Santa Facts

Welcome dear readers, we have kind of a very interesting thing for you today. For this piece of exposé we interviewed someone on the inside. Someone who can tell us how it really is. Because the public has had it with the mystery and the secrecy and the confusion. Am I right or am I right? So we're going to have it all out (metafrogically speaking *ribbit*) and get to the bottom of this Santa Claus business.

So, welcome. Would you like to introduce yourself for our readers?

Sure thing. Hello I'm [iippo] and you probably didn't know this about me before, but I work for Santa.

And what made you come forward like this at this time of year?

Well, I just hear all this stuff about kids not believing in Santa anymore, and about people using the Big Man's name for all sorts of things, and overall I've observed this ignorance about the truth about Santa Claus. So I wanted to help people know, to get their facts straight.

And how does this affect your employment? Will you get into trouble for telling us this?

Oh no, Santa knows I wanted to do this, and he said it's okay by him, that it's only my own neck and reputation I'm sticking in the line. He was a little skeptical as to whether it would work, whether people would believe me. He's had so much said of him in the course of the centuries that he's just become kind of immune to the rumours and slander. I guess I'm just too young to take it with the kind of wisdom as he does. But I also think you won't write this article in a way that makes me out to be a crazy person.

Well we sure appreciate you doing this for us. So could you quickly explain what do you actually do? What is your job description?

Well, there are an awful lot of people who work for Santa, like, millions and billions. He is the single biggest employer in this world. Like, I'm pretty sure everyone in Finland works for Santa. But because the organisation is so big, everyone does just a little bit. So my part of the load is with International P.R., more specifically English-speaking. So I'm one of the rare open-spoken kinds. Most people wouldn't admit to your face that they work for Santa, because their responsibilities are the more hush-hush kind. So I do some representing, some database updating, and I mostly work with England and lately with the U.S. a bit more too.

In the Santa-lore that most people know Santa has these short folks helping him, elves. Are they a myth?

Oh no, they are real, definitely. They are pretty much exactly as you imagine them, short... yeah, different personalities so some are happy and some are grumpy, just like it is with people. We don't know much about their background, the lore in a little conflicting and different elves believe different things - just like it is with people, different peoples have different stories about creation, there's different theories. It doesn't really matter, does it? But yeah, most of the elves are back in the workshop, they don't go around much anymore. They used to, since it was easier for the little ones to figure out ways to get around inconspicuously. Nowadays the roles have reversed. It's easier for people to hide in plain sight among other people.

You mention the workshop. Is this in the North Pole?

Oh goodness no, the North Pole is much too cold for any kind of habitation, it's too far from everywhere, the connection is really bad there. I think there may have been an outpost in there way back when before all this modern technology was invented. But I think mostly it's just been a confusion by people who aren't so good at geography. But no, the workshop is in Finland. The traditional spot is a fell called Korvatunturi, and that is still the personal residence of Mr. Claus, but nowadays there is also the main corporate headquarters in Rovaniemi, which is, y'know, a real place that you can visit as a tourist. You can see more about that on http://www.santaclaus.fi

So is that where the presents are made?

You know, nowadays a lot of the present-making is outsourced. Mainly because kids have become very brand-conscious. They don't want a toycar, they want a specific brand of toycar. Girls want a specific brand of doll. And so on. So some traditional things, like candles and woolly socks and other crafts, are still made in the workshop, but there is a lot of importing going on.

So that must be kind of expensive...

Well, yeah. Santa lives in the real world with real world money.

So where does he get the money?
*here our guest was a little taken aback*

Sorry, I found that to be a rather direct question, in Finland we don't like to discuss money... Well, y'know Lappland is rich in gold and other mined products, there is a lot of production of goods some of which go into presents and others for sale, he owns land and large herds of reindeer (regular ones as well as the magical ones)... So, y'know, business. And now the tourism. He's exceptional as a business man since the typical way to work it is to make money and then use some of it for charitable causes - Santa's focus is his role in bringing the Christmas, and the money-generating sides of the business is all geared to helping that single goal.

You mention the reindeers. Are you serious about the magic reindeers?

Absolutely. The flying reindeer thing is no myth. The magic around Santa is real. And that's what people talk about when they say they don't believe in Santa, they mean they don't believe in the magic. But there isn't anything to believe, once you've seen it in action. Most people have too, as children. But there seems to be something about the cynicism of the world, which causes that even seeing is not enough.

One thing I do want to mention about the reindeer though. It's kind of amusing, this is my favourite thing to tell people :) A reindeer grows a new pair of antlers every year, it drops the old ones at some point in the year. Male reindeer drop their antlers in December, and females in the summer. So you have a look at Rudolph and the rest of them, and have a look at their names and... yes, you can figure out what I'm driving at. ;)

But yes, the flying magic reindeer are a little different than regular ones, they're smaller and slimmer, have a different diet and such other zoological boredom that the stable elves would be happy to tell you all about :P

So the question that most doubting children raise is, how is it possible for Santa to get to every house on Christmas night?

Magic. Plus there's the timezones that help, also for example in Scandinavia he visits earlier in the evening of the 24th - he actually comes inside with the presents, while in the USA for example he just drops the presents in from the chimney. So if you are living in the West Coast of the USA, you can imagine how on the morning of the 24th Santa is already delivering presents in Scandinavia by that point.

Well, what about when you see a Santa in the mall, and... well, some children have discovered that it is just a man dressed up as Santa?

Right, the mall things are a kind of a newer thing that Santa does. And it is true that some of those appearances are by employees. But he does some himself all over the world. This applies also to the home visits in Scandinavia, some are actually employees. So if you ever have the opportunity to see a Santa like that, in a mall or something, you can go real close and see if you can figure out whether it's him himself or someone standing in for him. The key to finding it out is a kind of a special feeling, you recognise it when you are in the presence of Mr. Santa Claus himself. Like it says in the Matrix: it's like being in love, you just kind of know it. And it feels different to different people. It can be just this sweet Christmas feeling, or a feeling of joy to the world - some swear that they can smell gingerbread.

Joy to the world - that refers to Jesus Christ, whose birth is the traditional basis for celebrating Christmas. What is Santa's stance on this?

Well, despite being magic, Santa is actually a Christian, there is no contradiction there except for some fundamentalists. I'm not really sure if he goes to church that much or such, but he does have that faith. He doesn't have any particularly radical feelings this way or that about the "real meaning of Christmas" or whatever, y'know, that people keep getting upset over. He's very apolitical and non-denominational about it all. He embraces all ways of celebrating Christmas, the atheist and the heathen, as well as the Christian. His Christian name is of course Nicholas.

Which refers to Saint Nicholas, the 4th century saint. So, is he that saint?

Ah, the old Santa's origin -question. I have to admit here, I don't know. I don't know how Santa came to be, if he was born, or if it's a different guy all the time, and I don't know how old he is. He likes to keep the mystery around his person, even with the employees. That's why there are so many different myths and traditions about him in different countries. I do know this much: He's a very multi-faceted guy, and most of those traditions are right when looked at from different angles. So if you want to know more about Santa, study him. I'm not going to do that work for you :P

Is there something we've forgotten or haven't dealt yet?

I'm sure we can continue if there is something we jumped clear over, but right now I can't think of anything to add.

Well, thank you so much for your time and the risk you took to share this with us.

No problem, thank you for reading.