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Pub Quotes

And other bouts of alcohol induced insanity

Because you can't beat drunk logic!

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Big Emma Drunk logic always makes sense 'til you wake up with a traffic cone in your bed


Big Emma *talking to Scott* We might as well bend you over the table and fuck you backwards


Lil Emma Well I get it everyday now
Ian You get it off me every Thursday


Ian It won't come out!
Erin Shake it harder


Big Steph Don't worry Ian doesn't mind sticky things


Big Steph Just lie there with your legs open and just kinda wink at people


Big Emma www . hamster porn . com


Big Emma We're like the equivelent of lager lads aren't we?


Ian Your fingers are small enough to make me squeal


Big Emma The only drinking problem she has is her glass is empty


Lil Steph He makes me want to eat chocolate


Lil Emma Steve the sexual deviant meerkat


Lil Emma I'm bored and I have a tail to play with


Big Emma What were you drinking? Gold plated....alcoholnness?


Ian It has a bell on it!
Big Steph Like most men do


The Lesbian I easily stain


Erin Where are you putting it?! Where?!


Big Emma I think the cider's gathered in my ear...


Big Steph Stop it! I don't need a menu! My penis isn't erect yet!


Big Steph He's got assets that aren't assets to me
Rosie Like a bald head and a dick?
Big Steph Yep


Rosie She was talking about anal and I was like who's Neil? He seems nice...


Rosie Oh do boys just shake? They don't dab?


Rosie *talking about a condom* Doesn't it look like a dolphin that's died?


Lil Steph I'm no longer gonna rub your head


Big Emma Nowt quite like a spoon *licks*


Michael I don't wanna know where that's been
Lil Steph What the chick or Ian's mouth?


Lil Steph *sat on Ian's lap* I'm going up. Why am I going up?!


Lil Steph Michael's getting me wet


Dee *after someone jumped on her* Oh shit me bladder


Big Steph Who's going where?
Lil Steph I'm going in your Mam


Erin It’s like a boob magnet


Bex Right that’s it. Your testicles are going inside you later


Big Emma As long as you're keeping it warm. With your powers of arse


Dee Omg it's attatched! Omg its a centimetre


Dee I feel like Marilyn Monroe but less classy


Ian I'm sorry but he's wiggling his arse at me!


Rachel Matt have you had a shave?
Matt ....Thursday


Big Steph She does Ginger squealing. When she's being molested. Or when she's excited
Michael Or both!


Big Steph It's like ear sex but missed!


Rachel I'm soooo sorry, go back in the boobs


Ian I want bread...with toast


Ian My gaydar is shit. If it were on someone else it wouldn't even point at me


Ian We just saw a fign for Fishmunk


Bryoni *holding out phone* Ian you sound like a man, answer it


Chris This is like circular...but with corners


Bryoni So when do we get naked?


Matt Erin wasn't impressed when I said she should wear her kitten as a mitten


Chris *talking about the corset Ian is wearing* Ian that blue really brings out your eyes


Ian Steeeph, you made me wet


Big Steph *thrusts against Ian*
Ian That was a bit hard. I'm not used to it like that

*Ian and Chris in corsets*
Ian Fuck off I'm clearly better


Bryoni He doesn't look good in a cushion


Ian Oh wait I have tassels


Big Emma You can have a go of Lil Steph's 12 inch cock


Nikkeh You know, the amount of drink that's been spilled down my chest, if I leave it 'til tomorrow I'll lick my own tits and get pissed


Lil Steph You didn't bite it right!
Ian You weren't dangling it right!


Big Emma I must be like, superhuman when drunk


Ian How does T Rex wank?


Lil Emma I'm hungry...
Ian I dunno what I am..


Lil Steph You know I try to wear lady-like skirts, but I want to have my legs open and show off me fluff


Ian Poke the hole. You know you want to


Scott I like things when they're down there


Scott I was looking in the mirror and I was looking at a girl
Lil Emma What's new?


Lil Emma I'm dribbling all over my skirt
Michael Thanks now you're dribbling all over me


Big Steph A pint solves everything...Apart from cirrhosis of the liver
Big Emma 2 pints will solve that


*Talking about Graham the bar tender*
Big Steph You alright? You look flustered
Big Emma That’s just his tan


Lil Emma We don’t have Engrish anymore! We can burn our Engrish notes!
*Major glompage ensues*
Big Steph …Have you farted?
Lil Emma *sheepish* You squeezed me


Big Emma I have a 10....and another 10....And together that makes 20!


Ian Oh hang on, I can't fit it up


Lil Emma I panicked because something touched me….It was my hand


Big Steph Get your head out your arse and lick me


Big Steph Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians
Rachel That's how I want to die


Big Steph You're brilliant
Rachel I'm ginger


Daniel How many more people are coming?
Big Steph Well I haven't come yet