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Page name: Learn To Pronounce [Exported view] [RSS]
2005-02-14 17:51:43
Last author: iippo
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Learn To Pronounce


Hi this is [iippo] and I want to teach you all desperate people the beautiful ways of pronouncing properly. Since I am the queen of ultimate truth and the goddess of all things small, I wield the authority to teach you, beloved vermin, the magnificent ways of saying words out loud to other people in order for them to understand what goes on in your mind. Hokae, here goes.

Number One:iippo
We will start with a tricky one, so you will understand that pronunciation is absolutely key. Now you see the word, your mind thinks it over... no, stop thinking about hippos, hippos have nothing to do with this. Let us analyze the word. It is a finnish-originated word, clearly, for it has a double-i and a double consonant in the middle, in our case, a double-p. ((¬_¬ *sigh* yes, it is peepee, can we all be grown-ups now, thank you... *muttermutteroyveywhataschtoidelmuttermutter*). A double-i (aye aye) is pronounced as a long ee-sound. Don't forget to give enough pressure to the double-p, you can't say it as one p, iipo, for then we would face a question, what is the other p there for, and that is not a question you wish to answer, trust me. And then we end with an o, but note that it is not ow, so there is no need for that excess u-sound. Just drop it at poh. So now we have learnt the way to pronounce iippo: eep-poh.

Number Two: Fuck
This is such an universal word that you must master the pronunciation of it if you wish to be acknowledged in the real world. Now, since the world is bi-polar, the word has two different ways of pronouncing, and you must familiarise yourself with the different contexts before using this word. Now, since fuck is an English word, we will start with the proper English pronunciation. If you are in England or are in the presence of English nationals, (this doesn't apply to English nationals - if you are born and raised in the UK, you have to learn the other version that I will explain soon enough as long as you let me go on and stop asking stupid questions. Thank you), you pronounce it with a strong ah-sound and a sharp k in the end: fak. If you are an English national or are in the presence of non-English nationals, you pronounce it with a long oo-sound, f00k. Now the question raises: what to do if you are in England but in the presence of non-UK-people? In such a case, you apply the second method.
If you would like to know more, get yourself acquianted with the history of the word fuck. You can do so here:
http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/history.htm

Number Three: Uber
Here we have a german-originated word. And because Germans - a proud and loud nation - are very strickt in the pronunciation of their language, you should take extra care when using this word. There is a common mistake people make here and that is failing to see that uber does not have umlauts. If it did, it would look like this: über. And as you see, it is radically different, hence it is pronounced radically differently as well. Where über is pronounced ew-ber, uber differs from it like this: it is not an ew-sound, but more like an oo, sorta like in the second version of fuck (f00k), except never spelled like 00ber, that is just plain silly.

Number Four: Wiki
Wiki is a hawaiian-originated word, so no easily explainable rules apply to it, other than the following. Despite of the fact that a 'W' is falsely named as double-u in the English language, people with sharp eyes notice that it is in fact a doule-v. We will forgive this name-issue and use the letter w correctly. So when you say wiki, there is no ui-sound in the beginning, like uiki. Instead it is a sharp v (and don't forget to give the k in the middle some space too!) so wiki is infact pronounced as Vicky.

Number Five: deus
Deus is a latin-based word, and since latin is dead, I shall apply my own logic to teach you how to pronounce it. So it is not pronounced like deusch, nor like deutsch. It is much more subtle with the two vowels e and u. So we start with d, then we have e, bt not ee as in iippo, but more like eh, but deffinately with a silent h. Then follows the u, and take care now and don't try to merge the e and u in to each other, the u is supposed to be like a short oo-sound here. And add the s in the end. D-eh-oo-s.

Number Six: Work, word, girl, smirk, horse, pork, fork, porter, ect...
What these words all have in common is the letter 'r'. And that is the cue to the pronunciation of these words and other words of this kind. You have to pronounce the r as something like an i. Instead of work, you should say woik. Woid, goil, smoik, hoise, poik, foik, poidah... If you find this difficult, watch movies by the Marx-Brothers and listen carefully how Groucho (the witty one with spectacles) pronounces. That is the way you should too.

Number Seven: Stuff, stick, stitch, schmoidel
What unites these words and other words like these, is the important scht-sound in the beginning, like you'd expect an old jew to pronounce. Schtuff, schtick, stchitch, schmoidel.

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2005-02-21 [Pet Rock]: The Germans and their admirers seem to get quite upset when English speakers mispronounce their words. For the record, the Germans started it when the Hannovers failed to pronounce the "TH" in Thames, giving it the odd pronunciation of "Tems." If a word is introduced into a language and the pronunication is changed, don't get angry at the violators, be angry at the introducers, who more often than not do their introductions by invasion. It's nice to learn how to say your name correctly, though. :)

2005-02-21 [iippo]: Well, I link here in my house so people are welcome to come and learn the uberesquesness of my teachings, and he has an intersting point. Darling, don't tell everyone off just because you don't know them. The comment was nice enough, punctuated, capitalised and probably even pronounced correctly, he might be a future nonner.

2005-02-21 [iippo]: Where did the darling slip into my comment? O.o Didn't do it on purpose nor with a patronising tone.

2005-02-21 [iippo]: I know that it's there, but I was just wondering why did I type it. I wasn't asking where it is I'm asking how did it get there.

2005-02-21 [iippo]: Ah, now I see what I did wrong... It should be 'from where'... :\ Prepositions are hard... We don't have them at all in Finnish you see. Ok, confusiation cleared.

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: Look Silvie. This is what people tend to call 'admitting a mistake'. Maybe you should try to do that too?

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: Oke, make that "admitting a mistake that you, yourself made". Now you are just acknowledging my parents made a mistake.

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: Again you added after I commented, then you pck on something that I couldn't have seen. A bit childess don't you think? *Will change something.*

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: "Okies. Kayne - I admit acknowledging your existence was a mistake. Now fuck off." This was your comment. So you did add. Don't lie about things I can check.

2005-02-21 [iippo]: Why aren't you staying on that other page? Why flood mine?

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: I see the point. It is easily to lie about things like that. The only difference I didn't lie and you did.

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: Change of atmosphere?

2005-02-21 [iippo]: Go back to anti-anti!

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: Silvie, or you lied on purpose or you are unaware of your own lie. But you changed the comment. Go back in your internetbrowsers and check it.

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: I know what you commented. I'm pointing out you edited and add a new sentence and that you are denying this.

2005-02-21 [iippo]: aaand back to anti-anti you go!

2005-02-21 [iippo]: Anything related to this matter below this comment shall be deleted.

2005-02-21 [iippo]: Also that. ^_^

2005-02-21 [Kayne]: *Sulks*

2005-02-22 [Pet Rock]: Anyways, going back to matter of pronunciation, I didn't know TH could be so controversial. I just wanted to engage a linguistic issue my friends and I were having. It always started when I pronounce the "TH" in Neanderthal. When I'm corrected I always bring up the Thames argument. I guess apparently German speaking academics are in the process of changing the spelling to "Neandertals" to try and force all of us TH users to stop. One of the most interesting TH pronunciation tidbits I learned was regarding "Ye" as in "Ye Old Merry Inn." From what I've heard, when the Romans came to Britain they lacked a letter for the TH, which I believe is not a native sound to Latin. [cont.]

2005-02-22 [Pet Rock]: So the Romans borrowed the Celtic rune "Y" to symbolize the sounds. Therefore "Ye" should be pronounced "The"

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