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Rhuaide's Comments

^{Read and you'll weigh my worth.
"When you do something right, people will think you've done nothing at all." -God}

Infinite Poetics

1. Unbroken Haze
Silver and green, untarnished between,
The darkest of days you have ever seen,
Watch the grass grow, on high from low;
Eyes so wide they watch it die, you know.


They bring this gift, but also death swift
Flies on the wings of the opened rift.
Pouring down hard, with power none can retard,
The mist of a smile fades when they strike the garage.


Send your message in brothers of passage,
But ask them to breathe and try to assuage
Something as greedy as the needy are for love.
Stop and move, pain and soothe, light from above.


Fall and be brightened, grant pleasures to the frightened,
Give and take and go again to come enlightened.
Sigh, cry, but don't be fazed; Sit back and let me amaze
With the sight of the soulful unbroken haze.

********

2. Beg For Her Name


It had been so long since I had seen light
My eyes were blind and I cowered in fright;
My head was hurting from all of the dark,
And I had been concealed from Cupid’s mark.


I saw the paint, looked away,
Heard the words, tried to stay.
The books lay open to a page I hadn’t known,
The page I saw being written would be my own.


Flurried by feelings, then hit by remorse
I felt the laws of nature taking their course.
Stuck in a place where I did not belong,
My angel smiled and wandered along.


The writing is on the wall,
Dwarfing lost feelings that are small.
In a blink and a twist the rock was destroyed,
A time from the hard place I now enjoyed.


Angels sigh to hear her name, a golden bell
Hung in my heart, but with its plaintive knell --
Would it shatter and fall in shining rain,
And I should never be blessed to hear it again.

********

3. Forging


Strike the iron, pound it thrice
Hammer the eyes and hilt
Blacken the soul to fold it twice
Strengthen and take away all guilt.
Tenfold times you must bend the blade
To bring upon the sharpened height
Of that which only the gods bade
To make and mask with powerful fright.
Fire reddens and slowly burns
Cold water will seethe and burn as well
All of us are forged, take our turns
Are dipped to the bath of society's well.
Though we think there's nothing to rearrange,
All that burns brightly is destined to change.

********

4. Contagion


Swallow these manufactured soulless eyes
Watch me from the inside as my heart dies.
Gulping fears down in glasses wrought of lead
Poisoning thoughts as they drain from the head.
I was damned to see this
Damned to be the masochist
That chose to live like this.


Fire and pitfalls under the eyes they call home
Wrenching the guts till all the hate can be known
Test me a brain with no oxygen
Reproaching the face of experiments
Hear this one more time
Blood runs through like grime
Blue veins filled with slime.


Sympathy is not pity
Condescend when you sit near me
Disgust translates to your face
If you lean closer have a taste
Of my contagion.


They call it depression but I call it heaven
Hell never looked so good in impression
Fingertips should leave no bloodmarks
But the stains won't stop when nails are sharp
Listen once more to me
Feel and fear but be free
I deserve no friends like these.


Sympathy is not pity
Condescend when you sit near me
Disgust translates to your face
If you lean closer have a taste
Of my contagion.

********

5. Oil on Water


Grey the heart, fight the wake
The presence fitting, staring
Wide eyed as I struggled to break
The silence, wistfully daring.
Cutting the glass, turn the blade
Upon my fragile skin sun treads
Hair burns brightly, the things you said
Cleave to bone as blade to river beds.
A still day with insects flying
Striving, diving, starving but thriving
Could you hide the natural lying?
Or, like the strokes, was it in the timing?
Calming effect of the water’s hand
Ripples turn waves and make boats quiver
Spreading out to awfully burned land
Restored, quenched, and softened by river.
Destination impending, bailing water,
We sunk faster than the failing canoe.
Mimicking fish to lines of the slaughter
We wished the premonitions not to come true.
Clouds of onyx liquid boiled overhead
Raze the leaves with a tenacious air.
What is it to burn in a downpour? I dread,
Burning inside - living through death - so rare.
Upon arrival at Chase Bridge Road
Understanding mixed sand with pain:
Just as the trees, the rocks, the river all know
In order to grow we must face the rain.

********

6. Telltale Symphony Called "Checkmate"
To Nathaniel

The rooks've been placed, ranked, filed
One on ebony, one on ivory, each is tiled.
The wall of meat has been displaced
Doubled, torn out and disgraced.
The queens have fought for suicide
Locked in valiance, they collide
Queen for queen to knight for knight
The timing, the setup, all was right.
There may be some move to save this wreck
But Alas! the knight threats with a check
Bitch-ass move; a rook must die!
But the valiance in effort is of the try.
Yet with my solemn movement, I see the truth:
All along his plan was not to capture the rook;
'Twas to distract, enrapture, catch on the hook;
The foundations crumbled, the castle walls shook.
The final blow was not dealt with queen's brawn;
Instead, the attack came from the King's Knight Pawn.

********

7. Any Colour You Like
^{I had this on my deviantART page for a while, but I got sick of that site, since no one ever looked at anything I did. So, I came here and am posting it now.}

I'll be any colour you'd like to see
Colour me black, or white, or red.
I'll be the everything I could be
If the colours are straight the day we wed.

Thinking of becoming a blue eyed horror
A green eyed lover and fighter
Looking into the windows and mirror
I see that they're a shade lighter.

My hair could turn black if you'd like
Or blonde, silver, dowsed with gold
Not there? It'll still be your like
But red is all I offer at this fold.

Would you like my tie to be white sky?
My suit to be onyx stone, or green?
I could bring yellows if that'd fly;
I'll be the most amazing you've ever seen.

I'll try still make it great for you
If you will let me do this deed
I'll be any saturation or hue
I'll be any colour you need.

********

8. What Makes?
^{An excursion into Ars Poetica}

I write words as an escape from sight
Would I dare look upon this visage and fail?
Making that choice may I set things right?
Poetry, like ebony sky, is my holy grail.
A raining evanescence of debilitation
Termination of the stanza arrives on time
Flooding space betwixt the meditation
Searching without looking to find reason for the rhyme.
Poetry like icicles penetrate a shallow mind
Fall through to the other side -- to a twitching eye
And unwavering depth to fight the grind
I find myself to be a poet -- but am I?
Can one truly be the artisan when one cracks
The ice that seals a river unidentified?
Or could a poem be made from one word that smacks
Of what emotion gift the muse has tried?

********

9. Unforgettable by Nature

Stop breathing -- contortion;
"You're failing -- distortion?
In my memory I wrote "you" down in ink
But the tragedies befalling me still don't let me speak.

Silence often says -- disgusting;
Eyes always tell -- "I'm trusting!"
And "you" never tried to give me time to think
The anxiety within me is about to reach its peak.

And I am through this time, one of many
Walls I've broken through; had you any
Idea that my love was "you?" The Symphony
Of glory was never true -- it's all a boundless blasphemy.

********

10. Remain the Same

Everyone tells me I need to change
That nothing could go well being the same
That days aren't days when you medicate
Well I'm sick of it, I can't wait.

Leave me -- to rot, and die, 'cos
I'm sick of your stupid laws
I can't take the flapping of your jaws
I wanna leave, and I can't wait.

Till you're ready to see the way
That I'm trying to remain the same
To keep myself grounded and sane
And wait for another day
To waste away
And remain the same.

And so I pray
For the darkest day
When you will stay
And help retain
The best of me
The best of "we"
The rest of me.

Can you feel my pain
When you scream my name?
These things you feign
Are still nothing
Empty. Untrained.

********

11. Montage

It's all a fading dream...
I lost your love and split my heart
To the core, at the seams,
Across the land, over the ocean, apart.
All isn't lost or gone away
I'm living now with memories of you
I watch the sunrise, passing days,
Until the hour that I'm again with you.
I'm alone and killing;
Sorrow haunts my eyes;
Let me die when willing;
So I'll forget to cry."
Love is one of those confusing things;
It's not just about kisses and hugs and that take,
About hearts as one, kids playing on the swings,
How much my heart misses you when I alone awake.
I'm fragile, don't break me with your word,
'Love' is by far the worst thing I've ever heard;
So many people 'live by love,' but who's heart
Truly knows what love is like when it's torn apart?
When a man forgets what love is, well
That's when he forgets that hell is hell.
If he has forsaken the world, then
He's transcending the forgiveness of men.

********

12. The Irish Rhyme of Dedication

Let the waters be of some deeper blue,
Or let the waters be of a frothy white,
Know that I will always moor for you;
Even when your face is sorest sight.
But only 'neath the surface can you see:
Nothing deep is troubled strongly;
The surface ripples, but when we bleed,
We bleed so superficially.
Rowing away to the falling elm;
Showing, not telling of the realm;
Knowing of something stronger at the helm.

********

13.On Simplification
^{This is a poem inspired by a contest entitled "Write the worst lines of a book you can think of." The terrible lines described a woman's visage...then went on to say it was beyond description.}

The color of a heavy onyx sky
Of broken things
Of a bird who sings
Whilst he draws breath on the fly.
The texture of a welcome mat, oft
Where feet have rubbed
Where dirt has scrubbed
An empty place that is velveteen-soft.
Scented as a lilac's grinning folds
Yet erstwhile
In latest style
None shall see the secrets that the beauty holds.
In short, her hair was perfection - esoteric
Sensual curls
Envy of girls
Describing it insurrection by this heretic.
"Such hair was so beautiful, it was indescribable."
A paragraph of description is senseless at best
When the thing being described is beyond words;
Aesthetics.

********

14. OCktaDoctapus is Just an Acronym for "Maladjusted"

aren't yOu Coming in?
paCe yourself; i must ritualize it first.
(patients bother the patient OCDtor.)

********

15. Pisses You Off

This is just another poem
Crafted now to rhyme.
The rhythm isn't sonnet-like;
I just don't have the time.
There is no set amount of lines
Yet the end is just in sight;
In fact the poem ends right here
----------------------------.

********

16. From the Well Doth Spring the Spirit
From the Well Doth Spring the Spirit: 1 : Ode of Blissful Ignorance

Were marryd.
i liek yoo.
we shoold hav Babyes.
do Yoo want tee?
Lets Play Docktor
You dont liek me?
It's alright.
...
Chocolet chipp cooky?

From the Well Doth Spring the Spirit: 2 : The Falling Hope

Till dance do we part
Absurdity well like tears
You all played a role
In confirming his fears
Each day getting it but giving none back
Some of us need new gossip in our lives.

From the Well Doth Spring the Spirit: 3 : From the Well Doth Spring the Spirit

His glaring understanding.
It's true.
She loves you.

From the Well Doth Spring the Spirit: 4 : The Final Cut

I'M SICK OF YOU she screams when
^crash
He bellows back an empty LEAVE ME THEN:
^bash
A weeping eye looks balefully back
^splash
I WILL.
^---
Didn't see that coming but he stands his ground.
Cast away - the cacophony - the sound.
The evening comes
He's still alone
The phone's silent, far from numb
She still doesn't return.
Calls on the cell phone
Aching s e c o n d s go by as t h r e e r i n g s go sour
HELLO?
Good-bye.
Hangs up.
and Drives.

From the Well Doth Spring the Spirit: 5 : The Weeping of Willows in Irene's Eyes

Twenty miles go by and his conscience regrows
Calls her again
Seeing lights be starts and slows.
HELLO? again
"I miss you dear." he softly croons.
"I miss you too."
Love dances to many tunes.
Love dances to many tunes.

From the Well Doth Spring the Spirit: 6 : The Consuming Conviction of Rue's Redemption

"Come back home?" Headlights behind.
"Of course. You there?" Gets out and walks to the car parked on the shoulder.
"No. Came looking for you." Startled to find.
Eyes meet.
Main street.
"For me?"
"For you."
He knew in his heart he'd understand someday when he was older.

********

17. That Said

Quite honestly,
In a fit of rage I feel more in control than now.
But, seriously,
This medication is suppos'dly fixing me; how?
Still, righteously,
I see today, tomorrow -- the loneliest days I'll know.
And, unknowingly,
Had anyone thought to ask, they should escape the scowl.

While I burn I taste the river.
It flows like blood to my teeth.
The pills won't stay down, and I shiver.
Bite it back, watch your hands quiver.

Take
the
Medicine.
It Will
Send You
To a World teeming with Superior Beauty, Lush Mountains
Absolute Beauty from Overjoyous Fountains.

That Said,
Let's Finish This Now.

********

18. Out of Habit

Out of habit I start the car
Out of habit I ice my heart.
Out of habit I drive to prison
Out of habit I hide what's within.
Out of habit I smile but bite.
Out of habit I think I'm right.
Out of habit I cure your heart.
Out of habit I act the part.

Out of habit I leave that place.
Out of habit I'm saving face.
Out of habit I'll give my soul.
Out of habit I return what they stole.
Out of habit I leave for their sake.
Out of habit I've learned not to take.
Out of habit I'm salivating.
Out of habit I'm graduating.

Out of habit I'm awake.
Out of habit your thirst I slake.
Out of habit your whims I preach.
Out of habit my limits I reach.
Out of habit my fists crash down.
Out of habit I try not to drown.
Out of habit I say I love you.
Out of habit I know you do too.

Out of habit I'll shut my mouth.
Out of habit I'll keep my eyes south.
Out of habit I give in to temptation.
Out of habit I grow numb to sensation.
Out of habit I tell you you're right.
Out of habit I lie awake at night.
Out of habit I'll act like I'm glad.
Out of habit, I'll see you're my dad.

********

19. Tribute to Brock Lindow

Eternal.
The first five words that scarred your soul.
I've been scathed but you're through running.
"The great descent is coming."
"Aurora, Don't Leave Me Yet."

Uncomfortable.
The last thirty days from you they stole.
Rip the phonecord from the drywall static
"Try not to be overdramatic."
"Your Lipstick-Stained Life is Arriving."

Dispicable.
Only giving what you need to get through the day.
Blistered skin is where you find solace.
"The air cuts like glass."
"Aurora, Don't Leave Me Yet."

On Principle.
Find safety inside your burning eyes of blue.
Thoughts, skin, air, oil, it melts the same
"Rest inside the flames."
"Your Lipstick-Stained Life is Arriving."

Rest Inside The Flames.
Never Be the Same.
All You Are is All of Me
Burn Inside of Me.

********

20. Rest Inside the Flames

Your ambitions left you stranded
All the things that he demanded...
The left hand must not understand
What's going on with the other hand.

Restless tonight from cooling waters
Freezing eyes open as you stutter.
What's gone up has fallen down
What's left when beauty drops her crown?

Aching joints in silent protest
Will you speak up, will you contest?
Is all burning in the bloodwork
Injecting essence for the soul's work?

These predictions were unfounded
How then did the sage recount them?
Seethe inside the blackened heartstone
Frozen eyelids, bleeding tears across the phone.

What else is there left to say?
"Welcome to the scathing stage?
I hope that you enjoy your stay,
Just stay here, rest inside the flames."

You can stay as long as you will
tend to the heart that loves you still.
All you are is within me
Rest in the flames, rest in me.

Rest inside the flames.
Rest Inside the Flames.

********

21. Damaged

This symphony will not return to harmony
Permanently scarred, forever barred
From witnessing the opening ceremonies
That give substance and relief to conscience.
A ceramic doll's face is still impure
Just hidden beneath the layers of glaze.

Feathers are missing veins and fly away
But unsweetly crash when dropped again.
Bones and humans, one and the same
Strong by one means, collapse in the right pressures.
My eyes have never been bandaged
But why; the sky bleeds a torrent of damage.

Worthless as dated corrections from the wrong year
A ceramic face that is cracked and seeps.
Marred eyes from a countenance unmoved
We danced around the floor and bled across the soft tiles.
I'm the one who damaged you
With the damage within me.

22. The Division

True; 'twas a mirthless decision
The count had to make;
To continue his incision
Into life for another life's sake.
The troubling word was "division"
The separation of church and state?
Working his eyes through inner vision,
The descent to a world free of hate.
Dare he move her? Dare he ask?
Dare he wipe the sweat from beneath his mask?
Dare he forget that the host grew tired?
Dare he forget all that'd transpired?
Through masterful precision,
A steady hand of late,
The count made his incision
Separation of early and late.
Despite the transition,
He did desperately state:
"This woman's division
Is hardly caused by fate!"
Dare he understand? Dare he lift a finger?
Dare he know that it was he who pulled the trigger?
Dare he find cause? Dare he find hope?
Dare he look at things from a different scope?
With fluttering eyes and stuttering vision,
The woman returns to a wakened state.
She softly said that "after division,
I suffer less hate..."
Drowned out was the conclusion,
Rasped by the media, arriving late.
Now, as history forgets the inclusion,
The author must tell you of this saint.
Dare she request? Dare she question?
Dare she ask for a recount of succession?
Dare she wonder? Dare she scoff the formality?
Dare she ask who had taken her personality?
The final words,
Though absurd
Were soft as those of a dove:
"Without this hate in my heart," she said,
"I can no longer feel any love."

********

23. A Mentor's Rant

"Your squanderous usage of the language
Lends itself to hand-trained apes
Your life shall forever be a distasteful
Footnote to the blind
Marring the long-winded, rhythmic,
Illustrious dissertation on the life of poetry.
Yea, though your eternal lines may,
Under the proper guidance and circumstance,
Invoke eloquency so beautiful that is beyond
Even the most perfect of tongues;
Though you may be a pure release,
Catharsis for the soul.
You, unrhymed poetry,
Shall perish
Beneath my oppressive,
Destructive,
All-consuming iambs and trochees.
Nothing that has worked so well as poetry
Should be suspect to change --
Slavery?
Technology?
Nonsense -- there was GROWTH in humanity!
Slam poetry...
A step backwards."
From this author in the recessed annex:
"A step backwards, yes;
But into perfection."

********

24. An Unsent Letter
^{It's like a bad Hallmark card..}

May you be held and never suppressed
By the arms that keep you embraced.
May the winds at your back aid onward
But never force you prematurely forward.
May the hand that hold you on high
Not be the same to leave you to die.
May the waters that lighten burdens on you
Never be the ones to overfill and drown you.
May the thoughts that set you free to fly
Not be used to wound when you try.
May this strength that I send to your heart
Be a reminder of how special you truly are.
May these words forever be the same
As those that refill you when you're drained.
May many joys light up your lovely face
And help you work through pains with grace.
But most of all, know that these next words,
Though most likely not destined to be heard,
Mean that in my heart you'll always dwell:
"I miss you, and I hope you're well."

********

25. A Mirror's Message

I thought I heard the footsteps
Falling onto heavy boards of an unused floor.
Turns out it was just my heart set
On seeing her finally come walking through the door.
And I never thought I
Would be thinking deeply of these troubling things.
But I can't explain why
There's damage undermining behind the scenes.
There's gotta be more than
Strangling within.

Stifling air
Stuck me
Cut me
I still remember
The coldness from your covers
I will never
Heat the heart you smother.

This is the last time I'll speak of this
But only if your promises keep.
Take this from me, heartlessness.
You'll be seeing more of me.
This is the final stage of tragedy
The last time in trial.
This is your endless blasphemy.
This you is defiled.

Stifling air
Stuck me (with me)
Cut me (from me)
I still remember
The coldness from the covers
I had never
Been warm with lovers.

This is the last time I'll speak of
This.
you're gonna pay for it,
you're gonna pay for it.
You're gonna pay for the damage you've caused.
You're gonna pay for it,
You're gonna pay for it.
You're gonna pay for the silence you caused.
you're gonna pay for it,
you're gonna pay for it.
For you is me.

********

26. So It Ends.

And so, in a searing flash of emotion,
A flurry of pain,
My life ceased a moment to have motion:
I'm alone again.

********

27. The Gears
^{Work in progress. Hardhats mandatory.}

Will the gears of my head
The cogs of dread
Begin their somber movement again?
Will my aching eyes
The deafening cries
Persuade her once again to try?
If the heart that was left
Is caught and ripped bereft
Would my soul leave me to check?
Would God in all his glory
Reign supreme o'er my story?
Or would my life take the role of eyesore?
Is there a happiness left for me to seek out?
Could there be a doubt?
Isn't this what life is about?
In fires we are tempered; it's where be belong:
The loss is what leads us along
Through the loss we become strong.
But where is my strength today?

*******

28. Keep Grinding, My Son

My strength left when she cut me free.
But maybe this was His way of making me see
I wasn't right for her;
She wasn't the one for me.
Sometimes He works in mysterious ways
And sometimes we curse Him on bad days
But one thing is for sure:
It's not us, but He who gets the final say.
Now when I lie awake, unable to dream
I roll to my side, where shadows seem
To dance and play
In shapes to remind me of a love that screamed.
When I turn, sighing, away from the memory
I watch the spider make her web of ivory on ebony.
As she plays amongst her catch
I understand what caught me; the epiphany.
As God spake to Job:
"thou may not understand
Why it is that I put ye through such pains
But understand this, Job:
Your suffering shall end though ye may ne'er understand it:
For I work in ways that shall be readily known in hindsight."

********

29. Nora Rose

One day, a beautiful flower bloomed before me, in tones
Of crimson, marigold and rigid white
In all its innocence it stood like a monument to nature
And her defiance of the campus of breathing
But dead brethren around her; her leaf-sisters lay spread out
As a nude in a centerfold, vulnerable, beckoning,
With eyes of the brightest colors of life
The snowflakes that fell insistently sent a shiver down to my roots.
The flower, in all her knowledge that life would end
Premature, alone, and with only the acknowledgment of this sad-faced man,
Still proudly displayed those things she had her entire life
The beauty she kept within till the right time decided
Life needed to be shown her inexplicably noble loveliness.
Within hours she was wilted and dead.
Her sisters of the plant died closed and browned;
Her petals were still a striking, albeit frozen hue of scarlet.

********

30. Comforted Solution

Through euphemisms and white-elephant dances,
Edging about the plague-ridden carpeting, to take no chances
At the centre of the room; testing the waters lightly,
Insisting upon touching my hand ever so slightly --
But I digress.

I cannot digress; this is all I dream -- what am I saying?
Eyes of amber and earth, beauty completely worth staying
After school for. A few minutes late to the gym mean naught,
Remember for your mother’s sake not to get caught --
I can’t explain.

It’s not as if we’ve done the worst of deeds written
In Shakespearean tragedies, the first man you fell smitten
And utterly longing for. He had eyes like yours:
Though in a light I’d say yours shone all the more --
I’ve betrayed.

Some logic in me says you don’t mind.
It doesn’t matter – love is blind.
We both have the scars to prove it again
And again; love isn’t worth the trouble; it’s vain --
But don’t forget me.

Not mixed from glass, I’m my own comforted solute.
But only when I can breathe and, now, that I dispute.
If it didn’t get caught in my throat daily,
I wouldn’t look away and dawdle after class shyly --
I’d come out with it.

*******

31. In Telling

Truth is the acrid stink of a discharged rifle
Whose projectile has met its mark to annihilate
That which bears false truth in prophecy.

Truth is the grasping of rough hands to frail neck,
The final result of the emptiness within a lonely man,
The procession of time rotting bodies and headstones.

Truth is the searing pain of a soul's emergence
From a bleeding, gaping wound - the very existence
Of the creature who now lies sleeping at the breast.

Truth is the tears in the father's eyes at his marvelous child,
The spark of life given anew by a graceful and forgiving God,
The fading pains, a small price for this miraculous birth.

Truth is present in the beginning and at the end;
In between the two extremes, its absence brings false witness
To make untruths true in the eyes of hope and desire.

But truth shall one day claim the truth it made before:
That all things given unto this earth are living,
So must all things that once lived die.

********

32. The Blame

Father yelled for me to get out of the luscious bed;
When I traipsed away, wronged, bleary-eyed,
I left glaring evidence on the white - blinding red.
Later that evening, mother followed the trail
As a hunter would, stalking prey that had not died
Entering the room, ready to skin the doe so frail.



With pleasure, Rhuaide Callan [Elysian]