//.1601-1700.// 

.Messages //.1601-1700.//.

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Dear God,
1601. help my sister. she needs it more than me.
1602. I really need to come.
1603. Thankyou ♥
1604. I miss my sweetie. Come home soon, it's been so long.
1605. I looooooooooooove that boy :)
1606. Is he still going to love me...because I know he can do better now...
1607. Have you...you know...moved on...?
1608. I guess I'm not getting that phone call...
1609. I.Don't.Know.What.To.Do.
1610. Poor baby...
1611.27 more days...I know he can do it...but can I? I miss him....too much.
1612. I lied, I have no such superiority complex. I just wanted to have something to say...
1613. I censor everything I say, but I can't censor my thoughts...
1614. Is it so wrong to want to know?
1615. thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou ♥♥♥♥
1616. If he has cancer...I will NEVER forgive you.
1617. She holds up her hand and whispers "Stop." and everything freezes while she drowns out her sorrow.
1618. Logically, one can only be helped as much as they allow themselves to be. Illogically, she cries, and curses, and loathes that he's not there.
1619. I'm fucking disgusting.
1620. And I know that what I'm doing is wrong, that it will come to an end, but it makes me feel better because at least others want me, even if he doesn't... But at the same time he is my world, and I know he loves me even though he won't express it. I loathe myself for the sin I commit in giving my words, not my body, away to another. I do not love this other man, but it amuses me to see him trip over himself for me.
And all this time I know that my world would shatter if he so much as felt a twinge for another woman. God, Father, my Lord, forgive me. Forgive me, because he wont. I love him. More than anything.
1621. Also... My mother, and my father need you more than anyone else I could ever think of. Please please please help my father in Iraq, give him the strength to carry through, and help my mother in finding happiness. They more than deserve the best.
1622. It's a try, not a promise... I don't want to accidently break any dreams I build up...
1623. I'm too tired for this shit.
1624. May You bless us with agony towards too easy answers, so that we can live of the depths of our hearts. GOD MAKE US FREE. May You bless us with passionate anger so that we can work for peace, justice and freedom. GOD MAKE US BRAVE. May You bless us with love so that we can live that way we wish other people lived. GOD MAKE US OPENMINDED. May You bless us with tears so that we dare to reach out our hands to help and comfort others. GOD MAKE US UNDERSTANDING. May You bless us with foolishness so that we can do what others say is impossible.
1625. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont cut myself. I wont... I wont... I...
1626. I'm trying to get your attention. Please don't spurn me.
1627. I'm really surprised. You've made me happy, and I've got my faith in you again. Cheers. =] x
1628. I'll win...we both know I will....
1629. The more I think about it, the less suited you are to me, the more interiuged I become. I've never been able to stand not knowing...
1630. I wish I knew what everyone was thinking...that would make my life a lot easier...
1631. You're still not pretty....stop pretending.
1632. Okay... was I in the wrong? Or is he a petty bastard who enjoys getting their dad to threaten people when he can't fight his own battles and know's he inthe wrong? Which one?
1633.20 more pounds, God...that's all I'm asking.
1634. So wrong. So wrong. Could it become right? Say my name again. I like the way it sounds.
1635. "7up" is what keeps me going...how sad. I love it <3
1636. The only thing I want from you is to experience you in my life.
1637. I find myself slipping. And loving the hunger pains more. Please, I dont want to be like this, but everytime I look in the mirror...everytime I step on the scale..I like that I'm a few pounds less..
1638.Let me find myself, without him...I don't like how useless I feel now that he's missing...
1639. I wish she really missed me.
1640. Help me lose some more weight. It's an emergency! I'm afraid he'll come back and realise how gross I really am...
1641. I know to you, my life may be a sin. But for the first time, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Thank you for letting me find her. My other half, my soul mate, and my best friend. I can't wait to marry this girl.
1642. If you were me than you'd be screaming, "Someone SHOOT me!"
1643. I was screaming that last week. Remember?
1644. Fuck I hate her.
1645. Pills. Mish. Huffing. ANYTHING...I want to forget, that's all. The less time I spend sober the less time I have to think about everything.
1646. They've made me see sense. But, can you please help make the scars disappear? I'm ashamed.
1647. I don't know if I like this feeling, this inexplicable inability to control my thoughts. But it feels so good, I don't know if I dislike it either.
1648. Please help me help my friend...
1649. Maybe she'll never understand.
1650. The mouse to her cat.
1651. D'you want me?
1652. Dismayed to find yourself alone?
1653. Come home. Kiss me. Love me. Let me take care of you. I miss you...
1654. I wonder if any single one of them actually pays attention to me, and not fucking me.
1655. Madam 1654, I'm wondering the same thing...
1656. God...I miss me. I miss my old life. I miss being able to be me. I don't want all this anymore. I'm tired of living for the next joint or the next line. I'm tired of feeling happy just because I stopped living for a few hours. I don't want to sit and let him push me around. I want to atleast be able to believe I deserve to live...I shouldn't want to end everything so bad...
1657. I feel so alone...and it hurts.
1658. So, I like him. I think that his best friend likes me. It's faux pass to turn down the friend to fuck him, and even worse to try and screw them both. I could confess to the friend that I like him and hope it works out for the best, but... =S What a bitch of a situation.
1659. I'm a horrible person. Help me change. I want to.
1660. I know it's not right, but sometimes...I wish he was forced to stay up there longer. I want a new him. I want another him. I want him...but...nicer, with a bit of moral. And...plus, I like myself more when he's not around. Kind of. I do miss him God, but...could you make him learn a lesson? I just want things to be better then they were before he was sent away...
1661. I don't feel sad this morning. :)
1662. Can you give them AIDS? Go on. He's a player, she's a betrayal friend. He deserves it all.
1663. Hah, funny. I'll remember to never thank you for anything again. Things were good, and you took her from me. I started to have trust in you. Funny thing to do huh?
1664. Ask for me...
1665. FUCK I HATE HER. I just want her to GO AWAY. I want her to DISSAPEAR! Something productive. All I ever wanted was to be happy. To be able to say that I'm in love. But she's always in my way. Fuck off you fucking Cunt, haven't you fucked enough up. Fuck you.
1666. Please help these souls.
1667. Thank you for everything you have blessed me with. And please help me through labor and stuff when the time comes, it's gonna suck...and also, please let him be healthy.
1668. I miss my baby :(
1669. I love the freedom to do what I want and not feel guilty.
1670. UUUGH. Oh my gosh I HATE that place. The sooner you're out of there, Hunny, the sooner I can light it on fire. Fuck.
1671. That voice is back. That little voice that screams and screams in the back of my mind until I can't take it anymore and I crack. I hate him. He treats me like shit...he makes me feel like shit...so why do I bother loving him? why do I waste my time...I'm such a mess...and I'm all his fault...
1672. Do it. I fucking dare you. You actually pushed me...I didn't think it was possible. Congrats 'hun. I swear to god..do it...I wanna be free again...
1673. I didn't even want to do it in the first place...I think I have to now..and..I hope I DO get sick. I hope I get sick enough to be sent to the hospital...and I hope he has that on his concsience for the rest of his natural life...
1674. Is this because I cut myself? Is this because I wish awful things on them? Or is it because it's not meant to be? Was last night cuddling with Doug basically saying "Mike's not worth your time, focus on this kid"? Tell me.
1675. Promises, promises, promises, you're so full of shit.
1676. Why do we dream what we do? Why must I keep dreaming of him, when it's obvious enough that things will NEVER be the same, and he'll never look at me like that again? It's painful in the morning, when I wake up, and find out that it was just a dream. It seriously hurts. You know how much I love him, and how hard it is for me to NOT think of him. It's been over a year, and I just want to move on. So please, let me.
1677. Don't think badly of me for turning him down. Don't make me defend myself for feeling uncomfortable. You don't know anything about me. I wish you would learn.
1678. What do I do?
1679. Note to self: Please keep your mouth shut after a night out drinking, you r-tard.
1680. Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You. I know it was a silly thing to pray for, but you made it happen. now i know you're truley looking out for me. and i just want to let you know that even though i may not act like it sometimes, everything i do always comes back to what you want me to do. i love you so much. Thank you for the best night of my life.
1681. fuck you too.
1682. I'm trying, I really am.
1683. If his intentions are to hurt me, than he's doing a marvelous job.
1684. So, what do I do? My brain says stop but my heart says otherwise. I can't choose, I shouldn't have to choose, this shouldn't be a decision *I* have to make...
1685. I said make up my mind, not let me fall for the old tricks again. Jesus. But I do love him, but only because I'm fool.
1686. which one?! Have I set myself up to be hurt by him as he isn't returning calls etc? Which one? Him or him? Help me decide.
1687. Make her dissapear. Get her the fuck out of my picture.
1688. Why won't someone love me...?
1689. I can't get the idea out of my head. All these impossible thoughts. The thoughts where we're both happy, together, no problems, no drama, no drugs, no one's there to make either of us feel like shit. We're free to do what we need to do, we don't have to sneak around. Everything is perfect. I want these thoughts gone because thinking about what will never be....is not fun....
1690. I can't keep doing this. I can't. This whole trip I was thinking about her. I was a single guy on a ship full of couples. It was just rubbed in my face for five days straight. And I could not stop thinking about her. I will never go on a cruise again. Not while I'm single. Not while I've still got her on my mind. I felt so...empty.
1691. I want you to take care of me, very badly. But failing that, I'll learn to take care of myself.
1692.FUCK I hate you so bad.
1693. I'm losing my baby, and it hurts.
1694. Someone...please...I need some form of sensuality...please...
1695. I find myself surprised to be an object, something inhuman to be given and taken away as fate dictates. Something not of my own control, but something to be had instead. Not a person who can be wooed, but an item, which must be won, stolen, or simply removed. I find myself surprised to learn that this careless classification which I have always believed of my body (something physical with no connection to my self) actually refers to my mind as well. The body… It is not something to respect, but coin to pay with. If you want it, then take it, use it until it’s useless. You love the body, after all, not I. But the thing is, the rest of me can be treated the same way. And I am surprised. The objectivity hurts. The heartbreak (is that what it is?) is painful in a way that catches me off guard. The talk of me, as though I am a gift, paraded before you only to be taken away on a whim of fate, makes me cringe against the pillow you made me promise to keep to myself. And all of this talk scares me. It shakes me. Because, for some reason, I feel less human than I ever was in your eyes. Like to begin with, I was me, but now I am a conglomerate of things, and none of them are me. I wish you didn’t want me. I wish this body didn’t do so much for you. I had to leave last night on the phone, because I couldn’t stand to hear you say it. I franticly made myself ugly the next day. Hair unbrushed, clothes loose and unmatching, with dark patterns of ink marring my skin. Anything to make you not want me anymore. I’m so afraid of eyes on my skin that I’ll take my clothes off for you, with a smile on my face, to punish myself. And I scream in shame inside when the eyes travel down my body. It’s not the first time I’ve hurt myself on other people’s lust. But the truth is, I’m terrified of this, and more than that, I’m afraid that when I talk about him touching me, you’re not angry because it was wrong, you’re jealous because he got what you didn’t.
1696. No...
1697. I think that I'm a danger to myself when I'm alone...
1698. Sex is power.
1699. So, how do I convince someone that I'm all they need. No more her AND me, just me. Because I know he's all I need. Yesterday was amazing and I wouldn't have changed it at all. He knows I love him, he realises that now. I know he loves me. But, God, how do I convince him that she's...of no use anymore?
1700. Your email's make me irrationally happy.

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.My Messages To God.
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