A dog named Penis





Whenever I get lost, My penis points me in the right direction.





I think My penis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.





My penis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door.





If My penis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.





My penis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.





Help! I can't find My penis!





Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for My penis.





My penis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.





Sorry to be driving so fast, officer but I have to take My penis to the hospital.





OH NO! Something bit My penis!





Watch it or you'll step on My penis.





When My penis behaves well, he gets a bone.





Stop kicking My penis.





When riding in the car, My penis enjoys sticking his head out to be blown.



My penis is truly my best friend.





People say My penis looks cute lying down, but even better when standing at attention.





My penis: the crotch-sniffer.





There's nothing like a well-trained Bitch for My penis.





I've trained My penis to jump through hoops.





My penis always searches for an open hand under the dinner table.






Excuse me - I need a muzzle for My penis.





My penis ate my homework.





OH NO! My penis is frothing at the mouth!





Sorry I'm late. I was playing with My penis.





I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep My penis on a leash.





My penis doesn't come when I call it.





My penis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.





I love giving My penis a bath.





At night, I sleep with My penis in my hands.





My penis likes it when people pet him.





My penis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.





Playing with My penis really wears me out.





Would you like to see a picture of My penis?





Sometimes I wake up, and My penis is already active.





I think My penis has a mind of its own.





I keep a picture of My penis in my wallet



OMG how random is this???


[y = Yes n = No
Would you? Will you?
give me your number?
kiss me?
let me kiss you?
watch a porn movie with me?
take me out to dinner?
let me drive you somewhere?
take a shower with me?
buy me a drink?
take me home for the night?
let me sleep in your bed?
Sing car karaoke w/ me?
re-post this for me to answer your questions?
Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
Lock me in your room and take advantage of me?
let me make you breakfast?
help me with homework?
tickle me?
let me tickle you?
stick up for me if i was being put down?
get wasted with me?
instant message me?
greet me in public?
hang out with me?
bring me around your friends?
make out with me?
in public?
fuck me or get fucked by me?]

This song is mint you gotta find the song somewhere once i find the link ill put it up!

Dear Diary:

Mood: Apathetic.

My life is spiralling downward. I couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate me dry concert. It sucks 'cause they play some of my favorite songs like 'Stab My Heart Because I Love You' and 'Rip Apart My Soul' and of course, 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab'. And it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thingy. Like that guy from that band can do. Some days, you know...

I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be
You'd be non-conforming too if you looked just like me
I have paint on my nails and make-up on my face
I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
'Cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag
I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a fag
'Cause our dudes look like chicks, and our chicks look like dykes
'Cause emo is one step below transvestite!

Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don't jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo

I'm dark, and sensetive with low self-esteem
The way I dress makes every day feel like Halloween
I have no real problems but I like to make believe
I stole my sister's mascara now I'm grounded for a week
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies
I can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing
Girls keep breaking up with me, it's never any fun
They say they already have a pussy, they don't need another one

Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don't jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes
I must be emo
I play guitar and write suicide notes
I must be emo

My life is just a black abyss, you know, it's so dark. And it's suffocating me. Grabbing ahold of me and tightening its grip, tighter than a pair of my little sister's jeans... which look great on my by the way.

When I get depressed I cut my wrists in every direction
Hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection
I write in a live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses
I told my friends I bleed black and cry during classes
I'm just a bad, cheap imitation of goth
You can read me "Catcher in the Rye," and watch me jack off
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life
If I said I like girls, I'd only be half right!

I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo
I must be emo
Screw XBox, I play old school Nintendo
I must be emo
I like to whine and hate my parentals
I must be emo
Me and my friends all look like clones
I must be E-Mo

My parents just don't get me, you know. They think I'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy. Well, a couple guys. But I mean, it's the 2000s. Can't 2... or 4 dudes make-out with each other without being gay? I mean, chicks dig that kind of thing anyways. I don't know diary, sometimes I think you're the only one that gets me, you're my best friend...

I feel like tacos.