REST IN PEACE

Jacquelina Nicole Paynter

Born            Death

June 14, 2005   June 27, 2005

Weight when born: 4 lbs. 11 oz.
Length: 14 and 3/4"

For the short time she was here she showed me great resposibility and love. You never know how someone so little and so dependent on you can change and make your life better. It said that He had to take her from me but at least I got to experince being a mother and feeling that great bond that one feels with their child (or should feel). I don't regret my decision, her heart was just too severely deformed and the heavens were waiting for her. She had the shape of a Cherub. We think to ourselves that maybe she was too beautiful and too pure to be here on earth. I know we question what His plans are, but we'll NEVER know the TRUE cycle of life till we get there. 

Yesterday 2 of my nephews reminded me of how truely innocent children really are.

My 5 year old nephew looked at me with angelic eyes and asked:

"Auntie Censia, Why your baby die?" I just kissed him and said "Tevin, her heart just wasn't like yours, mine or your daddys." But what shocked me is what he said next, "She's in heaven with Nino boy playing right?" Nino boy is my nephew Benito that died when he wasn't even a month old. I just ran to him and kissed him.

Later on that evening I was watching SmackDown with my cousin Debbie and my other nephews and I NEVER watch that and during a commercial my newphew Jordan who's 8 asked me "Auntie Censia are you gonna miss your baby?" And I said "For ever and ever and ever." Then he said "We'll see her when we die right?" Oh that broke my heart. 

       REST IN PEACE

JACQUEOINA NICOLE PAYNTER
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I have a new Webblog. check it out the link is at the bottom of my house. :)

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I just thought I'd add a few pictures of my baby.*grin* This one you see right now was at her viewing the day of the funeral. She was soooo beautiful. And always will be. She made her mama a better person. Maybe that's why she was here to change my life for the better and to help myself.

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The last few days have been a little difficult. My uncle asked me tonight why i haven't been the same the last few days.
I have been reflecting on my daughters death and my life and what I can do to fix it. Step one get a job like I did. I can't wait to start it!!! I'm so excited....like I have said on most of my wikis.
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The last few weeks have been chaotic. That's my life right now. I'm unstable and I never know when I am going to have a breakdown. I don't like being like this and it's driving me mad!!!! *pulls hair a little bit, haha*
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I GOT A JOB!!! I'm working at a grocery store called WinCo and I'm in the Deli. I've got a lot of scrapes and bruises, and burns...but I can live with that. LoL.