Family Quotes

Helping you understand where my insanity comes from :D

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Family Quotes 2

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Nicole Is Elton John still alive? Oh he is isn't he? Doesn't matter...


*whilst shopping in ASDA*
Nicole Mam can I have some money?
Mam *laughs* Crap off
*sometime later*
Nicole Can I have some money!
Mam Go away and stop calling me names!
Lil Emma You were calling her names!
Mam Oh yeah...


*At the caravan*
Nicole Where'd all the sheep go?
Mam They went into the other field
Nicole But why was there one left by itself?
Lil Emma Maybe it fell asleep and when it woke up they were all gone
Nicole Don't you think they'd tell her? You know, like 'Come on Margery. We're going into the next field.'


*Dad randomly talking about womens clothing*
Lil Emma Are you sure you weren't a woman in a past life?
Dad Yeah I was. I made a right boob of it


*Mam points out a guy that's been fishing*
Dad *peers out the window* Is he wearing waders like?
Mam No
Dad Whey how'd you know he's been fishing?!
Mam It's a dead give away when he's got a fishing rod in his hand!


Dad *Straining to open a Go Ahead biscuit wrapper* Why do they make them so hard to get into! Go Ahead. Give yourself a hernia!


*Nicole rambling on about something*
Lil Emma Nicole! Do you want me to hit me with my book? Hang on...I said that wrong


*Nicole pretending to be a cat*
Lil Emma Nicole you sound like Golem
Nicole I'm trying to purr
Lil Emma Well you're failing


Lil Emma I know kick boxing you know! I've forgotten it like


Mam Look! I've got empty legs
Dad Yeah I hate that empty legs feeling


Dad Hey don't leave sweets in here! Spiders love sugar y'know. They'll get big and fat and you'll wake up with only four toes


*making sentences out of license plates*
Mam Really Bouncy Blonde
*Dad laughs*
Mam I meant her hair


*Nicole squeals and runs into our room*
Lil Emma You seen Boris the Third again?
Nicole I thought he was the fifth
Lil Emma Who's third and fourth like?
Nicole The ones in the toilets
Lil Emma No that's Fredrick and Gregory
Nicole Oh, then yeah I saw Boris the Third


Mam We caught Boris the Third
Us Yey!
Dad And put him in your room
Us What?!


Mam Everywhere I go, plastic jugs fall on me!


Mam Wanka!
Lil Emma WHAT!?!
Mam *laughing hysterically* I meant to say wasik and twonk and it came out wrong
Lil Emma I'll bloody say!


*Passing woman giving away energy-saving lightbulbs*
Dad Oh she's giving away those life-saving lightbulbs
Mam You mean energy-saving David
Dad No. Life-saving. If you don't switch them on you fall down the stairs and kill yourself.
*later*
Dad If they were really energy-saving lightbulbs they'd tell you what it was you went upstairs for when you switched it on. Then you wouldn't waste energy going upstairs for nothing!


*The Aero advert with the fit naked man*
Dad That's sexist that is. I feel violated...


*Taking about the mouse in the garden that Nicole caught*
Dad She had it in her mouth - I mean, she had it in her hand


Auntie Helen And then there was a pregnant pause...
Lil Emma What's a prengant pause?
Dad Pregnant paws? That's when dogs do it wrong...


Dad *walking in from outside* Right well I need a shat *walks around the corner* Oh! Hello Catharine!
Catharine *in tears laughing*


Mam This looks really bad doesn't it? Having an empty wine bottle next to my chair. I look like an alcoholic. *Shouts* David come get this wine bottle for me!


Lil Emma Mam! You're 41!
Mam I am not! It's a vicious lie!


Nicole From upside down....You look like an alien


Dad *sings* Ooooohh! Her tits are on fiiire!
Us O.O'
Dad It just gets in your head!


*about new Einstein and Eddington DVD*
Lil Emma How in God's name does this film contain 'infrequent moderate sex references'?
Nicole Were they gay? Maybies they were like, we'll do this and then we'll do 'it'
Lil Emma It says 'infrequent moderate sex references' Nicole. Not 'hardcore gay porn'


Nicole Don't flick me in the head! It's dangerous!!
Lil Emma Dangerous?
Nicole I could get brain damage!!


Lil Emma Those cheese puffs are shite you know. They're not cheesey. They're just puffy
Mam *shrugs* Give them to Ian then


Mam *laughing* Did you hear Nicole complaining to Dad before? *geordie accent* "Have you still got the teabag?" "Yeah, why like" "Cos this is water!"
Nicole Whey it was! It was see-through tea!!
Mam *still laughing* See David, Nicole has to have her tea like mud!


Nicole *talking about teabags* You have to squeeze it. Squeeze it like a spot!


*watching TV, new advert for lip gloss pops up*
Lil Emma Lip inspired?! What a load of bollocks
Dad Whey it doesn't sound as good as foot expired does it
Mam It said inspired David. Not expired
*later*
*Advert with the bint with the daft fringe*
Dad Imagine going to the doctors about a bad foot and coming out with a fringe like that
Mam It was her knee that she hurt
Dad Her foot must've expired. THAT'S why she fell down!


Lil Emma Omg Lilt! You've got like the pop of Summer!


Lil Emma If you want peace and quiet I wouldn't sit there, cos now you're home I've got someone to talk to. Seriously when you go away I only have Nicole to talk to so when you get home it's just like a continuous flood of utter rubbish. Like what colour my peas are.
Dad Penis? Oh PEAS. God. First I thought she was a lesbian and now she has a penis. And what colour is it?....Lesbians just want everything don't they?


*Playing some eye-spy car game thing*
Mam Hales of bay! Wait...


*Trying to sing-a-long to Cheryl Cole's Parachute*
Dad I can be your umbrella. What? *Confused expression and he tries to figure out where he went wrong*