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Northumbria Uni

Big Steph, Big Emma, Ian & Lil Emma

_:D

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Key for Lecturers
David Gleeson = US History
Joe Street = US History
Mr Hmm = The Gay Law Lecturer
Kevin Kerrigan = Steph's Law Lecturer

Stine (pronounced Stina) = The Norwegian student

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Big Steph *licks Ian* Ooh! You taste like you smell nice


Big Steph Why have I got a nose in my ear?
Big Emma Cos your ear's warm and my nose is cold


Big Steph It's like ear sex, but with a nose...


*After a lengthy conversation about size, length and holes*
Ian Belts are quite dirty aren't they?


Ian I've got a crold crotch


Big Emma Why doesn't he just get a pie and stick his penis in that?


Big Emma Oh no, no an M&S advert! It's like the middle classes just shat on me


Ian I'm having a straight day today
Lil Emma *confused look*
Ian I was having a gay day yesterday
Lil Emma *still looks confused*
Ian You know those days you just wake up and are like *makes manly cleary throat noise* and the those other days you're just like *makes girly Oooh! noise*


Ian I know I'm not manly cos I don't get uncomfortable going shopping in women's clothes


Big Steph She was playing with her ears like she was masturbating them


Ian Floorhead?
Big Steph I said Forehead
Ian I heard Floorhead
Big Emma I heard Foreskin


Ian Dare I say, but my sausage is hot


Ian I read that and thought it said breasts
Lil Emma 'Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them'?
Ian Yeah I thought it was a bit out there for J.K.Rowling


David Gleeson John Taplin? Tapelin?
John Just call me Tapas. Everyone else does
David Gleeson Why? 'Cos you're small and Spanish?


John I made this monster sandwich. Ahhh it was like getting a kiss from God! Not that I'm religious or anything....


*talking about realist literary critics*
David Gleeson He wrote about real people. Not about someone who's trying to shag Mr. Darcy


*After seeing a map of Europe in 1500*
Annelise Belgium doesn't exist? But what about the chocolate!!


Mr Hmm I was in London the weekend of the bombings
Ian.....Dogging


Lil Emma (on Msn after sending licking emotes) Mine was more special. Mine contained flu :D


Lil Emma Oh I wasn't well this morning. It was like... *coughs*...*vomits*... Whooops


Big Steph Has anyone told him it looks like he has a racoon shagging his head?


Big Steph Ooooh it has a penis.. It's a little Boy muffin!


Ian You've knocked his penis off!
Big Steph I've eaten it now
Ian *Gasps*


Lil Emma I read that as 'Tuo' and thought what the hell did that mean. I just got that it was saying 'Out' on the otherside of the door.


Ian I have to keep it up cos the seats push against it.


Ian I'll only sleep with men. That's as gay as I get.


Big Steph *musing aloud* I quite want Ian and Mr Hmmmm to go off together...
Ian The day I do that is the day I turn into a floating sheep


Tom I inadvertantly hit a vegetarian with a sausage roll once...


Tom I don't like my English teacher...She spells stuff wrong


Kevin Kerrigan The sausage factory of justice has sped up considerably in recent years


Ian My phone fails, it doesn't understand the word, 'sniggers' 
Big Steph Maybe it thinks you're being racist and sneezing?


Tom *after talking, and indeed miming about cupping imaginary testicles...* So you can actually TOUCH a metaphor, with mime... deep


David Gleeson Would Jesus say "I'm rich, I'm saved, screw you"?


John I understand tramps better than I understand most women


Stine That shirt is very circus-y...Do you think he's gay?


Joe Street As you can tell I'm either not David Gleeson or I've lost a lot of weight *Chorus of 'Oohs'* What? I'm just stating the truth


*Talking about red and grey squirrels*
David Gleeson Yeah the grey race is taking over from the red race. Can squirrels be racial? I dunno
Lil Emma Oh can you not just imagine a grey squirrel walking up to a red and just going "Hey nigga"?


Lil Emma He smells German. Smells? I mean sounds
John 'Cos that's not racist at all


Big Steph *Strokes Lil Emma's head* Oooooh. Your head feels very small.


Ian *about Lil Emma* If they're not popping out, you're rubbing them...


John Sex with him would be very rigid...


Joe Street Municipal Reform! Prepare to be blown out of the water with excitement over Municipal Reform. Actually it's really boring so I'll just go over this quickly. Consider it like bran. Tastes awful but it keeps you regular


John Can I draw a goatee on Pudsey?
Richie What? Tickle a goat?


Richie Sooo juicy
John *looks up worriedly*
Richie ...I meant the chicken


John I've always wanted to walk up to a girl and just say 'I've got a 9 inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears'


Lil Emma *sorting out Ian's hair* You've got a kink. I mean you're already kinky


Lil Emma I broke my Ear...Head....Shit


Ian *commenting on the ease of undoing headphones* It'd be easier to take the end out with those two big heads


Ian *after throwing paper balls at Emma on the bus and suddenly noticing he was nearly home* Time flys by when you play with two little balls


Katie It smelled like wet dog. And there wasn't even a dog


Ian Someone tell me why I'm fingering my hole?....Oh I can go quite deep....


*On the bus*
Lil Emma That woman's got a shower cap on hasn't she?
Ian Do you think she knows?


*Talking about the Titanic and how long it took to sink*
David Gleeson That's how long it really took you know. So Leo could run around and nearly be drown, and not be drown, and nearly be drown, and not be drown, and nearly be drown, and not be drown....And then freeze to death


Big Steph *about Rice Pudding* I like to think of it as the brains of my enemies


Stine Right I'm going to go play with my angry women
*John's face just lights up*


Big Emma *Grins* I poked the bush


Lil Emma I just misread this sign on a van and thought it said 'Population reducing vehicle' O_O