The Town Herald

The netpaper about Elftowners, by Elftowners, for Elftowners.

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Notes To Self By [Kileaiya]

1. Watch out for the spikes.
2. Spikes hurt.
3. They really are watching you.
4. Do not try cat food...
5. ...or dog food.
6. Poking your dad in the stomach and asking him why he didn't giggle like the Pillsbury Dough Boy was not your best idea.
7. Singing random showtunes in the mall will result in the security guard following you around.
8. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
9. Stop trying to lick your elbow.
10. I said stop.
11. Buy matches.
12. Buy flammable liquid.
13. Burn down whiny neighbor kid's house, give him something to really whine about.
14. Scratch that, the cops would come.
15. The cops don't like you.
16. Frightening your parents is fun.
17. But only if they still feed you afterwards.
18. Monkeys!
19. The Disney Channel is brainwashing me.
20. Must watch Disney.
21. Watch Disney.
22. No wonder the dog's breath stinks, buy her breath mints
23. Beware of poodles.
24. Bolts in neck must be tightly screwed in at all times or head will fall off.
25. Ask God to smite all platypuses.
26. GPS lies.
27. A lot.
28. Gasoline hurts when put into eye.
29. Roosters are cute.
30. Aaaah Roosters will peck you!
31. Your funny bone is NOT funny.
32. Your real name is Jordan; you are not a guy; remember this.

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