning
Though, what good comes of snoring
I'm feeling a bit creative, almost something new
Maybe not quite so new
No, just something I can't quite describe
Something hidden deep inside
It's been released and now it's free
I'm glad it's out, for now I'm me
But still I'm floating and lost inside
Waiting for that moment, that I may die
Yes, it's here once again
This strand of life and desires for hope, does it ever end
I think you've rubbed off on me
I cannot stand to be
But I am only me
Living this life within
Neverending, this sin
It's nothing but this life I live
There is nothing eternal happiness can give
When your soul is lost and broken within
The Story of A Forbidden Happy Place
3/20/06 2:33pm
Hi guys, can you see, I'm back
Don't worry, I'm all an act
I'm not okay, I'll never be fine
All I can do is act happy and kind
I may seem happy, but it's all a cover
I cannot be who I am, now they will hover
If I mess up, and if I cut myself
I will be back in a room, all by myself
Not that it's bad, not at all
I love it there, don't get me wrong, I like it all
What really upsets me is nothing new
Nothing special, but nothing too few
It's big and loud, and screams it in my face
That I'm nothing but a huge discrace
Not that it's really there
But I still sense it everywhere
Perhaps it is all in my mind
Something all alike, I will learn in time
Now for my little stay, yes it was nice
Not hard at all, one might say, easy as rolling dice
I loved it there and I never wanted to go
But if I didn't there is nothing I could show
For all my hard work and all that I've done
No one would have heard from me after what I had done
I slit my wrist and carved in a name
Washed away all the blood and all the pain
Wishing away all my simple fears
As a the deep cut nears
Close to death or unconciousness, one may argue
But standing there I felt only sorrow
I thought about my friends, what they might think
Watching the blood swirl in the sink
Throw away my past and future in only one swipe
Never to think again or of another type
I stepped back with my little streangth holding my breath
Clenching the sink, I decided to rest
Only for a moment, then to the alcohol I went
Only I sip was managed and carefully spent
I then decided whiskey wasn't the thing
It always leaves what an untasteful sting
Went back to the sink and drove the knife across my neck
Taking another stumbling step back as I went
I then left the house, barely walking
Drained from blood and stumbling
Almost a mile away, into a store, I went and stood
Not sure what I was doing there, no one could
Not knowing what I was thinking, I'm still wondering
What the hell was going through my mind, I'm pondering
But still I went, to a bank I told them
They asked, why, still, I do not even know them
I asked politely and loud enough to hear
Some laughed and others awed, nothing of a gun I hear
They said the police station down the street
Had guns and to walk down the street, they did repeat
So I did, right, and when I got there
I stopped in my place and dropped, crying, right then and right there
I cried and cried and next thing I knew
A police officer was convincing me to,
Give what felt like random information, I had no clue
What was I really doing, what was I to do
I could no longer back out, I could not run
They had me in place, nothing could be done
So I went with it, not to cause trouble
And tried not to struggle
I went and took a ride in a Ford Expedition
Not looking back, no recognition
My officer was cool, we listened to Green Day and 101.1
Over the speed limit, we sped at about sixty one
I finally got there and began to take off my usual jewlery
They kept asking me repeatively
If I had been there once before
I reasured them, not before, never before for sure
They cleaned the cut that I had done to myself that day
The expressions on their faces, something hysterical, I say
They all looked like it was something really serious
I just watched them, feeling nothing but curious
I got inside, they took my pants and put me in a gown
I looked so pathedic, almost like a clown
Fidgeting around to find a way to sit
I only got to see the place called “CCSU” and that was it
There was Christina, age 14 and in 7th grade
Jennifer, age 10 and in the 3rd grade
Krystal, not sure on age and she was very shy
And myself, then, I just wanted to cry
We spent most of the time there in the day room
Nothing else happened then, until around noon
Jennifer left and Christina was realived
Then a boy named Christian came, age 11, I believe
A day went by and I thought it was fun
We even got to go outside. Oh, how I dispise the sun
Chrisitan got put in isolation for hitting Mr. James
He hit him in the head with a Nerf ball, four times
I thought it was completely hilarious
Mr. James was not kidding, he was furious
One thing’s for sure, the food was interesting
Nothing like the usual ‘worse than cafeteria food’ sort of thing
Though, it was expected, what can I say
Testing out what still passed as food really did make my day
We joked around saying that since the drinks were from Sysco
Everything they made was from pee water, so
We were being poisened and we should sue
Just because we hated the nurses, and they knew
Not too long after another then did arive
I was hoping no one annoying, that way I could survive
Adrian, was his name, and he was fun all around
But somewhere deep inside, he was lost and very down
Still it was very fun to see, and hear opinions of another
Because in that happy place we wore no cover
We three, Adrian, Christina and I, got along very well
And all that day, it all went very swell
I didn’t want to leave, when it was that time be
But I had to, I’m sure that was something they could all see
All and all, good it was, and I wish again that feeling to be
The feeling to be free and relieved to see
The way they really are in this world
Secrets most people keep grasped, their fingers around it, curled
So now, here I am, back to my normal old life
A little wake up call to renew some beliefs and strife
If I Could (You Know I would)
3/23/06
If I could
Reach through
Into your soul, pulling it close to mine
Holding your heart, so dear
Keep it tight in my hands and
Protected from harm
Not letting you fall, never to let you go
Into an abyss of a forgotten darkness
You know I would
If only I could
Whisper you secrets
Telling you repeatively
That I love you
And that nothing else matters
Guiding your soul through
You know I would
If only I could
Excape with you to your dreams
And live there with you
To do whatever you wished
Whatever we pleased
And never worry at all
You know I would
If only I could
And God forbid I fall
Never shall I just fall
But if I stumble, and if I sturuggle
You will be there, always there
We are holding each other up
Keeping ourselves in this world
If we both fall, there will be no save
You know I would
Distorted Fun
Started: 4/4/06 Finished: 4/9/06
All is happy you know
Nothing bad can ever show
All must smile and look up to the sky
Burning holes in our eyes
You enjoy the pain
It’s the only thing that keeps you sane
No one is to know
No one has to know
It shall be our only secret
No one else but we can keep it
Let us continue staring into the sun
As it burns through that feeling called fun
As slowly we grow to know
You reap what you sow
A distorted version of fun
As you begin to pull the trigger on that gun
Standing on the edge of that building top
Running red lights, not even planning to stop
Fingering that blade on that knife
Wishing it would take your life
What are you doing, what are you thinking
You’re going down, can’t you see, you’re sinking
You’re ‘giving them feeling’
Do you understand, you’re not seeing
‘But this is fun’, you say
Can’t you do it another way
Show me, how is this still fun to you
I can’t help but worry about you
Maybe if you teach me,
Teach me to be
I’ll join you in your fun
I’ll even help you load your gun
Of course, only if you do mine
And you’re note I’ll sign
We’ll have so much fun together
And never will we see another
One More Count on The Loser Meter
4/15/06 1:49am
I’ll give you my wish and say my goodbyes
And hopefully, we’ll learn to fly
Up to the Heavens, and way past the gates
We’ll soar on our own and never quite state
Our lonesome cries and bouts of hate
Never to say that what happens is all we can’t take
Pushing us slowly to that moment in time
Where everything simply rotates on dimes
A twilight zone, under the midnight’s light
Dazing all those within it’s sight
I’ll give you my wish and say my goodbyes
And hopefully, we’ll learn to fly
Lost and found
But still twirling ‘round
Bang-bang, goes the gun
And let us lose what we’ve brung
I thought I had lost myself
But all that I had, was all but myself
And I did not have the guts to say
That everything wasn’t going my way
So I’ll give you my wish and say my goodbyes
And hopefully, we’ll learn to fly
Somebody Please
4/19/06 9:30am-10:10am
Somebody help me, please somebody see
All these thoughts are overcoming me
What can I think, and what could I write
I don’t know if I could survive another night
Somebody help me, please somebody see
I don’t know what is happening to me
I thought I was doing good, and having a ball
But now I’m lost and I’m starting to fall
Somebody help me, please somebody see
Look at the damage I’ve done to me
Holding the blade, so steady, so dear
Watching the blood, as death comes near
Somebody help me, please somebody see
I cannot see the ground in front of me
I’m losing my balance, and I hate letting go
But right now I think it’s the best thing so
Somebody help me, please somebody see
My soul is ripping out from inside of me
Pulling, and slashing to put up a good fight
As slowly it lets out that last small light
Somebody help me, please somebody see
The fight inside of me is finally free
A decision made and a battle called
Layed on the floor, my body sprawled
Somebody help me, please somebody see
What have I just done to me
Lost, wandering in this dark abyss
Oh, the love of others I long for and miss
Somebody help me, please somebody see
This is, really, what I wanted to see
But somehow it looks oh so boring
There has to be something better in the morning
Somebody help me, please somebody see
Bright morning light does not come for me
What to see now, and what could I do
To possibly reverse what I had just gone through
Somebody help me, please somebody see
There is a tiring deep inside of me
Falling to sleep is all so fun
But it feels a bit different, when now it is done
Somebody help me, please somebody see
I can’t believe what just happened to me
I have woken up and with all such a scare
As someone’s eyes upon me, they stare
Somebody help me, please somebody see
My sad, hopeless life was given back to me
What can I do now, and what can I say
I guess I’ll try again some other day
Me(physically), myself(menally), and I(spiritually)
5/9/06 1:15-30am
These are my three
And sometimes they all can disagree
One subject to another
They argue with eachother
Until they have a battle begun
Or one loses interest in the fun
This can go on for hours
Lasts until an opinion is left devoured
Me, myself, physically can say, 'No way'
While me, myself, mentally can say, 'This is the way'
Of course this brawl never ends
Until me, myself, spiritually's message, she sends
'No this is the right way', a direction unseen
Perhaps the only way with a path pure and clean
Of course me, myself, mentally disagrees in this way,
'How do you really know this is the correct way?'
'I follow my heart, for I know it knows best.
No one can tell me, what it is here, to be left rest',
Spiritually replies in such a way
That only another spirtiually can see and say,
'This is correct, let it be but nothing else'
But whom is to listen, but me, and myself
There is but one who doesn't care me, myself, physically
But everyone else knows she makes it hurt mentally
So perhaps this discussion ends, right here and right now
For nothing but this, could go on and on like rythematic sound
Stopping it now, with this dull, thin, blade
I slash across those small blue veins
Stopping the rant inside my head
So perhaps tonight, I could just get to bed
"What does one do when there heart aches deep inside?"
5/13/06
When the heart you dwell hurts deep inside
There is a secret left behind the eye
Look close, for then you will see
What this cruel would will hold for thee
Find your soul and keep it close
Never let the one you live for pose
As something you cannot live without
If they leave you, you will see, no doubt
How much of hell you would really be
When your heart is aching with love to see
Careful with your choice to be
No one else but you can see
Be honest to yourself when you ache inside
Let no harm come to what answers you may find.
Suicide of the Masochistic Lier
5/26/06 at 9:15am-10:52am
Wandering, feeling the taste of life
Watching as you hold the blade of the knife
Walking on the edge of what is known to be yours
Sweat, now draining from your pours
What is known to be right?
Good, humaine, spirited, or bright?
You felt for the evil hand and
Bit down on the finger as it came into your land
It's curse upon your very soul, nothing like it ever told
Touching and grabbing hold
Like you never did before
WHAT ELSE COULD LIFE HAVE IN STORE!?
{Chorus}
It is a hard-grasping, pointless, game
Much like that of a good video game
Only once you're fucked, you can't restart.
And you always have to give it your heart
It wraps it's sick, twisted, lies around your neck
Choking you with no remorse, and given no respect
You lie into it's self, wait, watch, and see
And hope, it will let you be free
It sences your once again lies
Secret motives, hidden thoughts, it cries
And begins to harp into your inner being more so than ever before
Scratching, thrashing, and ripping you apart at the core
A normal person would be crying for death
But no, you.... you crave it like a meth.
Will you now tell the truth, or continue on,
Even when you know it means your death later on
Sorowful, lost and down about everything.
One, swift, deep cut, could sever eveything
Nothing truly matters!
Not anymore, WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMS TO SHATTER!
{Chorus}
It is a hard-grasping, pointless, game
Much like that of a good video game
Only once you're fucked, you can't restart.
And you always have to give it your heart
Your bitter words come out only to be apathetic,
Nothing ever to be said heartful or sympathetic
Not again, the blade slips
Never another word spoken, your lips
Dry-sealed tight in a hope you would one day survive
You will never tell anyone what aches on the inside
It was all just a dream you continually said
Lying to yourself as you lay in bed
“Nothing; none of this is real.”
“Why is it, this cut, I can’t feel.”
But oh so is only what you thought,
You’ll keep drinking, not a plan to stop
everyone else was right,
You can’t take it all night
Today was just a bad day
And you let it show, in not such a good way
(SEE THIS LAST BIG FUCK UP!)
{Chorus}
It is a hard-grasping, pointless, game
Much like that of a good video game
Only once you're fucked, you can't restart.
And you always have to give it your heart
Where were you but in the ashes of disgrace?
All alone, in your own little space
There you sat, and there you thought.
Pondering on what was real and what was not,
Lying about the past and unrequitted hopes on the future.
Now fallen to the ground, your mind a stupor
It was only life you were after
And he is not your master
It was only destruction you will face
FOR BEING SUCH A DISGRACE!
{Chorus}
It is a hard-grasping, pointless, game
Much like that of a good video game
Only once you're fucked, you can't restart.
And you always have to give it your heart
Here it is,
And this is your end.
Did you really think those last minutes would be great to spend?!
Watch me as I throw away this last drop
Your blood already won't stop
But what does it really matter,
You're already dead, the world, it won't shatter.
WHEN YOU'VE DIED INSIDE YOUR OWN HEAD!
One Trip Too Far
5/27/06 6:49pm
Falling fast, hitting hard
All these images leave my mind scarred
Scattered, lost, and breathing in deep
Losing control, a cut too deep
Gun shots, ambulence, and loud music too
These few things never come unglued
Drink the acholol, and hold it close
The clock strikes 12, five minutes post
Watch the floor, as it moves
It's coming fast, now watching the news
See the image, from the top
As all your friends, begin to drop
Feel the weakness rise
And the drungs give their prise
Gripping your sad broken heart,
As it gives one last pointless start
Laying there, stunned, amused and restless
You take another needle, against your arm you press
Shoving it in hard, desprate for something more
Forgetting about all the happiness you had before
Nothing but a dream, the pain you feel
Now melting away into a soft warm heat, fate sealed
Just a Poem
6/6/06 12:12pm
Just another May
Just another time to say
I wish this would show you, it may
Just another frozen hour
Just another mood gone sour
I can only try, though I have no power
Just another feeling
Just another something; appealing
I am losing focus now on the ceiling
Just another thought
Just another price un-bought
I am finding a motive, lost, but now sought
Just another strand
Just another moment so grand
I find no time, not with my short attention span
Just another song
Just another second, so long
I find no rythem, just a resounding gong
Just another drink
Just another heart, fall and sink
I have no real purpose to think
Just anothe job
Just another worthless sob
I can't see a point to the meaningless mob
Just another day
Just another small pay
I am still worn out from yesterday
Just another trend
Just another time to spend
I say, no one knows a real friend
Perhaps just a poem with no true end
A Bloodshed Romance
6/08/05
"Will we get up, or stay here 'till dawn?"
"Does it matter, I think I'm already gone"
"This may be true, but know I tripped,
When you did that last flip...
Your foot went up and you hands down
I was laughing. You looked like a clown."
"Yeah, something like that was how it happened
Now, I'm here, aching in pain, grieving-and"
"And? So am I, you took me out too you know...
Damn, and now I'm going to miss the first show"
"I think what happened was the show, my best act,
As that metal pole went right through my back"
"Through your back and into my stomache and side
As your foot and mine, they did colide...
That stupid cord, and stupid me
Swept me up and I turned to see...
What was it that happened, how had this come to be
As the blood now trickles down from benieth me"
"This is not your fault, stop the false blame
You know, it was only a small game..."
"But nothing will ever be the same!"
"Stop! Or you'll pass out from the pain"
"Why don't you realize, why can't you see?"
"Maybe I'm too distracted now that you're with me"
"I'm sorry but with this last goodbye,
-I do really hate for you to see me cry..."
"Goodbye, so soon, where do you think you're going?
You have got to stop this blood from flowing"
"I can't, you see, it would be worse then, if I move..."
"Just one last kiss then, that way you'll sooth"
"Melt me away into the abyss of nothingness
As I slip on this pole, pain, forever into lonliness"
Not lonliness, for I must admit, I cannot feel
No longer this pole, a memory lost, like a letter sealed
Our fate here, this is it. It's near"
"Speak of it no more, my dear, I fear
For how much blood and tears must I shed before the end
And to you, this memory, I send
One last kiss, for you, my love"
"May we forever live in that heavenly land my love
I shall hold you until
That last moment grows still"
The End Note
7/1/06
Sorry I don't make much sense
Maybe that is what I am to do
But use your brain and think for a moment
And remember, you can use yours too
Simple reminders in my past
Tell me that perhaps I'm too cold
Remember what it is here
That has been so carefully told
Not all things are quite as easy as they seem
I, for one, am most likely not
Like anything you have ever seen
I'll leave it here, a mystery told
Something soon, one day all with read
A life written down, and now a story left to unfold
The Time of 6:02
7/05/06 6:02pm
It's 6:02
With nothing to do
And all I'm thinking about is you
I just wanted to to say, "I love you"
And that I really do miss you too
Though I know it's nothing really new
No, I know these moments are not few
This, I could not wait any longer to do
I felt that these words to you might spew
I only wish that you knew
I was thinking about you
At this very moment, that is 6:02
A Secret Told; A Murder Uncontroled
7/17/06
Feeling the moment, let it pass
Nothing like this will ever last
Who knew it would happen this way
When now I can see the light of day
Lost and down, feeling around
Looking for something on steady ground
Never quite realized this would come to be
When you just happen to know the real me
I can’t help but lose control
It was always something mysterious to unfold
I’ll be honest now, what can I say
I really didn’t mean for it to turn out this way
Scared now, I’d hide from myself
This won’t really be good for your health
This isn’t good for you, can you see
And even worse now for me
Perhaps now I should backtrack and see
How much your life really meant to me
The Cure
7/18/06
I am tired of no one hearing my cries
I am tired of everyone passing my by
As I sit here in this still, bleak darkness
Nothing to spark the smallest joyus bliss
Feeling so very lost and alone
As nothing else but this darkness is shown
I only want to be heard and believed
For all my thoughts and stress to be relieved
Every question, thought and and answer
Never to spread in my mind like a cancer
I am tired of living, hearing nothing but lies
I am tired of seeing all my friends die
It almost seems I am the only with thoughts that posess
Either that, or no one else will confess
Almost like these thoughts to others are not known
Into hiding in fear, I suppose, they are prone
I wish only to take a step back and breathe
To assemble my thoughts so that I can see
In order to control my movements like an exotic dancer
So that every question, and thought get an answer
I am tired of hearing about an unfourtunate suprise
I am tired of seeing those that hurt not take a rise
Death Cometh Freely
8/25/06
Death cometh freely
Take a thought and make it meaning
Simply said and simply done
When nothing else but this can be done
Nothing truly matters
When everything else was just a disaster
Feels like nothing is ever going to be seen
For something more, it’s always something unseen
Death cometh freely
Make something seen; worth the seeing
What makes it so hard to understand
It’s just this world; the problem at hand
But nothing truly matters
When you can always ignore it, it’s be faster
But everyone does that now anyway
Why not give in and be like them everyday
Death cometh freely
Nothing can truly be done so sweetly
Someday all will realize the power
This kind of thing can impact; they’ll cower
Still, nothing truly matters
When they made this happen to begin with, the bastards
Always pushing and shoving and screaming their loudest
Like nothing even mattered, they think they’re the best
Death cometh freely
And they do it again and still give no reasoning
Beat them down into the earth dying without a name
Just by myself with this burning, aching pain
So what does it truly matter
This feeling, still this broken disaster
Take it away one final time
Before this whole thing becomes but a lie
Lucifer
1/?/07
Where art thou death?
Cometh for thy kin
Bringeth unto thee thy death
Thou shalt takest away thy sin:
Sought to thee eternal suffering.
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Stumble!