The Guardian Vesuvius: Chapter 5: Live and Let Die
"It is said that you never truly know what you have until you lose it. It could be argued that, perhaps rather than realising what you had, you discover what life without it is like and that is something you cannot bear."
"Have you discovered your special something yet, that something life would be empty without? There are those who don't realise what their special something is until they lose it, and that is truly tradgic. To have never shown that thing the attention, respect and care it deserved, to never have embraced it fully for all the wonderful things it was, that is something deeply sad. Hold on tightly to every single thing close to you, especially if you haven't found your special something yet, for the one you let slip might be the one you were looking for."
"What happens when two people have decided the same thing is their special something? To say something is your special something, is that to make it yours completely? Or simply to have it be part of your world? Can both be right? Is it possible for a special something to be shared? Or is that simply inviting jealousy, competition and, in the worst cases, hatred?"
"I asked what you would do if someone took your special something. What if it was theirs already, and you took it from them? The complications of unintentionally intertwined and conflicting feelings of the heart are well known. Just how far can they escalate? How much can a person change to get what they want? Is there even a limit?"
"Imagine, if possible, if it wasn't even as simple as two people fighting for one thing, maybe three fighting for each other. In the end of it all, one would be left alone, stripped of that which we have said is as priceless as the air we breathe, unable to get it back, already tried there hardest and failed. Sore, hurt, crushed, lost, without a reason. That person may as well be dead."
"but this is YOUR special something,
no matter what,
you haven't tried your hardest until you've won,
you haven't failed until you've stopped trying!"
After what seemed like hours, Misaro finally managed to gather the will to get up off the floor. His head was spinning and his eyes were sore but that was the last thing on his mind. It seemed that ever since he found Fayth's diary his sadness was getting worse and worse. A part of him wished he had never found it. It really was strange for Misaro, never had he imagined he would be wishing things to be like they were. Never through all the lonely years did he think there would come a time that he would look back on those days and want to go back to them.
It was a whole new world of pain for the little boy, yet another part of him was reminded of what was now possible. Misaro would still be oblivious of Fayth's horrible predicament without the diary, and it seemed likely that Vesuvius would never had decided to help Fayth had the two of them not met. He was so confused. If he really wanted to go back to not knowing Fayth's secret then he really was in this for his own peace of mind.
"NO! That isn't true."
Misaro shook his head as he wiped his eyes. No, that wasn't true. The last person on the planet Misaro cared for was himself. He felt nothing but hate and disgust for everything he was. There wasn't a single redeeming quality he could cling to. He would die to help Fayth. He would die just to make her smile come back, and he would want to stay and see it, but at the end of everything, her happiness was all that mattered to him.
There was someone else who mattered this much to him. Misaro decided he would go and see her again, having just been reminded how much he missed her. So, putting on his coat and with the diary cradled close to him, he made his way out of the house. As always, he looked up to the sky. It was a cloudy night but in the drifting breaks he could see a few stars.
"Mother... if you brought Vesuvius here to make my wish come true, thank you. I miss you so, so much." He smiled and closed his eyes, letting the light breeze dry the tears from his eyes. He imagined his mother taking him into her arms right now. All his pain and worries would melt away, he would feel his heart and spirit lift. She was always so warm he would have fallen asleep in those arms. Remembering where he was, he opened his eyes and finally started up the street. Most people would visit the grave or the place of death of their loved and lost ones, but Misaro's mother had no grave and had had no funeral. Misaro had wanted to give her one but couldn't afford it, and, as his mother had no friends or caring family, no one would help him. No one else in the world cared or even knew that she was dead. If Misaro went to the place she died there would be someone else there, in the bed she spent her last days in. Misaro didn't want to see that.
With nowhere particular to go, he just walked. He once made a makeshift memorial to her near the back of his house, but he was confident that his mother was always right above him wherever he was. If there were a heaven she would definitely have gone there, he thought.
Misaro was so very lost in thought right then that it really wasn't a good idea to be moving anywhere. He could run into anyone and he wouldn't know until it was too late. Misaro had already experienced it and knew full well that it really wasn't safe around here at this time. Yet there was someone else he was about to meet, someone who had managed to hurt him much more than any amount of thugs could. He loved this person more than anyone else in the world.
Vesuvius was on his way back to Misaro's house after having stirred up some panic for this Mr Funuchi, who seemed to be at the heart of whatever was wrong with Fayth. He caught sight of Misaro in the corner of his eye. Vesuvius sighed, "What is he doing?" He quickly made his way over to Misaro. With an impressive leap from the roofs to the floor he managed to land silently and comfortably. Misaro was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice Vesuvius until he had grabbed him by the shoulder. "HEY! Don't you remember the first thing I told you?!" Misaro looked up and seemed about to turn to face Vesuvius when he suddenly stopped and instead stared forward. Vesuvius gave him a bemused look. "Hey... you okay?" Vesuvius looked forward to see what had startled Misaro and even Vesuvius gasped and stared a while before looking back at Misaro.
Fayth was down the street, walking towards them. She was looking at the ground in front of her so she hadn't seen the pair yet. Misaro had frozen where he stood. Vesuvius quickly yanked the little boy up with him as he scaled the building to its rooftop, with incredible ease considering as he had only the one arm spare. Misaro barely had time to react to suddenely moving up the side of a building before they were at the top, a little gasp was all he could manage. Once at the top Vesuvius set Misaro down and turned to look over the edge. Fayth hadn't noticed them. He gave a big sigh of relief. With the confrontation avoided, Vesuvius remembered what he was saying. He stood up, pulling Misaro to his feet. He stood Misaro in front of him and scowled down at the boy. His voice remained quiet but his anger was clear.
"What the hell is the matter with you? Wandering around at this time, you're just asking for trouble!! Don't you remember the very first thing I told you?"
Misaro looked up at Vesuvius and it didn't take him long to start crying again. Vesuvius rolled his eyes and turned away. "Gah! Is that how you respond to everything? You are hopeless, you know, it's no wonder you…"
"YES I KNOW! I KNOW AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME! ... AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!" Misaro's face was so angry it looked completely different than usual. He closed his eyes and thrashed his arms like a baby. He had had enough of Vesuvius telling him things he already knew. Like how weak and useless he was, like he was trying to rub it in. If he knew everything about his past like he claimed then he should understand why he was the way he was. He shouldn't expect things from him that he couldn't do. Vesuvius slowly turned back to Misaro, shocked at the sudden outburst.
"Misaro...I...
"
"EVER SINCE YOU SAW ME, ALL YOU'VE DONE IS SHOUT AT ME, TELL ME HOW PATHETIC I ALREADY KNOW I AM, KEPT ME IN TOTAL DARKNESS ABOUT YOUR PLAN TO SAVE FAYTH AND LET YOURSELF IN AND OUT OF MY HOUSE WHILST TREATING ME THIS WAY! How... how can someone like you… care about Fayth at all?" Misaro tried to keep yelling, but he was now crying so much he was unable to. It was like an exhausted whine that strained its way past tears and erratic breathing.
Vesuvius turned away from Misaro once more but this time not out of disgust for him but disgust for himself. His voice was troubled and quieter now. "You won't understand...I don't work like you do. I don't work like anyone down here."
Misaro took a hesitant step towards Vesuvius and he pleaded with him. "You're right, I don't understand... If you won't tell me anything, if you won't let me know anything about you... how can I understand? You know things about me, things I've told you and things I haven't told anyone, but you're a total stranger to me..."
"You're not even supposed to know I exist. …I'm not supposed to reveal myself to normal people." Vesuvius walked away. "I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything. You'll just have to deal with it."
Misaro sighed and sat down. He whispered to himself. "I... wish... I wish it was enough for me to just know people. Fayth, Mother, you... if I could be happy just knowing those people... I wouldn't hurt at all. It isn't enough but, as usual, it's all I can have. I'm sorry for prying… it's just... I wanted so much to believe that you could be someone who wanted to do more than just know me, too... but I guess you know enough about me to see...I'm the worst person to be around."
Vesuvius stopped at the edge of the building. He hesitated before he spoke. Even though Misaro had whispered he had heard every word. "Well... I can't get to know you. Not you, not anyone... So why not, just for once, not take it personally, okay? We're doing this for Fayth. Your part in the plan is key... just try and let that be enough. Forget your own problems, because I have no room to care for them". Without another word Vesuvius leapt to the next building and out of sight. Misaro was left sitting there, silent. Not crying, but despairing like crying was not enough. For now he was even more sure that he was going to be this alone forever. Nobody would get close to him.
Fayth continued on her solemn way past where Vesuvius had once again left Misaro. She had become so numb that, even on her own, not one thought went through her mind. It was almost a mercy on her that she was unable to concentrate on what she was going through. It was something she had taught herself to do after a while. Of course, there was little escape from the reality when it came right at her. Her eyes lifted as she noticed something in front of her. When she saw the three suited men before her she gasped in horror, a look of utter terror sweeping across her face. Her entire body seemed to wretch in fear. Tears ran down her face but she was to afraid make a sound.
"Heh, found you! You know that Mr. Funuchi demands you back at the estate by nine at the latest. You just don't learn do you, you stupid bitch."
" I... I... I didn't… I didn't know the time... I'm sorry…"
"Mr Funuchi thinks you had something to do with the attack on him and his house. What do you think?"
"What? ...No… No… I had no idea anything had happened... I've been out all day... I..." she broke off her sentence and covered her mouth at what she her just said.
The men were outraged. "What?! Out all day! ...That is it...now we'll have to teach you AGAIN what happens when you go against Mr Funuchi's orders." As the men approached her she froze in fear, her face paling.
One of the men took a large step towards her and raised his fist to punch her. Suddenly, he fell to the floor like he was dragged there by some incredible force. It was only when he had stopped moving that the reason became clear. A man had jumped from the rooftops and dropped straight onto Fayth's assailant's outstretched arm. His gauntlet pressing painfully down on the man's elbow, Vesuvius stared right into the man's eyes. He was still balancing in the position he had landed in, with all his weight on the gauntlet and his legs up in the air. His stare struck fear into those who saw it, a gaze that promised punishment without mercy.
"You think this hurts? You haven't felt anything." Sparks flew from the gauntlet as the metal weight shot down the rail and smashed straight into the man's elbow. The horrifying crunching noise was almost drowned out by the man's yells of agony. The other two men had barely realised what had happened as Vesuvius brought his legs down and stood up straight, his eyes shifting to them. They gasped as the piercing eyes seemed to literally hit them.
"W-we'll remember this... Mr Funuchi will have you dead, you stupid fuck. You'll regret messing with us." The two men turned to run but Vesuvius's plan required that there be no witnesses to identify him. Mr Funuchi was not to know what he looked like. With a swift dash Vesuvius leapt on the back of one man and wrapped his arms around his head and with a brutal twist, broke his neck. Leaping off his shoulders, he grabbed the last man by the back of the head and ploughed his face violently into the road. He breathed out as the last man died and slowly rose. There was no need to dispose the bodies of these men. The authorities would recognise them as thugs of Mr Funuchi's and put their deaths down to another bloody fight between gangs.
Vesuvius was about to walk away when his hand was taken by another, a hand so gentle and soft he was stopped in his tracks. He turned to see Fayth. Her teary blue eyes were so beautiful as she smiled at him, even her smile seemed almost magic.
"Thank you for saving me… again. I just wanted to say that before you go." She blushed and looked away to hide her embarrassment.
Vesuvius was completely taken by her innocence and kindness. He knelt down to her level and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Very soon you won't ever have to hear another word from Funuchi. You will be able to live, I promise you. Just hang on just a little longer and don't tell anyone about me, okay?"
Fayth slowly looked up at Vesuvius. For the first time ever in her life she felt safe, she felt happy, she felt real hope. She didn't want to go back now. She wanted to stay with this man, this powerful saviour, her hero. She threw her arms around him and cried, "Don't… don't make me go back, please, I want to stay with you. W-when I saw you, that time, outside the club, I knew straight away... that you knew what was happening to me...and that you were going to help me."
Vesuvius gently took Fayth's arms away from him and stood back up. He shook his head. "I'm sorry... but if I am to continue to help you to escape from this, there can be no suspicion. You have to go back now or you will never be able to leave, do you understand?"
Fayth looked down and nodded slowly. "Yes… but I'm so afraid... I'm always so afraid to go back."
"Be afraid. You can be… you should be. All I need you to be is strong enough to hold on." Vesuvius turned to leave again when Fayth suddenly placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and lightly squeezed his hand. Slowly she backed away from him and smiled before turning away and running off. Vesuvius felt himself becoming attached to her. He quickly stopped himself. "NO! I can't let that happen. I cant!" He whispered to himself, "I have to... keep myself alone, don't I, Zanados?"
Misaro had wanted so much to turn away, yet he had watched the scene play out before him, Vesuvius saying the words he could never think of, so easily doing all the things he had dreamed of doing for six long years. Finally now he turned away from the street, his hand clasped over his mouth. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. He could feel his heart twisting in his body, his body rejecting the things he had seen so much he was nearly sick. He couldn't bear it, though he understood it. He could all too clearly see why Fayth would fall for Vesuvius over someone like him. The real pain came from the fact that the person who he thought was to answer his wish, the one he thought would bring that smile back into his life had just taken away his only avenue of dreams. He already knew that he would never be able to be with Fayth, but to see her heart close to him forever pained him beyond anything he had felt before.
Vesuvius, Fayth, both of them wanted nothing to do with him, yet he wanted to be close to them both so much. Now he was truly alone, now he had nothing left to live for. He had no source of strength or will and it took next to no time at all for the pain to completely consume him. He forgot everything else that was going on. Yet through all this the thing that hurt him most was that this pain confirmed that the only reason he was in this was for his own peace of mind. He couldn't stand to know that among all the other terrible things he was, he was also selfish. He didn't deserve to go on, he didn't contribute to anything, he wasn't even alive anymore, he was just a hopeless anguish waiting to end.
"Just as well," he finally said, rising slowly to his feet, "that he left me all the way up here..." Misaro took another step towards the edge. "Mother… I'm coming home to you. I'm sorry I gave up... I-I'm so sorry." Misaro took another step, one he knew would find no floor. His body fell forward and he closed his eyes.
Soon the struggle would be over for him.
Thank you so so much for reading =^w^= *tackles you and cuddles you*
Chapter 6: Unaware, Unfurled, Undone
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