♥ Congratulations, [Mortified Penguin]! You've been arbitrarily selected to be Mort's Member of the Month (MMM) for some goddamn month! Now please, grant me an interview or I'll be forced to make up some answers to my own questions for you. First question: I heard that penguins lay eggs.




• Who the hell are you? Why should I waste my precious time doing some stupid ass interview that nobody will ever read for some random asshole?




♥ Hey now! I'm supposed to be the one asking the questions here, not you!




• Fuck off, I'm not doing this shit. Don't message me again or I will report you to the Guards.




♥ Well now, he was awful sassy. I guess I'll have to make up my own answers for this one. So, Mort, tell us... I heard that penguins lay eggs.




• Thank you Mort, yes, they do. As does the noble squid and the majestic elephant.




♥ Interesting! So what do you do for a living?




• Oh, you know, make money and stuff.




♥ Ha ha, I hear that. Sounds like a rewarding career. I also understand you own a chain of roller coasters. How do you like the business?




• Well, it has its ups and downs, but other than that, I think I like it just fine.




♥ You're also the owner of Elftown's most successful wiki, Bob's Diner. Tell us a little about that shit.




• Ah yes, Bob's Diner. I made it nearly 65 years ago, one Summer's eve. Since then, it has continued to exist and be a wiki. These days it's filled with mostly snails, but I'm not complaining.




♥ Snails, you say? What an interesting statement that deserves a follow-up question! Anyway, what kind of conditioner do you use?




• Typically, I use only the finest horse conditioner available at the Dollar Tree for mentally challenged horses.




♥ Churchill Downs?




• Yeah, that's the one.




♥ Cool.




• That's not really a question...




♥ Did I say it was?




• Better.




♥ That's not really an answer...




• Did I say it was?




♥ No, I suppose not... Anyway, thank you for your time, Mort!




• You are most definitely not welcome. Fuck off.




♥ Any last statements you'd like to make to the people of Elftown?




• No.




♥ Okay then. :(




And also: [Sunrose].

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Mort's Member of the Month