Naruto generation; Witless
Written by; [Haku Uchiha] and [Alexi Ice]

Generation; Witless

Feature one: Naruto Uzumaki –

 The phone was ringing somewhere nearby as the boys groaned and struggled to awaken. “It’s your turn” Sasuke Uchiha, the suave, popular ninja said, nudging his haphazard roommate Naruto Uzumaki.

“No way, it’s probably just Shikamaru and I don’t want to talk to him, just ignore it.” Naruto said, rolling as far away from Sasuke in the small cramped apartment as he could manage. Sasuke groaned but the phone continued to ring.

“Damnit Naruto, just answer it already!” He snapped, pulling the covers over his head. Groggily Naruto obeyed the request and stood to answer the phone. Just as he reached for it though, it stopped ringing. He sighed, annoyed.

“See, the problem solved itself” He said, hoping onto the couch and falling almost instantly asleep. The doorbell rang.

“I swear if it is Shikamaru I am kicking his ass” Sasuke said, crossing the room in order to rip the door open, almost pulling it off the hinges.

“Answer your damn phone” Shikamaru whined, earning a swift kick in the shins from Sasuke. It took him a matter of minutes to recover, and he was entering the house and rustling through the cabinets.

“Damnit, Shikamaru just dump the bitch already” Sasuke said, as Shikamaru grabbed a wine bottle and popped it open with his teeth, drinking the whole bottle in a matter of minutes. Sasuke would never understand why Shikamaru let Ino use and abuse him to the point where he had to drown his troubles in alcohol to forget his girlfriend’s transgressions and betrayals involving his best friend Choji.

“She isn’t cheating on me” Shikamaru answered, already knowing where the conversation was headed. Naruto slid off the couch, still asleep and Sasuke rolled his eyes at him.

“Whatever you say, man” Sasuke answered, nudging Naruto out of the way and plopping down on the couch as Shikamaru single handedly emptied his alcohol cabinet.

“Doing anything tonight?” Shikamaru asked, once he was good and intoxicated.

“Not that I know of” Sasuke answered, flicking on the small TV and channel surfing. “I might go out, but not with any of you guys” He said, glancing down at Naruto who was drooling on the carpet.

“Oh I forgot that the great Sasuke Uchiha has to entertain flocks of woman during the days, must be hard” Shikamaru commented sarcastically.

Sasuke frowned “How long have you been dating Ino again, Shika?” He asked.
 
“A few years now, why?” Shikamaru answered, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

 “And how long has she been cheating on you?” Sasuke asked, holding his hand up to his ear and pretending to concentrate on Shikamaru.

“Shut the hell up, Uchiha” Shikamaru snapped.

“Anyway I have to get it all out of my system tonight because Naruto, Kakashi and I have a mission tomorrow.” Sasuke added as Shikamaru took up the seat next to him in order to stare blankly at the television set.

“A mission?” Shikamaru asked.

“Yeah, you know, what ninja’s do” Sasuke said sarcastically.

 “Couldn’t have figured that out on my own, what kind of mission though?” He asked.

“How should I know? Knowing Kakashi it will be something insane.” He said, shaking his head back and forth.

 “Probably” Shikamaru agreed, downing another bottle.

Sasuke stood up and handed Shikamaru the remote “I’m going out to mingle, make sure he gets up in a few hours” He said, motioning to his half comatose roommate.

“Sure, sure, whatever you say” Shikamaru said, landing the channel on a random cartoon.

Sasuke headed downstairs, not bothering to get dressed. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times and made sure his shirt was clean before going to see Temari, the blonde haired sand ninja who lived a few blocks away from Sasuke’s small no-bedroom apartment building.

He sauntered down the streets of Konoah with his hands on the back of his head before stopping in front of the fairly large two story house occupied by Temari and her brother, Kankuro. He strolled up to the door, ignoring Kiba who was chasing Akamaru around the yard next door and barking madly like a dog. Sasuke rang the doorbell and waited for a response.

Kankuro, the odd, face painted member of the sand village answered, holding up a broken puppet that looked almost as if it had been sawed in half and muttering something about an evil woman. “Yo” Sasuke greeted when Kankuro opened the door.

“Hey Uchiha, you hear for Temari?” He asked, as if it wasn’t obvious. Sasuke was certainly not there to see Kankuro that was for sure.

“Right, where is she?” He asked.

 “Upstairs, good luck” Kankuro said, before heading to the living room with his puppet Crow. The 'good luck' sentiment would have deterred most men, but Sasuke could be relentless, so he ignored the warning and headed upstairs. He knocked lightly on her door.

“Kankuro I swear…” Temari began, but Sasuke cut her off.

“Whoa, it’s just me” He assured, opening the door. Temari was sitting on her bed polishing her oversized fan.

“Hey Sasuke” She greeted him, a smile lighting her face. Her hair was down today, which was rare, and she was if possible even more beautiful than usual. “What are you doing here?” She asked.

“I am here to see my favorite girl” He answered, pecking her on the cheek. She attempted to whack him, but he avoided her easily.

“I know that is a lie and if so you have a number of ‘favorite girls’” She said, air quoting the word.

“Alright fine, you are my favorite sand village girl. Does that make you happy?” He asked. She smiled.

“It’s a start.” She said.

“Well I have to go on a mission tomorrow so I thought I would stop by since Shikamaru is raiding my house and Naruto is being insatiably annoying as usual.” He said, shrugging it off.

“I don’t really have time today, Sasuke.” She said “Why don’t you go visit one of your other girls?” She suggested. He sighed.

“Alright, fine. I will see you later Temari” He said, giving her a slight wave before exiting her room and heading down the stairs. Sasuke may be relentless, but Temari was one chick you just don't piss off. He knew better than to press her too far. He glanced only once at Kankuro who was attempting to tape Crow back together with duck tape, and failing before dissapereing out the door.

Sasuke headed down the street once again but this time without a purpose. He eventually decided that a few hours of training wouldn’t kill him, so he headed to the forest to challenge Lee, who was always an interesting sparring partner. 

“Lee” Sasuke greeted, as he neared Lee’s regular training grounds. Lee stopped his pushups in order to greet Sasuke.

“Oh, Sasuke, have you come to train with me?” He asked, beaming. Sasuke hated Lee’s enthusiasm and wished that he would tone it down a bit, but other than Naruto Lee was the only one who even posed a challenge to Sasuke.

“Yeah” Sasuke said, getting into battle position. Lee knew the routine and fell into his usual stance, readying himself to attack Sasuke.

The battle lasted longer than expected and as usual ended in Sasuke defeating Lee. By the time they were finished, and Sasuke had successfully pinned Lee to a tree, the sun was fading into the distance. Sasuke bid Lee farewell and headed off towards his home, idly wondering who would accompany Naruto and him on their mission.

You see, a few weeks ago Sasuke and Naruto’s third team member Sai befell tragedy and was unable to return to the team, which was just as well because Naruto, in Sasuke’s eyes, was preferable to Sai. Sai was just downright annoying, and Sasuke couldn’t truthfully say he was upset at all by his teammate’s disappearance.

Though it did leave a spot open in team seven, leaving Sasuke to wonder what other genin would be stuck as a temporary replacement for Sai tomorrow. He secretly hoped it was Shikamaru, who was the only ninja Sasuke held any kind of respect for, but he figured he wouldn’t be so lucky and would probably be stuck with someone like Neji Hyuga or Choji.

 When Sasuke got home Naruto and Shikamaru were both gone, so he lie on his mat in the floor and fell asleep without bothering to wonder where the two had gone off to. He was ready for tomorrow to come, ready to get this mission over with.

---

  The alarm clock buzzed but wasn’t at all necessary, Naruto and Sasuke had woken up early in order to prepare for there newest assignment from the Hokage. Naruto stuffed a number of random things into his bag as Sasuke carefully evaluated what there potential mission would be and in turn began packing more practical items such as a jacket and sleeping bag.

“Are you ready?” He snapped as Naruto continued filling his bag to maximum capacity. Finally Naruto managed to swing the heavy bag over his shoulder and he turned to his partner.

“Ready” He agreed as the pair headed towards the back alley in Konoah where they usually met with their sensie Kakashi Hatake. Naturally Kakashi was late and the boys ideled their time by playing a quick game of rock paper sissors (Naruto’s idea) before the tardy sensie finally decided to show up, stepping out of the distant shadows as only an experience Jonin could do.

“Boys” He greeted, when he saw the both of them.

“Good morning Kakashi sensie!” Naruto bosted, as Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Your late.” He stated, flatly. Kakashi mearly gave him a look and ignored his comment.

 “Where are the others?” Kakashi asked, glancing around. Before Sasuke was able to ask ‘what others’ another group of genin arrived consisting of Kiba Inuzuka, Rock Lee and Choji, Shikamamru’s best friend.

“What are they doing here?” Sasuke asked, taking in the small group.

“This mission required a little more man power than just the three of us, so in lack of any one better available for the job, these three are going to accompany us.” Kakashi said, looking like this pained him as much as it pained Sasuke.

---

A/n - Post more as Mitsuki edits for me. Here is your first taste of our brain child, Naruto generation. Stay tuned for generation two and three.

P.S. This is mearly our spin on Naruto, nothing serious. It is almost a spoof, almost. But anyway, comment if you will, we would love to hear.