♥ Simpet! Or whoever you claim to be these days... You've been arbitrarily selected to be Mort's Member of the Month (MMM) for like the month of... I dunno, let's say April. Seems like a good month. Now, grant me an interview or else.

First question: Why? For the love of GOD... WHY?!




• -chuckle-

Because. The sky isn't green, and it should be. That's why!




♥ Huh. That sounds dumb. Next question: WHEN?!?!!




• You're dumb, you dummy.

Tomorrow. It'll always be tomorrow.




♥ OMG, WHO CARES?

No, seriously. That's the next question.




• God cares. God cares about everyone and everything. Amen.




♥ Then why won't he respond to my emails?!




• You probably have the wrong email address.




♥ Is it not god@heaven.gov? Whatever, maybe someday he'll respond for an interview... until then, I guess I have no choice but to interview other boring assholes that nobody cares about...

Speaking of, what do you typically enjoy doing around Elftown?




• No of course not. Wow, how uniformed can you be? It's god@heaven.com.

I enjoy spending my time stalking a pengu. Pengu's are very suspicious and need supervision, you see. When I'm not waiting for the Elftown Apocalypse to erupt from this pengu I tend to spend my time on site hitting refresh a lot on my browser.




♥ Very interesting. Now, I think it's time to ask some more serious, hard hitting questions. What are your thoughts on the current geopolitical atmosphere surrounding Israel and the Jewish community in-

Nevermind that crap, it's now time to spin the WHEEL OF STUPID SHIT! Give it a spin and see what you win!




•

I think I got the best prize, a horrible death!




♥ Excellent! Everybody wins!

Other than Bob's Diner, obviously, what are some of your favorite wikis on Elftown? And remember, I said OTHER THAN Bob's Diner, so please don't include Bob's Diner, because that's a given.




• I thought so too!

Without Bob's Diner? Man.. that's a hard call. I mean, nothing really compares to the barely contained chaos that Bob's Diner presents. I'll need some time to think on that. Ask me again in a few years.




♥ Maze of Guile and Chess Tournament, huh? Great choices!

So, in a recent interview with Rolling Stone, you were quoted as saying, "And when I do finally take over this stupid, worthless country, the first thing I'm going to do is send them all back to Africa!" This sentiment expressed here by you is quite disturbing and leaves one wondering... What is your favorite salad dressing?




• I thought so too! I mean, who can resist spending time on those pages.. whatever they happen to be.

You keep asking me these extremely difficult, mind numbing questions. I think Penguin dressing is my favorite. The kind made of ground up Penguin, before anyone gets any nasty ideas. It's hard to resist some freshly ground Penguin.




♥ Ground penguin? That's stupid. Penguins are birds and have wings. If anything, they'd be Air penguins, not Ground penguins.

Anyway, you're boring. I wish [Hedda] would respond to my interview request already... Any last thoughts or anything to share with Elftown?




• That's preposterous! Penguins are ground, always. There is no other way for a penguin to be.

My last thoughts are to avoid talking penguins at all costs.. and eat at Bob's Diner! Since if I don't say that, you'll just pretend I said it anyway. :P




♥ How dare you?! I would never pretend something was said that actually wasn't!

Anyway, to see the lame interview, look here: Stephenterview.

To see anything else: Look in a different direction.




• That's true, Mort. Sorry, my mind is addled from all the gasoline I was huffing earlier, before I threw it on some orphans and lit them all on fire to stop the screaming in my head. Not to mention, I'm still a bit concussed from the rhino orgy last Tuesday. Anyway, thank you for letting someone so ugly as me be interviewed by someone as handsome and fabulous as yourself! And thanks for not pretending to be me! Yours truly... me, [Stephen]. *eats ramen*




And then he exploded.

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Mort's Member of the Month