Still Not Dead Yet?

Maybe I can Help You.

List of Suggested Ways to Kill Oneself:

1. Slit your wrists like the emo you are. Or, even better, cut at the elbow.

Because you just know that everyone wants to deal with all your blood once you're gone.

2. Hang yourself. You know, so you're all dangly-like.

Because you'd just love to kick someone in the head with your dead foot.

3. Take a bunch of pills. Like Tylenol. To make your liver overload.

Because a dead body from liver failure looks so beautiful.

4. Get so high on crack that you fall off a bridge. And 'fly.'

Because you've always wanted to have a six year old kid find your body when it's bloated and floating facedown in a stream.

5. Shoot yourself in the head with a shotgun. To make the voices go away.

Because your mother wants to clean your brain-splatter off the wall the next morning so badly.

6. Attach cannoballs to your feet. And 'fall' off a ship.

Because you only want the fishes to deal with your decaying, bloated body.




Still not dead yet?

Pick up a hitch-hiker wearing a jumper, just down the road from a federal prison. =]