naughtyLOTRstories



Brought to you by [Tanzi Took]

Written by Tanya Wonnacott [Tanzi Took] and Elizabeth Ryder [Gracie]

Scenes 9 and 10

Continued from Scenes 7 and 8

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Scene 9

Narrator: In the depths of Mordor, the evil white wizard, Saruman is under the dark lords Saurons' command.



Saruman: This is Saruman, lord of the dance, I mean lord of the earth.

John: Did you want sugar in your coffee?

Saruman: Uh, no sugar for me thanks John I'm cool.

John: Ok!

Saruman: What do you will of me Lord Sauron?

Sauron: BUILD ME AN-



John: Did you want milk?

Saruman: NO JOHN!

John: Ok!

Sauron: BUILD ME AN ARMY WORTHY OF-

John: Did you want coffee or tea?!

Saruman: GOD DAMN IT JOHN, I'M TRYING TO TALK TO SAURON!!.....Sauron? Sauron?! Please hurry up I think I just dislocated my finger. Oh you're still pissed at me for dropping the seeing stone aren't you?



Sauron: YES!

Saruman: …Shit!

Sauron: BUILD ME AN ARMY WORTHY OF MORDOR!

Saruman: JOHN! Forget the coffee and build me an army!

John: Ok!

(Clink clink clink)

Saruman: FASTER!!

John: AARRGGHH!! (Clink clink clink clink clink)

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Scene 10



Narrator: Strider and the four hobbits who had journeyed far stopped to rest the night at the watch tower of Amun Sul, as the road to Rivendell was long.

Narrator: Strider hands the hobbits some daggers to protect themselves.



Strider: Here these are for you. Keep them close by, I'm going to……….take a look round

Frodo: Hmmm (mumbles) take a look around eh?

Narrator: Frodo shoves a condom in Striders hand

Frodo: (whispers) take this

Strider: NO FRODO!

Frodo: Oh, fine I mean if you'd prefer it without I'm cool either way

Strider:………….gay seriously, I have to take a shit!!!

Frodo: OOOHH!!..............fuck. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STOP LEADING ME ON?!

Narrator: Strider sighs and walks off. Later that night the four hobbits were alone as strider was off throwing rocks at owls trying to get some food. The ringwraiths were coming the hobbits could hear them.

(AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!)

Frodo: Quick run!

Narrator: But they were surrounded.



(AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!)

Narrator: One of the wraiths approached Frodo.



Wraith: SOOTHERS! I NEED SOOTHERS!!

Frodo: I don't have any!

(AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!)

Narrator: The wraith stabbed Frodo.

Frodo: ARGH SHIT! OW SHIT!



Narrator: Sam who had witnessed this started to shake uncontrollably.

Merry: Oh shit! Sam's having a seizure and Frodo's been stabbed!

Narrator: Sam falls over and starts twitching and shouting. Strider returns holding a still twitching bat wing

Strider: I COULDN'T DO IT YOU GUYS!.........gay. God can't I leave you hobbit bastards alone for five fucking minutes without you getting stabbed and having seizures?! 

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The Journey continues....
Scenes 11 and 12