Soccer is my main sport but I play all of them. I am a determined individual and I will conquer what i set out to do. In this case I will make the U.S. National Team because I will work my ass of to do it. 

To tell me I kick like a girl is a compliment. Tell me that a skinned knee is an athletes badge of courage. Tell me the world is ready for a girl like me.

Female Comebacks!


Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmates
Cheer and clap loudly every time someoe breaks the silence w/ a bodily function noise.
Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."


How To Annoy People In An Elevator
Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.


General Ways to Annoy People
Announce when you're going to the bathroom.
Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.


Ways To Annoy People On The Subway
Stand in front of the doorway and glare at people when they try to get by.
Constantly ask people for directions.
Don't take a shower for a month.
Tell the people your problems. They really want to know.


Ways to Torture the Pizza Guy
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask if you they can put food color in the cheese.
Ask them to not put a band-aid on it this When your ordering, the last words you say should be... "oh and this conversation never happened" or ask him to repeat your order back and when he does tell him "alright that will be 17.85 plus tax

Ways To Annoy A Cop
Hey, you must've been doin' 125 mph to keep up with me!
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.


Annoying Things To Say To Other People
Would you hold this messy kleenex for me?
Would you look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
Can you believe they only gave me three years for killing my own sister?!
I've just been treated for tapeworms.


Annoying Things to Do at the Bowling Alley
Rent all the lanes, don't bowl.
Wear a baseball uniform, bowl sidearm.
Sit in your lane and heckle others with a bullhorn.
Run around sprinkling "magic fairy dust" on everyone's balls.


Ways To Annoy People At The Movies
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.


Annoying Things To Do At School
leave a Snickers bar in the toilet.
Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".
Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.

HAHA those are fun sometimes but I don't recommend them!


Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

The Top Ten Reasons to play soccer...
1. Penalties will not go on your permanent record
2. Better things can be done with hands
3. Referees can't be bought
4. Tackling is done w/o pads
5. Permanent physical damage is rare (unless your with us)
6. Use of head is optional
7. Cleats leave scars
8. Blood stains are easily covered by grass stains
9. 4 billion hooligans can't be wrong
10. Soccer.com

A girl and guy were speeding, on a

motorcycle, over 90 mph on the road..

Girl: Slow down. I’m scared.

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it’s not. Please, it’s too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It’s bugging me.

(In the paper the next day)

A motorcycle crashed into a building

because of break failure. Two people were

on it, but only one survived. The truth was

that halfway down the road, the guy

realized that his breaks broke, but he didn’t

want to let the girl know. Instead, he had

her say she loved him & felt her hug one

last time, then had her wear his helmet so

that she would live even though it meant

that he would die.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Hard Devon.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!"
"3rd time this week!!!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
F****** right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I
paid to come to the cinema and stare at the f****** floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f***?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f****** does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image
I really didn't need.

13. When you involved in an accident and someone asks 'are you all right?'. Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

12 Ways To Get To A Girls Heart--
1. Hugs her from behind.
2. Grab her hand when you guys walk next to each other.
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4. Cuddle with her.
5. Dont force her to do ANYTHING!
6. Write little notes.
7. Compliment her.
8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9. Say I love you.....and MEAN IT!
10. Brush the hair out of her eyes
11. Comfort her when she cries.
12. Love her with all your heart :

A white man yells to a black man. "Hey colored boy! You're blockin my view."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black"
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...]

A Few Quotes:

"The vision of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion when nobody else is watching." - Anson Dorance

"I searched for glory... and glory I did not see. I searched for victory... and victory eluded me. I searched for TEAMWORK... and found all three!" - author unknown

"Failure is impossible." - Susan B. Anthony

"I don't want to be the next anybody, I want to be the first me!" - Natalie Imbruglia

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." - author uknown

"Bustin' ours to kick yours!"