Grooming, how to

2010-02-01 [Hedda]: I was apparently quite tired when writing this, so some things might be a little off. I'll take another look at it tomorrow.

2010-02-01 [Hedda]: Well, yes

2010-02-01 [arthemis_]: Maybe it's just late, maybe it's my lack of English skills, but I don't quite understand what's in bold letters in the adult section. For the rest, I think you're right!

2010-02-01 [Hedda]: It means that if you scare kids about that it's very bad to cybersex, then pedophiles will use that to threaten the kids. They rather get raped than telling their parents of what has happened so far.

2010-02-02 [~Spirit Fox~]: I'm glad you wrote this, my younger sister just got a Myspace and I have already told her this, but there are some kids who don't have access to an older sibling they can trust. ^.^

2010-02-02 [Alexi Ice]: I love that Hedda is so understanding. O.o Some of this is a bit harsh, no?

2010-02-02 [arthemis_]: Ah, I see what you mean. I don't really think that if a stranger tells them they are idiots for doing such personal stuff online, they suddenly are afraid to tell their parents about a rape. But I understand there are people on the internet who blackmail people who they managed to seduce to cybersex. Personally I think rape is about something else and has very little to do with cybersex. I can see how it can evolve into rape, but I don't see the link between telling kids that it's not a wise idea to have cybersex into being afraid to tell if it evolved in rape.

2010-02-02 [arthemis_]: Rapist always say that, even if there is no cybersex involved. Oh, but you dress too sexy, it's because you looked at me. They always find a reason, even the simplest reason. I do not think saying cybersex is a bad idea because you hand out personal stuff that can be used against you is "handing out the chains to rapists". 

2010-02-02 [Hedda]: [arthemis_]: If you tell your kids (or just give that impression and teenagers are very bad at judging what others really feel and think, worse than 10-year olds actually) that they will be grounded for a month if they talk to strangers on the Internet, then of course they will not tell you when they run into trouble while doing it.

2010-02-02 [arthemis_]: I see the point, luckily I have no kids to tell anything. But I thought more from the viewpoint that if I told some random kid not to do it, that random kid would still tell his or her parents if he or she felt uncomfortable online or in some kind of jam. I think it's the parent's responsibility to explain these things, in the league of 'don't go with strange men, even when they offer puppies and chocolate' category. Though I see your point, I think it's a bit harsh to say 'handing the chains to rapists'. I don't know, I just don't think cybersex and rape is that close together as it appears here. I think there is a great gap in between. Both are horrible, but rape is a great deal worse then cybersex. Cybersex can be consensual and light, while rape is never consensual and never light. Do you know what I mean?

2010-02-02 [arthemis_]: Well, I agree, the 'moralist pigs' threw me off a bit too. I see what you mean. Adults should warn their kids that some people online are extremely manipulative and that whenever they feel uncomfortable doing something they probably shouldn't. Saying cybersex is bad and evil and stuff will not make the kid speak out about it, that's true. Parents should tell their kids that cybersex can be dangerous and if they ever became seduced by it and in trouble that they can always share these troubles with their parents, because sometimes people online are up to no good. Maybe that's the same as Hedda meant, but only slightly more polite/subtle.
Probably I was so distracted by the words that I missed the message :P

2010-02-04 [Hedda]: [arthemis_]: So you missed the message. Guess how common it is for teenagers to think that you say "I'll be grounded for a week if you do cybersex!" when you say "cybersex might be dangerous."!

For not risking to be misunderstood, you have to stress that they will not get punished and that you're there for them. And hey: If you say that you're there for them in case of trouble, you have also explained that it might be dangerous.

2010-02-04 [arthemis_]: I still think that depends on how your relationship is with your parents. If my parents said to me: cybersex can be dangerous, so if you get into trouble you can always come to me. I wouldn't think: Oh, I get grounded if I do so.
I don't know, I feel so like the devil's advocate right now, though I get your point, I really do! I was only distracted by the harsh words in which it was explained.

2010-02-05 [Thrice]: I agree that maybe the message could get twisted with how harsh it was written, but the truth is that if you don't say it harsh, then most people will just pass it off as another couple of paragraphs on the internet. You know? I think that parents should warn children about the internet as you can get into some very serious situations, but I also think that they shouldn't completely cut off any idea of meeting people online. Not everyone is bad. :) I think parents need to support both sides equally. Be there for their children if something does come up, and also be there when they meet really genuine people online.

I probably just repeated every thing you all have said... But there is my point! XD

2010-02-05 [arthemis_]: Lol, yeah you did :) My parents did a great job on that, taking into consideration that my parents don't know anything about the online life. But they taught me that even with the embarrassing problems I could come to them and we together would figure it out.