Elihion Longtoes Poem Page

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This one is for Santiago Iborra (Elfwood), who
came up with a neat little hobbit I liked:


http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/loth/s/a/santi/halfling.jpg.html

Santiago also does some very good 'forests', and seems to be Elf-friendly...

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/loth/s/a/santi/ebolder.jpg.html

IMHO, he has to be somewhere on your Elfwoods favourites lists, because he's just so good... :)


  

Please, I'm trying to be sneaky here.

Please, I'm trying to be sneaky here.
Just in case things don't appear
to be as cosy as we think.
No, I don't need another drink!

You, Elf! Drop the wayfare bread,
it's all been laced with poppy head,
If two drunk fools just weren't enough,
I won't put up with your elven stuff.

So, Nark It! Silence! Stum! Belay!
Theres Orcs up ahead, is what I say!
They'll cleave and bash and do whatever?
Hey... Your in chainmail, I'm in leather!

Just leave it up to little me,
I'll sort it out, you wait and see.
My little sling, some stones, and bang!
All out cold, with no alarms rang.

Chivalry? What can you mean?
What are we eh? A football team?
You have to kill them face to face?
Just get real, your a basket case!

I'm starting to wish I'd stayed at home.
Had a big late lunch, gave my toes a comb.
Instead I find I'm standing here,
Farts and hiccups, and the smell of beer.

Two drunk men and a hop-head elf!
I swear by the Shire, I'd kill them myself
'Cept one of them calls himself 'Little John',
Stands six-foot-ten with no boots on

Well, yes, the contract says we share,
But just right now I couldn't care.
if all we got was a common cold.
This little Hobbit plans to get old.

Okay, dammit, sit, be still,
It'll take me a moment, thats all it will
To finish them off, then we plunder.
Eh? Whats all that? What nasty blunder?

You've brought us into the wrong damn lair?!
Sure, I see scorched and frizzled hair.
Thats all thats left of your brother Tupp?
Well, then I guess the game is up.

Now, don't give me that 'companions' guff,
I woke at dawn, and you looked rough!
I'll make my own way, if you please,
Spend the night hid in the trees.

Perhaps I'll nip back in the morn,
You'll be sleeping like lambs new born,
That or soon you'll all be toast,
And I'll go home to a nice big roast.

I don't mind bashing Orcs, you see
but I plan on having a family tree.
So, toodle-pip, be brave, farewell,
You and your contract can go to Hell!


Elihion Longtoes.
aka Paul Whitfield.
08/08/03.