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2010-04-09 08:50:30
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Stalker Haters United

Stalkers are a serious threat. Never take them lightly, and if it looks like I make light of them here, don't take me serious. They are dangerous, obsessive people who want nothing more than to chop you up and make a better friend out of you. Just ask May.

...Stalker Types and How to Get Rid of Stalkers...
Last update: 4-2-10

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Stalker Warning Levels

If two or more apply, then your Stalker is a:

Grade: C -Don't worry too much, they just like you a little too much

-Mildly follows Victim around
-Doesn't get out too much (i.e. no social life/ little or no friends)
-Constantly talks about Victim around other people
-Calls Victim incessantly
-Wants to hang out almost every day
-Stares at Victim incessantly
-Usually very shy or has low self-esteem
-Asks permission of the Victim to Stalk them
-Everyone has been a Grade C at least once. Don't worry too much about it

Grade: B -Be careful, the Stalker is getting serious

-Glares at everyone that Victim smiles at. Possible thoughts of killing anyone that the Victim flirts with.
-Bumps into Victim "accidentally" at least four times in one month in weird places (i.e. a place you hang out a lot that you've never seen the Stalker at)
-Waits by the phone for Victim to call them for more than one hour, or:
-Waits to call Victim exactly, on the dot, of any specified time
-Constantly, with increasing persistence, touches Victim gently on hand, arm, or leg. (*)
-Spreads rumors with the Victim and the Stalker in the same sentence
-Can't explain why they are driving/walking past Victim's house at 2am
-Doesn't realize that they're taking note of when Victim is home and what Victim is doing
-Wants to watch you shower for no reason (Victim gets creepy vibe)
-Follows you home, makes sure you go to bed OK, then sleeps out in their car outside your house just in case you need anything
-Visits most of the same websites/chatrooms that you do, just because you're there
-Pays friend or family member to follow your car and report back where you went
-Blames you for burning or cutting themselves intentionally
-Breaks into your house to wait for you...

(*) This technique may also be used by Grade A Stalkers. The Stalker uses it the same way someone tries to break in a horse. Its a very hard technique to fight as it involves the Victim giving in slowly over time, eventually making them subservient to the Stalker. Awareness is the best defense.

Grade: A -Run for your life

-Calls victim 24-7-365
-Fantasizes about Victim and the Stalker together
-Tells Stalker's mother that the Victim is going out with them, without telling the Victim
-Forces you to hide under your bed to escape them (note: DO NOT come out unless absolutely sure the Stalker is gone)
-Checks up on Victim using means of Victim's friends, long range equipment (i.e. binoculars or walkie talkies), or a camera (preferably one with a zoom)
-Monitors Victims online movements
- Tells the Victims best friend the details of, for example, a one night stand, that the friend should have never have heard about, especially not in gruesome detail and definitely not by a smiling Stalker.
-Chops Victim or Victim's friends into pieces and makes new friend (thank you May for that vivid image)

Types of Stalkers and How to Get Rid of Them

Shake off those pesky individuals before they chop you up and make a new friend out of your body parts!

The Run Impulse
*Im-pulse* : a force so communicated as to produce motion suddenly
Most people like to chase the attractive sex, not have them chasing you.

The Run Impulse; the feeling of needing to run far away from any contact with the Stalker because of fear related messages running through the brain. The Victim realizes that the Stalker has gone too far and nothing that you say will stop them from chasing. The Stalker usually forces the Victim into hiding.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

Confrontation is the best bet. Always have a witness. If you're too shy or you don't think that that approach won't work, try this. Avoid the local places and people that you usually hang around with. It's annoying for the Victim, but even more annoying to the Stalker. They have to try harder to figure out what you're doing and where you're going. They will have to work double hard to catch up with you and will eventually tire and stop. With time, hopefully the Stalker will move on.

Be careful though, If the Stalker realizes (which they will) you're avoiding them, they will confront you. Unfortunately, this usually seems to happen at the end of dead-end alleyways. Not cool. Not only are you trapped, but the Stalker is frustrated and can't figure out why you don't want them. This need for you can become dangerous to your heath, so I recommend keeping friends around whenever you go out on the town and avoid taking long walks at night by yourself. Maybe get a girlfriend/boyfriend - that usually helps out as a buffer against this kind of Stalker.

The Clinger
*Cling-er* : to adhere as if glued firmly, to have a strong emotional attachment or dependence
No one needs someone clinging to them. Everyone has their own personal bubbles to protect themselves from unwanted emotion.

The Clinger, naturally, clings to people. Typically, this Stalker thinks that the victim is in love with them. Anything the victim says or does gets diluted and warped to support this delusion. Usually has connections previously set up with Victims friends, family, and/or law enforcement. In extreme cases the Stalker will set up connections after they've picked their Victim; These are the kind of people that you never hear of before, then all of a sudden they're best friends with all of your friends and they've already met your parents. This is done swiftly and covertly, putting you in the uncomfortable and quite difficult task of winning your friends back to your side.

*~*Do not confuse this Stalker with just another ordinarily clingy person.*~*

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

This is a tricky one. Usually the stalker is very sensitive, emotionally. To put this one down is going to be painful; the Victim will feel like an ass and the stalker will feel unwanted and later, hateful. The Victim must confront the stalker and make them realize what they have been doing. Be creative, but try not to be mean.

The extreme Clinger needs to be put down, sometimes embarrassingly hard. First of all, you need to make sure that you will not turn out to look like the bad guy in this situation. A good Clinger can turn your best friends against you (usually with a sob story and maybe a few tears about you being a unbelievable dick, i.e. you lead them on, etc.). Next step would be to turn the tables and let everyone know all the crazy-creepy Stalker things that they do (Don't mention the small stuff, as your friends are naturally going to take the Clinger's side over tiny things. This just makes you look paranoid if you're nit-picky). Gang up on reluctant friends using friends currently won back over; use these "won back" friends to guilt trip the reluctant ones. Events should play themselves out, but don't forget that if they did get to your parents, let them know the whole story, if you don't you'll hear about, "What ever happened to so-and-so" for several years to come.

For the outgoing Stalker Hater, you may want to try being as annoying as possible, or try Stalking them back. You could leave weird voice messages on their phone or text messaging them at 4am for 2 weeks straight. The whole point is to become more of a Stalker than they are; to put them in your own shoes. This is not a recommended course of action.

The Obsessive Stalker
*Ob-ses-sive* : excessive often to an unreasonable degree, relating to or characterized by recurring obsessions and compulsions especially as symptoms of a neurotic state
A serious problem. Hard to tell If it is not just a friend fucking with you. If it is serious, drastic steps must be made to contain and quarantine the stalker.

Characteristically shy and likes to watch the Victim from a distance. Stalker is likely to own binoculars or a telescoping camera and usually Stalks at night. May leave notes or presents where the Victim would find them. A newbie Stalker will often betray themselves accidentally causing the Victim to realize they're being watched by someone. With a seasoned veteran, the Victim may never know till it's too late...

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

First of all, you need to make sure it's not a friend just screwing with you. Spread rumors about calling the cops the next time anything happens. If you are sure it's not one of your friends, it's time to get your game face on. Lock your doors whenever you leave your house and think about getting a dog, one of those big, mean ones. Hang a misleading sign portraying a cute poodle-like dog on the back door. Try to figure out if there is a pattern to when this Stalker comes around, then either stay up and watch for them or get friends to help. Try to catch them in the act and prepare yourself to chase them if they run. Also, bring a bat, just for good measure. If the Stalker still wont leave you alone, alert the cops and see if they can help stake out your place. In the very least get a description of your Stalker; this gives the Stalker shape so it doesn't seem like "they could be anybody". After that, try to narrow down the people who this Stalker could be.

For the more serious cases of the Obsessive Stalker, the more people who know where you are at all times, the better. Try not restricting your lifestyle, but maybe carpool instead of walking alone to work or school and a compact can of mace is a must. It fits easily in a purse (or man-bag, whatever) and because of its shape, can easily be found if you desperately reach for it.

The Ugly Stalker
*Ug-ly* : offensive to the sight, morally offensive or objectionable
Ooooo. The ugly ones. Nothing is worse than an ugly stalker.

No one likes an ugly stalker. It will usually be very hard for the Victim to put this one down as they are the most prone to do unexpected things. Try not to outright call the stalker ugly, because this could lead to a number of different situations. One, the stalker could kill itself. Problem solved. Or, two, the stalker could kill the Victim. Big problem. This Stalker will usually be the most avid and "outgoing" of any other Stalkers, refusing to admit the truth even to themselves. Usually forces the Victim into hiding.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

This is a definite Run Impulse situation. Use everything and anything to keep the stalker as far away from yourself as possible. If that does not work, as they can be persistent, try to let the Stalker down easy saying that you need some time alone or that you want to see some different people.
Be creative, but don't lie: They'll always catch you. And remember, they ARE a Stalker and probably know more about your life and where you go than you do. Getting a girlfriend/boyfriend is usually the best fix, as it focuses the Stalkers hate into jealousy. That way, if the Stalker decides to kill, you won't be the one with the target painted on you back.

The Hot Stalker
*Hot* : of intense and immediate interest, capable of giving a sensation of heat or of burning, searing, or scalding
Exceptions, exceptions....

Trickiest of all the Stalkers is the Hot Stalker. Typically thinks that the world revolves around them, probably because they were popular in high school. Now they're in the real world where people don't give a shit about them and their world is crumbling around them. Because of this "trauma", the Hot Stalker has the tendency to go a little crazy (bad for you). An off-shoot of this Stalker type is a combination of several different Stalker types. Basically the Stalker doesn't realize that they're hot and unknowingly adds that into the mix. Usually this type wasn't a bimbo when they were younger and generally aren't blond. Victim is for some reason attracted to the Stalker, probably because they would do well as a couple if not for the whole Stalker tendency. Bummer for the victim.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

Check for personality and compatibility to yourself. Maybe being stalked by this person is not that bad at all. I don't recommend not worrying about all hot Stalkers, some crazy people can be hot too. Typically this Stalker usually gets what they want and may use their influences to turn the situation around on you using friends of both the Stalker or the Victim. Being rough with this Stalker has been known to work on occasion, but the best bet would be to let everyone know what she's doing. Make sure to have at least one friend with you whenever you're around her so you have a witness. By telling everyone that you know about her, you strengthen your defenses and protect yourself from unwanted rumors. DO NOT confuse this Stalker with a clingy hot person. Nothing's worse than realizing that you just blew it with a shy person just because you did not communicate and mistook them as a Stalker.

The Unconscious Stalker
*Un-con-scious* : not aware, not consciously held or deliberately planned or carried out

Probably the scariest of all the Stalkers because, for the most part, the Stalker isn't aware that they are Stalking a Victim (or Victims). Characteristically this Stalker takes routes that are out of the way, but just happen to be taking them right by a Victim's house. May drive in circles for hours, unconsciously looking for a familiar truck/car owned by the Victim. Also likes to kidnap non-Victims at the same time that they Stalk, which may intensify their Stalker abilities of finding someone. Mostly Stalks at night. Usually this Stalker is mostly self-possessed and believes that the world revolves around them.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

Lock your stuff. Three simple words. A drunk Unconscious Stalker may wander into your house, which would complicate things if you happen to have anyone else over at the time. Beware of this one, you have to remember that they don't know that they're a Stalker. You will have to step in and let the Stalker know what they're doing. If they continue, feel free to inform the police of harassment and of violation of privacy.

The Doppelganger
*Dop-pel-gang-er* : a ghostly counterpart of a living person
Identity Theft has reached a whole new level...

Usually of the same sex as the Victim, this Stalker tends to show up as a friend in the beginning, becoming uncomfortably close, then starts to become you. Wearing the same clothes, doing their hair the same, doing the same things you do, exactly how you do it... It's almost like they plan on doing away with you and taking your place. This is not only creepy, but may turn into a serious threat.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

As a good friend or a child, it's kinda cute, but for someone that you just hang around with or a total stranger...You get the idea. Not only creepy, but also may be dangerous, especially with Identity Theft being the new "In" thing. Imagine the risks- Yup, best to get rid of them as soon as possible. You may try dressing in way that is totally different than anything you've ever done before. For example, if you're dress nice, try dressing sloppy or wear black for a time (that always throws people off). Don't do it all at once because the Stalker will sense something's up, and if anyone asks, don't explain yourself. Keep this up until the Stalker changes their appearance. If the Stalker changes to something different, then you can go back to wearing anything that you want. If the Stalker changes towards you, to get back into the groove of Stalking you, change your appearance again. Keep this up until the Stalker doesn't know how you're dressing, then they're left with nothing. Just like a chameleon that's sitting in a steel colored room; the chameleon will give up and will usually pick the most out of place color (usually black) as a kind of a death wish. Make them work at Stalking you, don't make it easy on them.

The Cyber Stalker
*Cy-ber* : computer network, mostly pertaining to the internet

Creepiest of them all is the Cyber Stalker. Ever have that one person who's on all the chats that you're in and always seems to know when you log on your computer? This one is probably creepy just for the fact that you can't tell if it's actually who they say they are or some scary 80 year old child molester at the other end. You never can tell... Anyone can post someone else's pictures as their own.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

Imagine a faceless enemy that depends on deception and deceit to learn more about you than you would want any stranger to know. Ever. It's easy enough to post a different picture as a member photo and change your member info. That girl you were talking to ten minutes ago, that you thought was seventeen, might actually have been a thirty-six year old who likes eighteen year old guys. He might even live near you. Or it could be just another chick that likes you a little too much. How do you get rid of one? Easy. 1)You could never go online again until you're sure they've forgotten you, 2)You could ignore them and hope they go away,
3)You could confront them,
4)You could pick a different screenname, or
5)You could tell everyone you know about this crazy Stalker.

Each one of these options has its ups and downs, lets break them down.
1)Staying offline... : Would a Stalker actually wait for you? Probably not. Would all your friends wait? Yeah right. So, you get rid of your Stalker, but you also lose all of your friends, not to mention not being able to visit that site for who knows how long.
2)Ignoring... : Ignoring them can be quite fun, but unless they're a small fry Stalker, this route is not the safe one. This just drives the Stalker to desperation- Definitely a side you never want to see. Usually they go quiet, in the guise of a new friend that they switch over to every now and again. They still keep the old profile, commenting and Stalking so you don't realize they're multi-Stalking you.
3)Confronting... : Only a good route if they're an Unconscious-Cyber Stalker. If they're serious, they might just trash their current screenname and pick a different one. Trust me, having a Cyber Stalker and knowing who they are is much better then having a Cyber Stalker and not knowing who they are.
4)ID change... : How can they Stalk you if they don't know who you are? This is a good maneuver if there is a lot of people on the site and looking through them one by one would be a pain (i.e. Facebook). The only problem is that they do have the chance of finding you again and you would have to let all your friends know who the new you is. And if you're like me, more than likely you're going to practically copy-and-paste your whole profile from old to new; which obviously makes you easier to find.
5)Telling everyone... : Probably the best route, for all kinds of Stalkers, is to tell everyone you know about the Stalker. This way you have all your friends on your side when they come around and if they change their screenname (*cough*[Revolution]*cough*), you have that many more people looking for multiple profiles. The only bad thing about this way is you do have possibility of looking like a complete ass if it turns out the Stalker was a super hot model who was just unsure of how to catch your attention.

The Twelve-Year-Old Stalker
*Twelv-yir-old* : Applying to anyone from the age range of 12 to 17 who wants you desperately, usually in the form of sexual implications and/or intercourse
Remember people, card your sexual partner. Preferably by police database.

Note- "twelve-year-old" is an expression used to define Jail-bait. It includes all age types from 12-17 years old. (This is ultimately the reason why I created this site, although I fail to see why it took me so long to add it as a Stalker type) This Stalker type doesn't manifest until the Victim sorrowfully reaches the age of 18. After that point he/she is instantly regarded as a sexual target for anyone under 18. Usually the Stalker travels in groups of 2 or 3, but have been known to work cooperatively with 4+ like-minded Stalkers. This Stalker may not be as big a deal with Victims of the female sex, but for the males its facing incarceration for 15 years and most likely anal probing on top of that. ALL AROUND DANGEROUS- DOESN'T MATTER WHAT CLASS STALKER. Stay away from these.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

Dangerous to be sure. You could find yourself down a hole legally speaking if you step wrong, even if you haven't done anything illegal. Reputations are also at stake, with friends and for life if you get convicted of anything. 12yr-old Stalkers are sneaky and often think they're doing nothing wrong. Because of this, and also because they're not mature enough to fess-up, they often can blow things out of proportion with authoritative types like parents and police just to be able to come out clean. Unfortunately for the Victim, parents and the local judicial branch seem to like to think that the young Stalker is an angel (innocent) and wouldn't do anything like think about sex. Good for the Stalker, bad for you.

Also, I would like to point out that with many young people, if stress from an authoritative figure is pushed upon them it is really easy to turn memory from objective (comes from yourself, truthful) to subjective (comes from other sources, fictional). If stress is imposed upon objective memory, it is very easy for the young mind to overwrite their objective memory using fictional sources making it seem to the young mind as factual. I've seen fathers go to prison for sexually abusing a daughter because the daughter actually believes that she was abused (using fictional memories).

Knowing your Stalker and the friends/possible like minded Stalkers (usually they travel in packs) is a must. Don't take them lightly and make sure all your friends know what they're up to. DO NOT show interest. In the younger age range of the 12yr-old Stalker, most of them give up after roughly a month - bored of you (which is a good thing). Know the signs of this type of Stalker, avoiding a Stalker early is easier then trying to pry them off of you later. 12yr-old Stalkers usually travel in groups of "friends", aka "other Stalkers", and have been known to sit around your work place or hang out for hours doing nothing, but watching you and giggling. If you receive any cards or letters (usually worked on by the group and covered in multi-colored ink and glitters containing phrases about how awesome you are and how much they (the group) love you) accept it, show it to your friends, scoff at it, then answer any questions in person. Both, while accepting it and answering their questions, pretend that you're confused about the whole situation (without saying that) and generally make the group feel like stupid little kids. Answering in person helps that out by not childishly returning a reply letter. Always keep an exit open when answering in person as kids are quick and you can easily be trapped. Remember, you don't have a group of your own friends around you and if you did it would look childish. Avoid anything that you and the group might have in common. Talk about tattoos or drunken visits to the bar, these topics emphasize how much of an age difference there is between you. Try to be as mature as possible as this also helps widen that gap.

Always let your friends know of where you went, what you did, and when you did it whenever it applies to your 12yr-old Stalker. This helps create alibis that may save your ass later. Do this especially when dealing with the older range of 12yr-old Stalkers, usually from 14yrs old to 17. These Stalkers usually travel alone or with a friend that can quickly peel off if the Stalker can make a move. Make sure you have a firm resolve, don't make out with them, don't let yourself be alone with your Stalker, and don't be tempted to take off any article of clothing (even your shoes, dammit! And especially not a sweater!), and definitely, definitely, DO NOT COME IN ANY CLOSE CONTACT WITH YOUR STALKER IF THEY ARE DRUNK. I've seen too many friends go to jail because they're Stalker was at a party with them. The Stalker woke up the next morning with a hangover and their parents were convinced that they had sex. Parents will make up just about anything with a fiery fist just to convince themselves that their little angel is innocent. Try gluing a friend to your side, one that wouldn't ditch you and one that has full knowledge of the Stalker and your resolve of keeping them as far away from you as possible. Try to stay sober. Nothing is worse in court when the issue of alcohol comes up.

If you think you can handle it (maybe a Unconscious-12yr-old Stalker) try to sit down and talk with the Stalker. Tell them very nicely that you are just too old for them. If they're attractive, give them your number and tell them to call you in a couple years. If that doesn't work, step it up a notch and don't be so nice. Remember, this is your ass your saving, not theirs.

The Predator
*Pred·a·tor* : One that preys, destroys, or devours
'Stalker' never described anything else better...

Most basic of Stalkers, but one with the most needs. This Stalker feeds off the Victim's fear, using it to further their need and to further establish dominance over their prey. This Stalker is the most prone to attack, both physically and sexually. Stalker is usually emotionally stressed, or disturbed, and may Stalk because of several different motivations. Being rejected, for one, may motivate the Stalker to try to reverse that rejection or correct it, where-as they may just be out to scare the Victim, for pleasure or personal vendetta. Many Predators, or Stalkers of this nature, have personality or paranoia disorders of the schizophrenia kind and are usually not fun to deal with.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

Record everything. Save voicemails, letters, emails, and start thinking about a diary to notate every contact that this Stalker has with you. Above all, most importantly, let other people know. Even if you're not sure, better safe than sorry as this is a Class A type Stalker. Always keep a witness with you. I recommend involving the authorities as soon as possible, you don't want to be cut up and made into a new friend.

The Domestic Stalker
*Do·mes·tic* : Of or relating to the household or the family - Also relating to past or current relationships
Ever had a crazy Ex?

Most common of all Stalkers and most prone to violence. This Stalker class contains Stalkers who have had a previous relationship with their Victim. Usually the previous relationship ended badly and was ultimately broken off by the soon to be Victim. Most Domestic Stalkers just don't want their relationship to end or want to get back together with their Ex. The Stalker feels a deep sense shame at their rejection and usually blame themselves for messing up the relationship. From here on in the Stalker gets continuously more intense and violent while trying to "fix" their situation to get back to whatever narcissistic fantasy they've concocted.

Suggestions on How to Deter Stalker-

Get a new boyfriend/girlfriend. Keep your new relationship buddy as public as possible and let the new bf/gf know about the crazy ex. Assert yourself in the relationship- make it understood that it's your ex, and you'll take care of it- Adding the new bf/gf into the mix with confrontations usually ends up messy. Automatically erase voicemails without listening to them and screen your phone calls. Make sure to stamp down on this Stalker and let them know that it's over- do not let them gain control of your own life.

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[Pillowthief]'s House
Shuu -Important info! For me at least.

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2011-11-09 [Pillowthief]: Just have to wait a few more days... of watching you...

2011-12-09 [Pillowthief]: Wow. That last comment wasnt creepy. I wonder if I was drunk when I said that.

2011-12-09 [Mortified Penguin]: That or you're drunk now and reading it incorrectly.

2011-12-09 [Pillowthief]: ...

AM I drunk now?

2011-12-10 [Pillowthief]: Im feeling like I might just show up on Mainstreet or something. And How.

2012-01-20 [Sagacious Turkey]: Nope, sorry. As it turned out, Thillowpief got the honor due to a typo. Congratulations, Thill!

*nobody looks up from nothing and goes back to not doing anything or existing*

2013-07-14 [Sunrose]: Thillowpief teehee..

2013-07-29 [Pillowthief]: Dammit. I need to be on here more often so I can catch Turkey early, before he makes sad insults that are insulting in themselves. :[

2013-07-31 [Sunrose]: Yes!

2014-09-02 [Sagacious Turkey]: Hey! I- *raises a finger to make a point*

*his finger doesn't make any points*

*removes his finger for insolence*

2017-01-13 [nokaredes]: First comment in 2017

2017-01-13 [Mortified Penguin]: Last comment for five years!

2017-01-13 [nokaredes]: Not if I have anything to do about it

2017-01-13 [Mortified Penguin]: But are you going to do anything about it though?

2017-01-13 [nokaredes]: No, probably not. :/

2017-01-13 [Mortified Penguin]: Okay. :(

2022-02-04 [Sunrose]: I see you..

2022-02-05 [Mortified Penguin]: Stalker!

2022-02-05 [Sunrose]: Chavez, I know where you live dammit!

2022-02-05 [Mortified Penguin]: You know where original Mort lives. I am actually Mort #9 in a long line of replacement Morts.

2022-02-06 [Sunrose]: The diluted version!

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