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.Messages //.1301-1400.//.

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Dear God,
1301. I wish there was any way of stop hurting her.
1302. Please just let me make the right choices every day.
1303. Does it hurt?
1304. Please will you bring him back? Please let the right things happen.
1305. Make her dissapear...it's inevitable...she will win.
1306. God...I'm scared. am I pregnant? And...if so...help me get rid of it. Please...
1307. Who's to say that "God" is benevolent? From what I've seen of this world, it would seem that this thing we refer to as "God" is nothing but a malicious little child that we've elevated, through misunderstanding, to a mythical status. [Faulty Limerence]
1308. I wish I was having his kid...for some reason it would've made me feel better. :/
1309. Dear God, I cannot express how MUCH I am thankful for him..you have given me someone who I can actually be happy with. And I mean it this time, lord, believe me. I know it's gonna work out this time, Lord. Because I will actually try. With the strength you give me, I know we can be together for a very long time. =) I love you God.
1310. Did I really tell him so much? Does he really still love me?
1311. I feel...really good. She's got some of her confidence back. A bit of resolve. She really can do this. There's no doubt in my mind now. Oh, and a simple yes, will do. You really did, and he really does.
1312. I hate her.
1313. Lord, I hope you understand that by now, the fighting has gotten too out of control. I just want her to be quiet. But happy. Not out of control for the wrong reasons. And God, please protect him. He's really the one i've been looking for. I've waited..please let me trust him.
1314. Talking gets easier and the memories get harder, leaving me about level with the first one. Everything I give up to him makes me want to run screaming into some corner of my head and cry until he turns his back and leaves in disgust. But I will believe in him, and his belief in me, and I will get through this. If you have any to spare, please, God, give me some strength. This is going to be a long, hard, bitch of a fight.
1315. I'm not a good girl, but please, God, you have to help me. I can't do this on my own. Why can't people understand that I mean it when I say that I'm falling apart? I can't do this on my own. I cannot do this on my own! For gods sake, wont someone help me!?
1316. "What a slut."
1317. Lord, I don't get it. He's always been a great person, and I've began to trust him bit by bit, each day. But now, I have the odd feeling that he just wants me for my body, but why....Oh please, Lord. Please tell me that this is not happening, please tell me he wants me for me...because I don't want to relive the dream again...
1318. I don't hold anything against him God, I mean...I AM over him. But still....I want him to feel the way I did. He STILL doesn't understand, he thinks that he has the right to tell me that I had no right to say the things I said...I know I'm in the right this time, I have yet to doubt myself once. So please God, show him what's wrong, why I hurt...show him something worth knowing...and at the same time...show him how it feels to be in my place...make her kill him from the inside out.
1319. Lord, have you been looking down on Earth for a while now? Have you seen the damage that all of our race has been causing? COME ON NOW. You know much as well as I do Lord, but this has GOT to stop. John Winters commited suicide, which ripped a big whole in a bunch of peoples hearts. Were you watching him? A student at VA tech from S. Korea killed himself along with 33 OTHER PEOPLE, just because of his own problems. I've seen the pictures, Lord. And I want to do something about it. Moments like these actually make me want to KILL someone, but I wont let myself drop down to their level. What can I/you/everyone else do about it? Please protect all the people who had died just recently because of other peoples faults. People can't take their anger and sadness out by killing someone. I'm no preacher or lecturer, i'm just an ordinary student/kid/human. But i'm fucking TIRED of thinking about how many deaths have been caused because people were just too stupid. Agreed, Lord. So what can we all do about it... [Kat.]
1320. Please assist the wounded and remember the dead, and all the other victims of the tragic incident at Virginia Tech. Please help us learn to create a world in which solitude and despair are impossible, before the irreparable is again perpetrated.
1321. AHH. Thank you SO much for lifting that HUGE wieght off my shoulders. I feel like I'm capable of doing anything. Telling I'm through with his mind games, telling him that I'm done with being used, thrown aside and than used again. I'm done. and I'll love every minute of it!! Thank you...so much..
1322. I suppose I'll jump on the bandwagon and address Virginia Tech. I had friends there. Hopefully...I still do. What happened there can not be conveyed. Not by a preacher, a pastor, a police officer, a student. Not by anyone. 33 children are now dead. Gone. But it wasn't only their lives that were destroyed. Their parents will wake up to a call or an email. They sent their kids off to college, crying all the while even though they knew their child would come back with a good education and career. They get an email. Just an email or a phone call, to tell them that they'll never see their child again. Their friends will never see them again. Their lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends...will never see them again. Their teachers will never call upon them again. They won't be coming in for extra help after class, or joking around with their favorite professor. Students watched as 33 lives were ended. Students watched as their classmates jumped out of second story windows to escape. Students watched as their friends were shot right in front of them. Children watched as the violence they see everyday in movies, video games, and the like, suddenly became very real. Even I wept as I saw children being dragged out of a building, bullet wounds signifying the horrible truth. It could have been any campus. Any college. Hell, any school. Nothing can convey it properly...not even me... Someone today told me, "Pray for them. that's the best thing you can do." I asked him, "What about the prayers their parents said every night, asking God to protect them, keep them safe, help them lead successful and happy lives. What about those prayers? Now tell me how much praying is going to help." -[Faulty Limerence]
1323. I have to talk to you Lord, about the situations that have been going on lately. So far, the incident with the Virginia Tech shooting has caused many tears and lives to be lost, and recently, my friend lets me listen to this recording of a phone call of a girl who was calling her mother while curled up in a storage closet of a bar because a madman is killing people. Lord, I most likely know that this is fake. If it was real, people would have heard more about it. I don't get it, Lord. How come after such a thing happens (VA tech), why do people RUDELY and direspectfully try to do that? I don't know if it was fake or not, but it sure seemed like it. And also, please keep my stepmoms co-worker safe up there. It wasn't his fault a car ran over him while he was walking to work. Things like that really make me sad. And I agree Lord. People need to stand up more and just...help. If all we do is pray, what will happen to our world? Please let us hear a voice. There's too many incidents now where all people do is just sit around and 'act' sad. What if they were in their shoes. Or even yours. [Kat.]
1324. I think he's maturing, God. Thank you...I do love him....alot. But I don't want to say it, he ripped my insides out last time, my walls are still up. But thank you. Thank you so so much.
1325. What happens if I can't ever get him off my mind? After 8 months of being without him?
1326. Please God, I'm begging you. Please grant me and him the strength to be together and have a really good relationship. The last thing I want right now, is to have him leave me.
1327. I'm so tired. I want to give up...
1328. For The past two weeks something has gone horribly wrong each day...Why can't I just have ONE good day AT LEAST where nothing bad happens at all?? Why can't I have a normal life or normal friends or norml anything?? I know no one is normal but My friends take pleasure in doing things that destroy me. I don't like my prom date and you know I don't so Why'd you let her talk to him? She KNEW I didn't like him and she KNEW he was an asshole and treated me like shit but she still did it ANYWAY. I know she's a bitch and she only does shit for herself but the things she does/says to me I DON'T deserve...no one does. I'm sick of being screwed over. Everytime I turn around someone is stabbing me in the back and I fuckin want to know why. Whether it's at work or at school or with my friends or even at home. I'm getting really sick of it because I haven't done anything wrong to anyone and you know it! I've been there for EVERYONE but they all use me and stab me in the back. I guess that's what I get for trying to help people out. I must have REALLY fucked up somewhere long the line to deserve shit like this. I'm sorry I wasn't born perfect like everyone else. Thanks God...You're a pal...
1329. Hi God. I haven't spoken to you in a while. But i would like to thank you for a few things. My friends, my family, and just being alive. Also, I think I might have sex tonight so please try and stop me.
1330. Why am I so abnormal...?
1331. Lord, I'm tired of always feeling sick to my stomach. Sometimes over nothing. I've been worrying over my boyfriend, even though nothing is happening. I haven't eaten much since day before yesterday. And even then. All together, I have probably only eaten a meal in the past 3 days. Don't make me go through this again, please. I lost so much weight last time, and I'd rather keep it. I don't want to say to everyone what I feel like right now, but I hope you can hear me out. I'm not going to be a boasting bitch about anorexia, I WANT to eat. I almost threw up just now in front of my class. I can't stand it. I want this pain to go away. Please Lord...
1332. What a dick.
1333. Great. I have food poisoning now Lord. Thanks. But I guess I needed it. Or else I would have been more sick, so thanks. But anyways, I hope he comes to my concert. That would be the best thing that could happen to me for the year. :)
1334. I'm sorry I dont make time for you anymore.
1335. Why Lord. Why did you turn him against me. Why did you let this happen. I really truly liked him, and I proved I cared. I did everything that I could to make sure he wasn't sad or angry, or going to hurt himself. I lent him money and asked for nothing in return, and I drove him places, and payed for him because he couldn't support himself. Now, he turned against me, and expects me to not be mad at him and get sad over it? I don't get it. 
1336. He has so much in common with me. I really find something in him. What's going to happen next Lord?
1337. I'd be an idiot not to fall for him...
1338. So how is nonexistence?
1339. These are the times in my life where I don't know where my life is going next.
1340.Please help my friends discover who they are and what they're going to do with their life. Please bring them peace and understanding.
1341.I'm sorry I haven't talked to you for a while.I still love you more than air.
1342. I once believed that you could make life better, that you could be my hope when I had non left in the world. You've never been there for me. You've never cared what happens to anyone but yourself. You're one selfish bastard. I think you suffer from superiority complex. LOTS OF _LOVE[Don't Fall For This]
1343. Is he ever going to realize that I can help him change his life back to the good way it was. I wish he would understand that. That I can help him. Is that why things went wrong?
1344. He says "I love you" alot. And I DO love him but...he said it to her alot too....maybe I'm just being a pain? Maybe...
1345. I love one person, care for one person, lust after one person, and care for one person. The problem is that they are all different people...
1346. Sometimes I wish I could resist temptation.
1347. I wonder if I say it because I mean it, say it because I want to mean it, say to assure him that everything's alright, or say to assure myself. I'm only sixteen, but I wish that I were six. I don't want these mentalities, I don't want these demands and ideals. I want someone to understand for a minute that I am terrified, and that I have to do this my way... I give up all my boundries so that I can have an inkling of normalacy.
1348. Why did he lead me on. He made me fall for him. I just met him, and he's already expecting something out of all this. Holding my hand, holding me, can't get his hands off of me...but he has a girlfriend. Why didn't someone tell me...
1349. Hey Dad. Don't tell anyone, but I still kinda miss him. It's so weird to try and think of him the way everyone else does, the way I would too if it were someone else. I just wish he were normal. That was my wish, that day at the fountain. I threw a quarter, maybe that'll make it happen. You heard. So many people want this for him.... I mean, if I can forgive him for this, and I can wish this for him, shouldn't it count for something? Branden totally scarred me, but I guess it taught me something too...I hope you and me can get closer...
1350. God, please help me find a boy that doesn't lead me on. this sort of thing has been happening to me wayyy too often. i'm starting to doubt myself. my worth. please god. all i need is a small shimmer of hope that i will find someone to be mine forever.
1351. Lord, please let the person above me's wish come true. She really deserves someone perfect for her. And thanks for making me breathe properly again. The surgery went great!
1352. Thank you for helping me finally figure out what I want, and what I don't want. Now I can finally see everything clearly. You are amazing, and I love you with all my heart.
1353. Why are you letting me love him still? Hasn't he done enough, can't I atleast have my heart back?
1354. Lord, please create something special out of this.
1355. Make him learn. Make him realise. Make him see what's sittingin front of him. Make him listen to himself. Make him catch on. Do right, God. Please...for me.
1356. He's amazing. Thank you.
1357. The other night at the party, when we were just sitting around talking about you and your love, it was so beautiful. I felt like I was at home. You are my confort. and i will always need you. Please don't ever think that i have lost faith in you. Please make July 7th come faster.
1358. Sometimes I can't believe this happened to me. I made one mistake, and this happens. When all these other females are whoring themselves off and they never end up like this. I need your help...you know its not my time for this...it will ruin my life. Please, help.
1359. Make her believe in you. Even if she doesn't, please help her. God, she needs you. Please help her mom get some money. Please help her be happy again. She means alot to me and she needs your love to fill that hole in her life.
1360. I wish I could confess to myself it had happened. Then maybe I wouldnt be so timid.
1361. But I WANT it...
1362. Smite Josh Bunting.. That kid has wreaked my life enough.
1363. It was going to be a cut for every thing in my head. One for 'failure', one for 'disappointment'... One for 'You have no right to cry'. One for being 'perfect', and for being 'beautiful'...I was going to hack myself to peices for all the insults and the back-handed compliments until I might as well have just thrown myself into traffic like I've been begging in my head to do because it wouldn't have mattered. I don't know what to think. I feel trapped. I just want some peace of mind...
1364. I'm still scared.
1365. I don't mind her being scared, I don't mind her being uncomfortable at times. I don't really mind any of it, after thinking about it a little bit. I will still have shown her that I am real. I will still have seen her smile, the way she walks, the way she laughs, the way she brushes her cheek against my hand nervously. I have experienced how beautiful she is, inside and out, first-hand. And nothing can take that away. Please, don't be sad, Mouse. I still love you, and I will wait for you. This will not be that last time that I see you, nor you me. I will not run, if you will not give up. -[Faulty Limerence]
1366. I miss being close to you. Please clear my head. I need to know how to help him without hurting him more than he already is.
1367. Please let me be strong and smart enough to give this kid everything it needs to be healthy and happy. You and I both know he/she deserves it.
1368. Please Lord. I have a feeling he's lying. Please tell me what I should do.
1369. Thankyou. i'm so glad we're talking again, especially as it's him. I have missed him. But Rae will interfer.. she loves him, but has never met him.. She plans to be with him too.. how can I get around it? maybe it's all up to Lee now..
1370. I just want my Pearly time back. Good ol' fashioned me and her, hanging out and eating food out of cans. Can't I have that back? I don't want these people here.
1371. I'm sorry for being so ungrateful today :( I will change that. Swear.
1372. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I feel normal? Why do I have these wrong ideas, these fucked up notions? I just want to... I don't know. Lust, lust, lust. It's like some great big presence, filling up my head and scratching its claws down the inside of my skull and I like it. Why is the biggest turn on destroying myself? Why do I want that the most? And since I know there's no way I could feel right about getting him to do it, what am I supposed to do? I'm going mad. My body is screaming.
1373. I don't want to be on the same level as my brother, but instead of him living in my shadow, I have to be perfect to have anyone pleased with me... I got a perfect score on my tests.... I did amazing... And I'm still just the selfish failure I'll always be... and why?
1374. All I want him to do it hurt me. Hurt me and hurt me and hurt me and hurt me. I hope that he uses me, and hits me, and makes me ugly, and makes me hate myself. I hope that he forces me. ... Maybe then I'll be numb enough not to care about anyone else.
1375. I don't think I could force her even if I wanted to. It's an odd feeling, to not truly want to run. I want to stay. I will stick to this.
1376. "Such power over me, it's just desire."
1377. It's been a year since he broke up with me...and today...i'm not missing him. Thanks.
1378. I was wrong. He isn't there for me
1379. I feel scared....please...I just want him back. I miss him.
1380. No more denial. He really is the only one for me...still...
1381. Please let us find eachother again.
1382. Thank you for blessing us with J.K. Rowling.
1383. I guess my game plan is to do something really self-destructive, and have it feel really really good. P.S. Am I going to just fuck this all up?
1384. Please...please...please don't let her have just said that she doesn't love me...please...don't let it start to end here...please...please...please...I...please...please don't let her leave...please...I can't do it...
1385. I Don't Want To Be Trapped!
1386. I hate myself for being like this. I hate my 'bad' habits. I hate who I've become. I want to be happy...and I don't want to smoke up to do so...I want him back...I miss smiling, I miss not crying myself to sleep, I miss not hating her...I miss me. Help me God, help me.
1387. It's very odd, actually, when you think about it. Someone who paid a good amount of attention to this page could almost watch our relationship flow and evolve, from both of our separate views. Anyone who took the time could point out the different stages in our relationship, from both her eyes and mine, just by reading our messages here. And by the way #1386, I corrected a spelling error in your message. "Hateing" should be "hating". No charge. *grins* ~[Faulty Limerence]
1388. I wonder if he screams at the computer like I used to. That "Can't you see I'm lying?! I don't want you to go!" bit that I did so often. What's wrong with me? I don't know. I guess I'm just a little put off of myself... Stupid to let them get so far..
1389. There's no screaming. Not words anyway. Just noise. It's all noise to him now. Just loud wails. The sudden realization that he's not needed, as she used to say. Him leaving would mean less than a broken leg. He'd always told her that it felt so good to be needed. ~[Faulty Limerence]
1390. "I love you"? If he loved me so much...he'd be with me and only me...
1391. Please help me keep myself help to keep my baby healthy. This is the one thing on the earth that will love me forever, like you.
1392. I can't get the smell of cologne and the feeling of hands off me... It hurts.
1393. Lord, please atleast give my heart time to mend before you let me fall in love with him all over again...because...you know I want to, you know I miss him....
1394. You know, thank you alot for bringing him into my life, not only is he there for me in the best possible way, but he's also my best friend and I can tell him anything. We may not be anything right now but maybe in the future, and even if we arent, it's ok. Because he's my best friend and I'm not willing to lose him for anything stupid. I'm thankful for that. Thanks for bringing Jacob into my life. Thank you for showing me a man who actually has a heart and listens to me and plays video games with me that doesnt only try to get into my pants but would rather drive around and chill instead. He gives me hope. He makes me happy.
1395. I can understand why she's mad, I'd be mad to if someone broke into my house. But she can't pinn all of this on me, I'm not going to accept any charges of the such. God, if I've ever needed you before, I need you now more than ever. I need your help, you guidance, I need to keep cool for when the Narks come by for questioning....I need a level head.
1396. Sometimes it's just too hard to get into the minds of guys to know what they're thinking.
1397. I love him way too much, he claims to love me too...but than why is he so infatuated with her?
1398. Thank you God, so so so so much for your Word, your holy Spirit, your voice, your love, your forgiveness, your freedom, your answers to every single one of these words, and your creative acts of kindness. Please, Lord forgive us for never ever doing your will perfectly, which is far better than what we're doing and have mercy on us with what we are going through. Thank you God, for all these things. And thank you holy Spirit for your comfort and your gifts of prophecy, miraculous healings, faith, wisdom, knowledge, the gifts of tongues and interpretation thereof, and your mighty signs and wonders which you have given us in all of creation, and in our very lives. Thank you God for this page, and help us with all these problems submitted here. Hallelujah-like, times a thousand! (And thank you God for the very best feeling in the w0rld, which doesn't even compare to anything else in it!) Amen
1399. God, he's beatuiful when he smiles...
1400. I can't remember the exact words; did I want it? Did I like it? But I know that my short answer was yes. I'd be an idiot if it wasn't yes. But I persisted, I tried to find a long answer, the hard-to-say answer, the answer, which, inevidably, meant no. Did I want it? God yes. I wasn't lying about what I was doing, of course I wanted it... But I shouldn't have, shouldn't have, shouldn't have. Not because it was bad, but because it was just too good. But because it makes it easier to do again and again and again, and it substantiates this train of thought...
Which probably means that I'm going to hell. I'm sorry, God..

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.My Messages To God.
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