The Town Herald

The netpaper about Elftowners, by Elftowners, for Elftowners.

Advice

By [hanhepi]


Since [hanhepi]’s computer is broke, and no one posted any questions on whoa! you want my advice??, she decided to contribute just random bits of advice this issue. Hopefully issue 14 will contain actual questions followed by advice. Please be sure to help her out by leaving a question on whoa! you want my advice??,


Look both ways before crossing the street.

Always tip your waiter/waitress if you plan on eating there again, and don't like spit in your food. 

Don’t talk to strangers, no matter what kind of candy they offer. 

Always get your oil changed every 3 months or 3000 miles.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Put your back to the wind when you pee outside.


Dear Miss Advice Lady Person (and her other half, if he's around),
What does one do about that weird feeling you get when everyone in the Herald is actually on time?
And what do you do if you're not?!
And should I wear a fur coat today or will someone throw red paint on me?
And what should I do if my boyfriend hasn't answered my calls or text msges for the past week? Should I worry slightly? When I've been assured by other people that he definitely has credit, because he messages them all the time?
And what should I do about a random army boy who I had a thing with once, who keeps asking me out and isn't put off by the whole boyfriend (ignoring me damnit!) thing? He's very cute. And err.. happily.. endowed *ahem* but I have no idea what's going on with my boyfriend :/
Help! I am desperately in need of advice :P

Dear Desperate,
I’ll have to break this down. If everyone is on time, PANIC!!!! Or, maybe picnic, but I’d bet on panic. Obviously, Hell has just frozen over, or it’s going to.
If you aren’t on time, you too need to Panic! Kaimee, our lovely webmistress, will get you if you are late. She will hound you and hound you. Heh heh.
Hmmm, about the fur… if there are people from PETA around, no, don’t wear the fur. If not, you should be good to go. And if someone does throw red paint on you, I suggest making them bleed.
And yes, I’d worry if your guy doesn’t answer… most guys I know use that as a way to break up with you, because they are too pussy to say “I want to break up” to your face.
I say go for the army boy. Don’t sound too much like your current “man” (using the term loosely) wants to keep you around. Besides, the army guy sounds… fun. :D
At the time of this typing, the other 1/2 has his head in the engine compartment of a car, and was unavailable for comments.




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