If we shadows have offended,
Think but this - and all is mended -
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream ...





He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.



ah yes, now thats much better isnt it?


http://xelin.deviantart.com/gallery/ - My Work.






The darn things were everywhere!!! eating at the flesh and blood of everyone around, you could feel them crawling across your skin, it was TERRIFYING!!! people had to drench themselves in a strange liquid, the smell of which made me want to gorge on bread and butter, seperately of course. the people were climbing the walls. so anyways, i walked up to the clown with particulary long arms and i said "Hows the times for strateigic placement of concrete bollards?" to which he replied "I'm sorry but we cant just GIVE away time sensitive information such as that which is the one that you want us to give to you. instead you must perform a task of sorts. go to the engineer of emphatic toad squishers, he'll fill you in on the details of the particular thing which is the task that you must complete for us in order for the information to be digressed between us and you." he then pointed with his particulary long arms at a pink and white tent, his lengthly appendages quivering slightly at the strain of havving to be part of his bodily mass. "Who the hell put THIS song on?!!" he screamed and i left him in peace with his monkey friend who had been staring at my ears with bulbous, unmoving eyes for the entire conversation.
The sky pulsated green and yellow in a most displeasing way as i approached the tent, an odd smoke swirled about it seeping through the cracks at the bottem of the tent and making the trees around quiver with the excitement a drunken teenager feels upon stumbling into a room oflarge, sweaty american footballers with rippling muscels and thick moustaches.
I tried my best to ignore the strange feeling poking me at the edge of my conciousness, tearing at reality and forcing me into a dark corner in my mind where the moss and bacteria grows, and i knew at that moment that i shouldnt have eaten that last sand piper. I held onto the rope and mannaged to roll through the doors of the tent, coliding with a disgruntled dwarven mime. i came face to face with the mime, the matted mess of makeup and beard that constitued its face threw me for a mind boggleing moment and i found myself vomiting a half digested sand piper into the mimes facial forest. to be frank, this upset the mime. its beedy black eyes seemed like pin pricks of pure hatred in a mass of vibrating, vomit covered mime. the sudden surge of hatred must have paralized it for a second, either that or it had recently undergone a lobotomy ... there was a suspicous balled patch on its head. regardless of the reason, i took the oppertunity to slip into the smokey shadows of the cavernous tent.
i took a moment to regroup and assess the situation. the tent was filled with smoke which made it difficult to live but i managed to hold, there were a douzen or so tables in the tent and a bar of sorts. jazz was playing and the tent was occupied by many shady figures in slick shoes and bad aftershave, they all covered their eyes with dark glasses which rendered them blind in the smoke.
A large round figure dominated the bar, weilding an oversized wrench. he wore an exceptionally large leather waist coat which had trouble trying to cover the majority of his great girth. he was covered in greese and his skin shone with it. he seemed devoid of hair except for a bristley moustache that covered his mouth, which was wide open and screaming. i cowered in a dark corner as the mind twisting scene played out before me. the man was screaming like a whale and throwing himself around as though his genitals were on fire, he hurled the wrench at something and an audiable bone splitting crunch eminated from an unfortunate toad that had foolishly wandered into the tent.
 the man's moustache broke into a smile as he calmed and waddeled with large strides to retreive his beloved wrench. he returned to the bar and began serving the customers.
cautiously, i approached the bar, fearful that he might mistake me for a toad which has been the case on more than one occasion.
i managed to make it to bar without any form of squishing being involved, except for a snail tht i stepped on by accident, i said to the man "So wheres the task that might be needed to be done by this being of ill fortune who so does need the information on the strateigic placing of concrete bollards for the sake of human nature and the development of smoothie makers?" to which he replied in a low rumbling voice "Shomwere rought bemeefe ouuurgh feetchs! Shmaals!!!!!" this did not bode well for me, i was already off on a bad foot with the snails and this only proved to worsen my affairs with them.
 i considered bargaining with the man but thought better of it, valuing my life more than my diplomacy with snails.
 i threw myself through the wall of the tent and lost conciousness as time readjusted around my velocity.
when i came to i found myself in a dark room, i was in a large bed and covered with woolen blankets which angered me considerably. a brilliant white flash lit the room for a split second from the window. i walked to the window, wresting for my freedom with the blankets ... i won. i looked out upon the world. it was night, the stars were morphing together in the sky and the moon was smiling down at me with evil intent. forgetting about the flash i walked away from the window, studying the room. i didnt trust it one bit, i could tell that it was plotting against me, i HAD to get out! i ran for the door and had an unplesant surprise when it opened into my face i was knocked to the floor dazed and confused. suddenly i was surounded by warm, kind faces. my body went ridgid with fear, i could feel panic rising up my spine. "oooh dear, did you bang your head sweetie?" one of them said. a heart stopping, piercing scream errupted from my mouth and i jumped to my feet. NUNS!!! these were god-damned NUNS!!! I ran blindly, trying desperately to escape some horrid fate. all sense of reason was abandoned as i ran there was only instinct and instinct told me to run. there was point of light in my vision and i ran for it, honing in on that single point of light, it grew larger in my vision as i ran faster and faster. suddenly everything was a brilliant white and i was blinded by its intensity, then there was darkness.
i was cold and this anoyed me. i found myself outside, the releife was palpable. however it was cold ... unussually cold and i realised that i wasent wearing any clothes. i shoke my fist in the air and screamed "WITCHES!!" but there were more important things to worry about ... i had to be careful, the moths were out and i could hear the resulting explosions close by. i needed to get out, the place was starting to get to me. i began to walk, avoiding a large fire, the fumes of a burning moth can kill instantly.
i was drawn to something, something in the air, a soft tune playing, i could feel it in my veins. it pulled me in untill i was standing in front of a woman with amazing green hair. she was trying to say something to me but i was enthralled by her hair. she became angry and i was confused. her mouth opened and continued to open wider and wider. row after row after row of teeth shone glistening before me, i wanted to run but my legs were angry at me for making them do so much work.
there was a sharp crack and a fount of blood gushed fourth from the woman, covering me from head to toe, as an arrow burrowed into her head. there was another crack as another arrow found its way into her, her hair was wet with blood and somewhat less attractive now.
A tall, handsome man stepped from the covering of some trees, brandishing an ash longbow. hewas wearing a green cloak and drew back the hood to reveal his striking features.
he looked me up and down and then offered me an icecream, i gladly accepted and held his hand as he led me into the night.

Safe As Mother's Milk

Its as safe as mother's milk they'll say
when wanting to assure you it's all O.K.

But mother's milk can be a deadly dish
if Mom, a downwinder, eats Columbia River's fish

Or consumes white snow - garden salads on the spot
then mother's milk can become a deadly lot

So I fed poisen to my nursing son
with radioactive Iodine-131

Just because we lived in the wrong place
I maimed my babe for that nuclear race

Safe as mother's milk

-Poet Unknown









Yet another Quote to add to my collection ...

"where a person seems to affect or to gain information about something through a means not currently explainable within the framework of mainstream, conventional science." - dont ask where

"She managed to mollify the angry customer"

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang

"The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true."
J. Robert Oppenheimer

"Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men."

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 (not sure if maths counts as a quote but hey)

"Mild heating results in chlorine, nitrogen, oxygen and water, while strong heating may lead to explosions."

"extreme environments such as space, car engines, battlefields, and children's toys."

"the unholy offspring of "the unusual marriage of convenience and naivety.""