I Wish For You.
By Autumn Mac Arthur
6/29/07

This is what I wish of you,
To destroy my heart and create anew,
Make my heart how it used to be,
No cracks, Nothing bleeding from me,
Use super glue, tape, some stitches,
Get me out of these deep ditches,
Take me from this darkness black,
The darkness that resides in every crack,
Of what is left of my heart,
The one that you brutally tore apart,
The light that seemed so near,
No longer is as clear,
Our future is fuzzy and in the mist,
My wishes are no longer on a list,
All I want is you,
You are my stitches, you are my glue,
I have no choice,
As I sit alone, missing your Voice.
The hole in my heart where you used to be,
Is more empty then a waterless Sea,
Where's the man I fell for so quickly,
The one that stole my heart so swiftly,
And mended it with care,
The one that wasn't afraid of the Dare,
The risk of everything and everyone,
The one that said he loved me Tons,
You are the one for the Job at hand,
So will you take the stand,
Risk everything again and now,
Will you know how,
To tend to my heart once more,
To ease it and relieve it's sore,
To make it crackless and new,
Will you once again be my glue.
I wish for what I Lack.
I wish for you, My Beloved Zak.


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Time will tell
by: Autumn Mac Arthur
6/11/07


A thousand hearts,
A million parts,
Never ending amount of cells,
In my ears, Ringing bells,
A hint of destiny, a calling,
The need to stop Stalling,
Time is toying with me,
Keeping me from where I yearn to be,
My love miles away,
My love getting deeper everyday,
I will fight for him with all my might,
For he is my savior, My Knight,
Shining Armor and all,
Deeper,deeper I Fall,
Time, Time will tell,
If I really fell,
Or if my heart was lead to a sham,
Slaughtered like a sacrificial lamb,
Will I be good enough?
Am I good enough?
We shall see,
If I really am who I want to be,
Will he love me everyday?
Will he even Stay?
Will we have little ones?
Will I still love him tons?
The doubts, the thoughts,
The will he or will he nots,
All drift away like a birds soft coo,
Every Single time he says, "I Love You.".



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The Ability
By: Autumn Mac Arthur
6/11/07

Give me the ability,
the ability to fly,
to glide, to get through,
this world filled with lies and deception,
People that cause pain,
terror, horror, and much more.
All I ask Is this ability,
the ability to love,
support, and cherish,
Until the day I die,
Give me the ability,
I beg thee,
until I sleep eternally,
I shall give everything,
Just let me survive.
I awake in my life to realize,
I no longer need to beg,
To ask, to plead with God,
For I have the ability,
and I have had it all along.



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Goodbye
By: Autumn Mac Arthur
5/28/07


Your eyes, no longer see me,
They see right through, they no longer see,
the way that they used to,
They no longer notice what I do,
They are set on something else,something more,
This makes my heart very sore,
I must accept that you are long gone,
That we no longer share that bond,
it is broken along with my thoughts,
Having feelings comming by the lots,
I give in, you win, I loose,
This is something I had to choose,
Or was it my Choice,
I didnt have the Voice,
I know I dont love you anymore,
But My heart is still sore,
Whenever I see your face,
or you get several feet within my space,
I cannot help but feel so alone,
As cold as stone,
I need to let you go, as you did me,
But I dunno if I can do that as Easily,
Do I need space? Time to heal,
How much longer much I feel,
this feeling that makes me sick,
I need to make new choices, ones that i pick,
I cannot do this anymore,
My Heart cannot take anymore gore,
Please Give me the strength, the power,
to over come this Tower,
that bares over me from up above,
I must ignore their love,
Perhaps it wont hurt as much,
ignore their every touch,
I no longer love her,
The touch is the Bother,
I cannot touch my Love,
therefore I Look up above,
And wish time to pass by,
for it to hurry and Fly,
i must get out, before it is too late,
and I reach my fate,
of being so alone,
having that feeling within my every bone,
he is my savior, my knight,
the one that makes my heart go up in flight,
at the sound of his voice,
HE is my choice,
Forever, until I die,
I willnot tell that Lie,
Not again, will I say I love her,
For the Touch is the Bother,
my sin is that I keep Quiet now,
Silent, here with every bow,
With every Hug, every sound, every Hour,
I shower,
myself in that feeling, that I feel,
The dred, the dred is what is real.
I cannot tell this Lie,
so goodbye Angel, Goodbye.



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Eternally Happy
By Autumn Mac Arthur

One smile from his lips,
His hands gently on my hips,
Makes me eternally happy.

His lips upon mine,
As he tells me I am his sunshine,
Makes me eternally happy.

The look he gets in his eyes,
How different he is from other guys,
Makes me eternally happy.

The ways he shows his love,
Wrapping his arms around me like a glove,
Makes me eternally happy.

How he makes me feel,
Making my fantasy very real,
Makes me eternally happy.

How he cheers me up when I am blue,
All I need in this world is you.
YOU make me Eternally Happy.



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The Sweetest Nightmare
By Autumn Mac Arthur
5-14-07

I sit at my window and watch the moon shine,
Convincing myself I’ll be just fine,
Can I survive?
Am I worthy enough to stay alive?
You are not here by my side,
A hole in my heart a mile wide,
The hole is festering with decay,
This emptiness is eating me from the inside out,
I am broken inside without a doubt,
I am but a corpse, so cold and dead,
We lost the battle that we had led,
You left me here all alone,
Cold, chilled straight through the bone,
A fountain of tears,
As I awake to my fears,
Death, no longer at the top of my list,
I finally awake from my sleepy mist,
My eyes wander to your sleeping form,
My heart mends and is no longer torn,
Your steady breathing makes me at ease,
Stay by my side, forever please,
I run my hand over your chest,
Realizing that I am truly blessed,
Let hellfire, pain and slaughter come,
Allow the torture to add to the sum,
Expose me to morbidity I never knew,
As long as I never loose you.

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Nothing left.
By: Autumn Mac Arthur

You came, You went,
In doing so, You left my heart bent,
You made me cheerful, giddy,
In doing so, left the shame, the pity,
Life was perfect, untouchable,
Being without You is unbearable,
I can no longer stand it,
I’m now slipping into a bottomless pit,
You're gone and I am alone,
My heart turned to stone,
The day You walked away,
That was the very day,
That my life as I new it was over,
Nothing left to discover,
Just nothing left,
Nothing left.

No longer do I hear your voice,
No longer do I have a choice,
You were my everything,
My one, my only, Darling,
I say goodbye this final time,
To the one that I once called mine,
As I sit and stare out the window,
And peer at your disappearing shadow.

I strode past the bathroom and take a glance,
Of myself in the mirror, this is my last chance.
Do it.
Just do it.
He’s waiting,
Stop debating,
Stop teasing,
Stop breathing,
Just do it.

The knife pierces my flesh,
Is this my final breath?
Is this the end?
Or will I feel this Pain again?
The blood escaped my body, my soul, my heart,
As I realize that Death is the best part.

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Tales of a bleeding heart
By: Autumn Mac Arthur


Her healed heart, torn open anew,
No one notices but a few,
No one realizes her pain,
Flowing from her bleeding heart into every vain,
Not a soul cares,
Not a soul dares,
No one will take the time to listen,
Which is why, in her eyes, tears glisten,
She feels so alone,
Inside every single bone,
Every inch of her flesh, her skin,
Where did her pain begin?
Where will it all end?
Will her wounds ever mend?
Or will they stay open and bleed?
To heal, what does it need?
Love, strength, a will to survive,
Because love has taken so many lives,
The stitches in her heart,
One by one, they are ripped apart,
As the blood trickles out of her chest,
Knowing full well it wasn’t for the best,
Tears spill from her eyes,
She stands there alone and cries,
Drowning in her own pain,
Starting to think she is insane,
She’s crazy for dealing with her bleeding heart,
When was the end going to start?
No one dares, 
No one cares,
No one will save her from her thoughts,
She’s walking through a field of empty lots,
Her head bent down,
Suddenly she realizes that she is not the only one in town,
His spirit lies within her everyday,
She no longer has to Pray,
For someone to love her,
To cherish her,
To give her Bliss,
But the harsh reality is,
No one left cares,
No one left dares, 
She’s lost in her own imagination,
Obsessed with her chronic Indignation,
Against the world and everyone in it,
She hates everything, every bit,
So she walks alone forever,
As she makes misery her final endeavor.