The netpaper about Elftowners, by Elftowners, for Elftowners.
True Identity
By [Runingwhispers]
My mother thinks of me as her friend, a close cousin sees me as a brother born of companionship rather than adversity, to an old friend I have become a tutor, and most recently a door mat to an obnoxious individual who took advantage of my nature.
Defining ‘identity’ is highly speculative, thus I will not claim to be an authority on the subject. In fact I have only just discovered certain aspects of my personality I didn’t know existed until I was forced into a situation.
What defines who we are?
During the course of this discussion I will quote a few psychiatrists, the first of which said the qualities that distinguish one person from another, defines our identities, which in my opinion boils down to our choices and what influences us to make those choices.
Remember high school and all the cool kids? They had confidence and a more defined sense of who they were because they ‘belonged’. Another eminent psychiatrist said that was that was the first of four things that our identities rested upon; a sense of belonging. There is probably nothing stronger than that and fortunately for me I went to a military school where social class was not an issue.
The next is rather controversial, a healthy attitude to one’s death.
Do not misunderstand me, I do not mean being suicidal. Regardless of what the reasons are that people attempt to take their lives, I fail to see the point, perhaps I am too dense.
A healthy attitude here would be not to fear death and live your whole life in dread of that unknown moment when you will no longer be with us, but to see life as a gift and treat it kindly and with gratitude.
In my opinion, attempting suicide is failing to face the problem that gave you the idea; it is living in denial (or attempting to die with it). Here is the thing, you are not the first person in the planet’s history to experience what you are going through and you will not be the last. If everyone who gets dealt the hand fate has given you takes the same path you are taking, there probably won’t be anyone left to read this article.
First things first, admit you need help and you are already half way there. Talk to some one, a friend or family, tell them you need help!
The third is a willingness to confront difficult issue. I don’t think that just comes on its own, it is like a muscle that you need to excise and develop, as is the forth and final attribute – A loving spirit that reaches out to others. Okay, that last bit sounded a bit mushy but it’s true.
Let’s look at a willingness to confront difficult issue. Phillips Brooks, a preacher of a past generation, said, “The true way to be humble is not to stoop until you are smaller than yourself, but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that will show you what the real smallness of your greatness is…”. The most essential quality when confronting difficult issues, either in ourselves or with others, is humility. Trust me on this; it makes you see things clearer.
Bottom line, you are not just a victim; you are also an instrument – of change? Possibly, there is only one way to find out.
Finally, I would like to repeat here what I heard only recently. “True love goes on demonstrating concern for others even when one’s heart may have reasons to become self-preoccupi
ed.”
Which brings us to motives and influences, things that make us do the things we do. While serving others there is as big difference between feeling good because we have served others, and serving others in order to feel good.
What you do is determined by what you choose, what you choose is determined by how you think, how you think is what you are.
Who are you?
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