//.1701-1800.// 

.Messages //.1701-1800.//.

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Dear God,
1701.I miss being close to you.
1702. I am happier when you are happy. I wish I could cheer you up.
1703. Between Milton and Lord Byron, I have melted. They make wordplay so very erotic.
1704. Why don't they love me?
1705. Listen here, buddy. Fuck you. Stop fucking with me before I stop it myself you condescending fucking asshole. Yeah, god, or whatever you are, that's right. I'm talking to you, you dick. Just leave me alone!
1706. I will be my own ruin.
1707. Rape me. It's for my own good.
1708. I can feel the holes in my lungs.
1709. An object of desire, not a person. You'll have to force me. Oh, please do.
1710. Just fucking LET me leave then. Forget the drama.
1711. I wish he'd sit down for a whole ten minutes and think. Think about how much I must have grown to hate him. I hate loving him. It drives me nuts. I don't want lies, cheaters, more lies and than some heartbreak. I don't need it. I really don't. so concider me for just a minute...because...I need some saving right now...
1712. I'm scared. Please guide me through this, and be with me when the time comes...
1713. Why can't I get over the abortion? I'm sorry agreein to going through with it.. I just wanna move on *cry*
1714. There's so much that I want to say... But I'm not going to say any of it.
1715. he IS my hero <3
1716. Happy chirstmas :$
1717. It's days like this that make me feel bad for letting him die for our excuses.
1718. Isn't it sad how people usually forget that christmas is supposed to be all about you? Happy Birthday Jesus!
1719. I called him, and wished him a merry christmas.. and.. We talked.. for.. about ten minutes...Eheh.. I feel like I must've sounded as stupid as I felt.. :P
1720. I'm happy today.
1721. She even manages to ruin fucking christmas.
1722. A baby in the fucking family =( I want mine back.
1723. I'm horny and lonely and my vibrator is out of batteries. Sigh.
1724 I assume that's what happens when you become dependent on them.
1725. I love you so much. Thank you for everything. Your my everything.
1726. She spends the morning counting pills. 53 out of the bottle, 53 into the bottle. 53. Warning: If you take more than 10 mgs, please dial 911, or the number for your local poison control center.
1727.She was gone. Life was amazing. Do it again...please...
1728. Make it hurt more. Please.
1729. How could I think to compete? He writes so much better than I do.
1730. You are pissing me off.
1731. It's just another blow straight to the chest. I can feel it God, I can feel my heart breaking. It's just another blow...it's not like it matters anymore...she'll win.
1732. I should've let him cut himself open. I should've let him tear his own skin. I shouldn't have gotten inebetween him and his broken beer bottle. What a little unappriciative shit.
1733. Let the games begin.
1734. I want to fight that stupid bitch so much. Fucking stand still, I just need one fucking good hit. Stupid little shit.
1735. He makes my heart ache. But I can't be his everything, so I'll be his nothing instead.
1736. Weak-willed, but making you want me gives me a power I don't get elsewhere. And I need that...
1737. I won't be forgotten again! I wont watch you hurt yourself! I wont do this, not again!
1738. Things are working out now, right? Please...?
1739. THINGS NEVER TURN OUT RIGHT. Never ever ever. I'm not asking for communism to end, or for you to end all wars, I'm asking for things that are so simple, so easy that it's a wonder I can't make it happen myself. I want MY boyfriend to be MINE. I want them to leave me alone for all of ten minutes. I want nothing more....just small, simple, easy things that make sense. If you want, while you're at it, end war, solve our communism problem but keep in mind that it's ten times eaiser to just help me...:(...I need it.
1740. How dare he!? HOW DARE HE!? I don't get it, God. I treat him like a king. I try as hard as I can to do everything right and than BAM all I get is shit in return. How is that fair??
1741. I love him...I just wish he'd stop making me cry so much...
1742. oh maaan I dunno what to do anymore =( I just can't carry on with anything any more. why have I lost all motivation?
1743.Yea, make friends with her. Shut the fuck up.
1744. She loses her morals around him. She does it without digust, or contempt. She does it because he is sweet and well-behaved. She does it because he lets her, she likes it, and nothing changes when she does.
1745. No, no no no no no no no. NO. There's no way I can do this anymore. There's no way I can take the shit piled right on top of everything else. I can't do this. I can't handle this. My head's about to blow, there's so much I need to fix, there's so much I need to say, so much needs to be done. I need a break, I need to get away because...at this rate I'll commit suicide before I turn 18...
1746. I'm getting too emo for this lifestyle. Shoot. =S
1747. What the hel do I do now? He wasn't my world, but meant a lot. What the hell am I supposed to do? He wasn't there for me, but I like the thought of him being beside me.. Oh I really don't know. :(
1748. It was going the right way! If only I had told him how I felt a few weeks, maybe even days earlier, he wouldn't have found someone else. He still likes me. I like him too much to be annoyed with him. But at least we're still friends. Who knows, he and this girl might not last...
1749. Thank you so much for blessing me with such a beautiful, healthy baby boy <3
1750. And it just keeps going >_>...
1751. We're both going to get ourselves killed, but I'll love you all the more as we go down in flames. Just let me die first, okay?
1752. Oh. My. Gosh. What the hell is going on? Why am I being reduced to tears by them? Why are they doing this to me?
1753. An eye seems like a small price to pay for a life... Such a small price... Suddenly I feel betrayed by Merry Gentry. A one-eyed swordsman? Even being magical wont restore your depth perception...
1754. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Just once. I want to scream and yell and tell the whole world how much I hate her. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. I'm tired of being played. I want everything to end because this is too much....
1755. I've found that boys hear what they want to hear. If they're on top of you, they don't notice the difference between gasps of pleasure and sobs.
1756. #1755....I know.
1757. *laughs* You don't know. You have no fucking clue.
1758. When you sent him to me, were your intentions to kill me? Because this is the impression I'm getting...
1759. I always sleep well after I see him. But he was supposed to be there and wasn't, and last night's nightmares were worse than usual...
1760. Do you know when you're on the verge of a mental breakdown? Do you always feel that pressure in your head that makes your heart just collapse and your brain shuts off and you stop thinking? Are these those signs I'm supposed to look for, is now the time I'm supposed to get myself back together?
1761. They don't even realise how fucked up they've made me. They don't know what they've done, what they've created. I'm going straight to hell and it's all their fault. I'll end up dead before I escape from this place...
1762. Things are a little crazy, so who's going to save me from myself?
1763. why can't we be together again? I love him still, 4 years on.. :(
1764. "Relax." "Calm down" "Grow up." FUCK YOU. I'm so tired of hearing the same bullshit from the same people. Leave me alone and everything'll be better...I know this for a fact.
1764. God, I am living the life of my dreams. thank you.
1765. She coughs, sputters. The burn is sudden and intense on the back of her throat, almost acidic. But all in all, it's not as bad as she expected. How does it taste? she asks herself. Kind of smokey. A pause. Duh.
1766. If she starts smoking...well, at this point it would make our minds up for us. I couldn't be with her. Maybe at another time I could have moved past it...but I don't know that I could these days.
1777. I want my dad back...
1778. I knew the answer. I knew who it was before I ever asked the question. I already knew it was him. And I still couldn't tell her how tremendously it frightened me to hear.
1779. She opens her hands and spreads her fingers, letting it all slip through her grasp. Watching it fall away, and not caring enough to grab it before it's too late.
1780. This is all being destroyed before my very eyes.
1781. He makes me sick.
1782. Even best friends hurt you. Even the nicest things people say are lies.
1783. Oh, I hate you so much...
1784. Please help me to find something to do with my life. I'm scared not knowing whats going to happen.
1785. My muscles are so worn it's hard to type. My body is screaming at me for using it so harshly. My hands are blistered. My legs are shaking. But encouragemnt and gentle teasing helped. And I feel right for the first time in weeks.
1786. I want last night back... Please? I was so happy.. I finally felt like things would go right... Please. Please. I need it to go right. Please.
1787. Is it okay to miss a way of life so much, you just learn to hate it so much...you'd rather kill yourself than have to go back...no matter how much you secretly want to...
1788. I don't know if I can actually give it up.
1789. In the morning, when we're both scrounging for scraps, when we're both so keen on getting our morning fix...don't you wonder why we let this happen to ourselves? Look at my life now...
1790. Give me a reason to trust him, please...I'm begging you...
1791. You're not going to make this easy...are you...?
1792. I'm mentally breaking down. Everything is so intense now. I don't know how to deal with everything...
1793. She is overwhelmed by cuteness, not used to this puppyish feeling wiggling inside of her. She squirms and can't sit still, makes lists in her head and replays scenes, and isn't sure she likes it one bit.
1794. You promised me that morning that I'd be the first when you were ready...
1795. Because sex is all that matters.
1796. I don't care an ounce about sex, at this point. I wasn't referring to that.
1797. I love you.
1798. What if I die before people notice that I'm living?
1799. I only wanted one thing today. All I wanted was to have one rose sent to her. Just one, with a note that said "For a mouse. -Anonymous". That's all I wanted out of today. But of course the internet had to cut out for the rest of the night. Of course. Of course.
1800. Come for me :( I'm waiting!





//.1801-1900.//
Just a quick thank you all, for all the wonderful support you have given this wiki over the years. I can't believe how much this has grown. You have moved me. I love you all and I wish you all the good things in life. You are all the good things. :)

Malavika S.
[i'i]

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.My Messages To God.
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