Alrighty then... for those of you who care (or are just nosey about such things lol)::

As I mentioned way back when, I finally went and got some professional help to deal with some of my mental health issues that I've had for as long as I can remember. So I went to my family doc who once again diagnosed me with clinical depression, no surprise there. He then referred me to a counsellor in the Family Health unit in our area to help me figure out the other part of the puzzle that is me.

I've met with my counsellor Daphne twice now and she's an awesome lady. She also diagnosed me with adult attention deficit disorder, something she's been helping people with since the early 80s. So I know have a better understanding of another facet of who I am and why I am the way I am. Mind you the ADD is only another part of the whole but I've started medication this week to help with the symptoms and I'm really, really hopeful that it will work. Will the meds fix me? No but it is another positive step in my own personal healing process.

I still have a lot of childhood and emotional scars to work through as well as a life time of self loathing and guilt I have to learn to let go. I understand that and I'm finally looking forward to learning to do just that. I deserve to be happy just like everyone else. Not everything is my fault and feeling guilty for things won't help deal with the cause. I don't want to be sad without a recognizable reason any more, I don't want to deal with anxiety over scenarios that have very little probability of happening any more and I sure as hell don't want to scare or hurt my family with my ridiculous rages any more. I'm done.

Now before anyone else says something about this, I'm going to broach the subject myself. RANT START:: I do NOT consider my depression or my ADD to be the old 'GET OUT OF JAIL FREE' card that some do. Depression, ADD or my own scars might be at the heart of why I react a certain way or say something most wouldn't but when it all comes down to it, I am the one responsible for my actions and words. I DO acknowledge that what I say or do can/will hurt/offend/piss off people and I ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for my actions. If I say something or do something, its because I believe it is my right to do so and not because the ADD made me.

Saying a treatable disorder or a drug made you do something is as ludicrous as a murderer claiming the gun made them kill. Yes, some disorders and drugs will cause actions the sufferer cannot always control but you know what? Its still not an excuse. It doesn't work in a court room when a defendant claims they aren't responsible because they were drunk, it doesn't work just because you have ADD or were on something. YOU were the one who did the deed so YOU are the one responsible for the consequences. As the saying goes: 'if you don't want to do the time, don't do the crime'. Everyone fucks up at some time in their life but there are very few who at least have the balls to admit it.
You might have to prove your case to me if I'm the dumbass who did/said something stupid/wrong/asinine/brutal/mean but I will accept responsibility for fucking up when all is said and done. Lord knows I've done it enough in the short time I've been on the planet and I'm pretty sure I'll do it again. That's just human nature and anyone who can't admit that is just deluding themselves.END RANT

So yeah, that's what's been up with me lately. I'm still in counselling and I know that this is still just the beginning of healing for me. I'm really looking forward to my future now and I'm ready to start liking myself too. I just want to thank those of you who have put up with me, listened to me, been there for me and waited on me over the years I've been on ET. THanks guys... we may not talk as much as we used to but I'm really glad I've gotten to know all of you and I still think about ya now and then:
[Acerbus] (lol)
[Ariandra]
[Kyrinn]
[Savien]
[Mom]
[Perplexity]
[Calico Tiger]
[Lerune]
[Evilmonk]
[WestFactor]
[Thistlewood]
[Skydancer]
and anybody else I've forgotten (and I'm sure there's a few since my memory sucks)

Thank you, love ya, hug ya... God bless, Spirits bless and good luck in all your endeavours.

Yuri

Stolen from [Nioniel], [Kaimee] and [hanhepi]


1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle name)
Lynn Thomas

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
Grant Alphonse (O_o wha?)

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Bowle

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Black Dragon

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Ursula London

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Red Sake (saw-key)

7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Leen

Heh... I think I found the perfect song dedication for someone here on Elftown who is rather near and dear to our hearts (yeah, sarcasm there). I think the lyrics are self explanatory really::

"Headstrong"

A recent excerpt from the resident nut job's public diary::

"Not knowing quite what to make of all of this, I needed to talk to someone about it, not to talk about Debby really, but to try and understand the real meaning if any there could be behind this. So I decided to talk to Yuriona about this, whom at the time, I believed to be a good friend and one that I could trust to voice my concerns with without it being broadcasted to others. Whether or not she has kept this conversation to herself, I don't know, and at this point, it no longer matters anyway. But in this MSN conversation is when she informed me that she was sorry that she hadn't warned me about the history between Hedda and Debby and she was sorry that I was the one that was the unfortunate one to be caught in between the two of them. She had always felt there was more going on between Hedda and Debby than meets the eye, and quite likely I was the object of Debby's jealousy, because Debby used to go around kissing Hedda's ass every chance she got. She had always felt that Debby had a thing for Hedda and likely didn't like the fact that Hedda 'might' also like someone else. She then suggested I take my concerns about the virus thingy to Hedda, which is what I did, and so since then, I have had this thrown in my face, by Hedda and by Debby."

God damn it... I knew I should have saved that MSN conversation. I really hate having to explain shit that Crazie_ladie has taken out of context and twisted to her own devices. Plus it was a conversation held so long ago that I don't remember exact details but I do know that I can shed some light on her insinuations.

"she informed me that she was sorry that she hadn't warned me about the history between Hedda and Debby" :I do recall mentioning rumours going around the council back in the days before [Sunrose] retired but there wasn't anything I could substantiate really other than [Hedda] and [Sunrose] appeared to be close.

"She had always felt there was more going on between Hedda and Debby than meets the eye, and quite likely I was the object of Debby's jealousy," :Yup I did. Past tense now and it was past tense when I mentioned my 'feeling' on the matter. Note that it says "felt" because it was a personal opinion on my part and that was it. No proof, no evidence, just heresay and conjecture on my part and not admissible in any court I know of.

"quite likely I was the object of Debby's jealousy," :Yup, I said that too though honestly I was patronizing her in the hopes of getting more information as to why she believed that [Hedda] was interested in her, Crazie_ladie and why she had gone nutso at fellow council members. This was also the same conversation I believe that she insisted that [Hedda] was rearranging the Mainstreet member images on Cathug into covert romantic messages to her. >_>

"because Debby used to go around kissing Hedda's ass every chance she got" :Yup I did say that and Sunny will remember that I felt that way because she and I ended up having a very long conversation about it. In fact, I apologized to Sunny for saying so as well as for assuming the wrong things about her and [Hedda] though I steered clear of questioning her about any romantic entanglements she may or may not have had with him since it just wasn't any of my business anyways.

"She had always felt that Debby had a thing for Hedda and likely didn't like the fact that Hedda 'might' also like someone else." :Again, playing along and fishing for information. Why? Because then I still considered Artsie a friend and I was concerned about her sudden plunge off of the deep end. I wanted to see if I could find the source of the issue or at the very least, try and offer reasonable explanations other than the screwed up stuff she was (and is) spewing.

"She then suggested I take my concerns about the virus thingy to Hedda, which is what I did, and so since then," :I did suggest that but that was after I told her that I did not for one second believe Sunny to be capable of doing such a thing out of malicious intent (as tempting as I'm sure it was) and tried to reason with her about the whole thing since such viruses are quite common. I told her to talk to Hedda directly in the hopes that he would set her straight about it and told Sunny about it too since I thought it was ignorant of Artsie to assume that it was done maliciously. I told Sunny because I felt that Sunny had a right to know what she was accused of so she could defend herself.

"I have had this thrown in my face, by Hedda and by Debby." :And I don't blame them one bit you stupid twat. If you're going to assume that there's some sort of grand conspiracy against you, you'd better be prepared for the consequences when the 'conspirators' find out about your paranoid delusions.


So yet again Crazie_ladie has managed to misconstrue any good I thought I was doing and twist it to her own devices. *rolls eyes* I would like to apologize to [Sunrose] and [Hedda] though for any trouble I may have inadvertently caused them by trying to be a friend to that wingnut. If in the off chance I did save the conversation (which I doubt), I'll be sure to post it in its entirety so you can read it yourselves. I may not always see eye to eye with either Sunny or Hedda but I can honestly say I respect them a hell of a lot more than that screwed up, self absorbed, bible thumping twit.

And for any of you who are a shared relation of Crazie_ladie and myself, I don't give a rat's ass if you show her this. I'm pretty sure she'll just go on about how I am just another puppet or Judas who's main goal is to further the ongoing plot to undermine her. Hell, she's already in the process of cleaning out such infidels from the Elf12 crew who dare to have an opinion that she doesn't approve of. I bet the only way she condones your continued 'relation' with me is for the purpose of information gathering so go ahead and let her know what I've said. It'll just make it that much more amusing when everything she's building up to blows up in her face. :P

It continues::

Letter number: 136202
From: [Artsieladie] (Elf12 is just beginning to stir from her slumber..)
To: [Yuriona] (Waiting for the inevitable backlash of retribution)
Sent 22:15:31 (42s ago)
Never read before
Comment to: 136201


I have mulled this decision over and over in my mind many times, because I did not want it to come to this. Even though you choose to cut me down, this is what I just posted in the forum, which is a heck of a lot more than I received:

Retired Vice Mog

After debating this decision for several months and trying to endure other factors that have led me to feel like I'm walking on eggshells here, I have come to the decision of retiring Yuriona and regretfully so. I've been hoping that she and I could work out our personal differences, but I see now that this wasn't about to happen.

I will not forget all that she has done here nor will I forget the fun we had poking each other kidding around. I ask that everyone still treat her with the respect she deserves and acknowledge her many efforts with reverence and honour.

I will not be thinking about replacing her in the immediate future for two reasons. I always felt she was my co-pilot and I've told her so many times. ...And it will be filled only by someone else that I KNOW WITHOUT DOUBT that I can explicitly trust to work with me, not against me. This doesn't mean they have to agree with me all the time, but there is a difference between not always agreeing with and working with for the same goal in mind.

Letter number: 136203
From: [Yuriona] (Waiting for the inevitable backlash of retribution)
To: [Artsieladie] (Elf12 is just beginning to stir from her slumber..)
Sent 22:20:16 (just sent)
Unread
Comment to: 136202


Whatever. If you really want to make such a big deal out of a lame internet site that never amounted to anything but a pain in the ass go ahead. It just means less work for me and more for you.
You are the one who took things personally whereas I just worked and stated my opinion. You are the one who got power hungry and possessive about every little thing. As I've said before, you're just another pathetic zealot enjoying your own idealistic crusade and I'm just another infidel for not falling in line to your regime. So enjoy yourself hun while I get on with my life outside the internet with friends and family the likes of which you will never have. Buh-bye. *waves*


Yeah... tell me she isn't just punishing me for not kissing her ass. I guess she had to take out all her frustration on someone and I was the most likely candidate. After the wiki nonsense on ecm closed sessions' submissions today (Dec 8) though, I knew it was comin'. *shrugs*

Well I knew it was coming since [Artsieladie] is nothing but a mean spirited, vindictive woman (even moreso than myself, I am impressed) but I've been stripped of my privs and jobs at Elf12. Not really a big loss considering the site is dying thanks to her micro managing everything along with sticking her awful, tacky, eyesore graphics everywhere but ya know it still hurt. *shrugs* Whatever. Here's the long, heart felt message she sent me there which I just can't be bothered to read. Enjoy::

Letter number: 136200
From: [Artsieladie] (Elf12 is just beginning to stir from her slumber..)
To: [Yuriona] (Waiting for the inevitable backlash of retribution)
Sent 20:15:25 (109min ago)
Comment in 136201

I have tried my darndest to keep it from coming to this, but you have made it perfectly clear to me several times that you see me VERY unfavourably. You have this right to your opinion as I have mine. But.. I cannot feel comfortable working with you any longer. I need to know that my right hand person has some faith in me at least and you've made this clear that you do not with your statement among several others that you want nothing more to do with me 'anywhere' on the Internet and Elf12 is 'somewhere on the Internet'.

I am sorry it has come to this, but I do not want Elftown politics here and I know that the reason you wrote "arrogant prick" in your house was to try and get me agitated and as part of the ol' ET crap you wanted to bring here. I have yet to hear you explain your actions, but the fact that you haven't, but have chosen to skirt it or get on the defensive about it, tells me that you don't want to tell me the REAL reason behind your stunt.

You even used my Dreamer's Contest to rub salt in my wounds. You want to be like the others, so be it, it's your choice, but not here.

...And no, I will not be filling the Vice-Mog position anytime really soon, because if and when I do, the person will be someone that I KNOW I can trust and someone that I KNOW is with me, not against me.

I will be updating the pages accordingly. I have always thought you to be an above board person, but I guess I was wrong. In spite of everything, I do appreciate everything you have done here and I will not take your credit due away from you, just as I wouldn't from anyone.

The people that work here from now on are going to be people that really do want this site to excel, not as a place to carry over on, from Elftown.

When you feel inclined to stand up and be accountable for your actions, I'll be willing to listen.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
..And just so you can't say that I'm doing anything behind your back.... This is just one more thing that got me to reaching that point of total discouragement, plus the fact that you accused me of conspiracy along with Easterling, Loth accusing me of playing games when I was just doing as Hedda wanted done, and countless other factors, including being made aware of that none of my art, poetry, or anything else was to ever be featured or recognised on Elftown again. Then because I had finally had enough, I was royally punished for this too ...FOR DOING NOTHING WRONG! Maybe this is no big deal along with everything else I'm being forced to put up with, but it is to me, because it is MY reputation that got tarnished FOR DOING NOTHING WRONG, and it's MY work that has been made to look insignificant and these bloody digs about me trying to be a martyr and that I'm just trying to glorify myself can go somewhere where the sun doesn't shine!


"arrogant prick" - Appropriate language on a children's site? ...Especially from the one second in charge and the one that is responsible for reprimanding other members for their inappropriate language? Especially from the one that I've 'thought to be' my right hand and reliable person? The artistic nude was also an issue, but we didn't have anything in place for 'specific' guidelines as far as 'artistic nudity' is concerned, but we do now. It's now to be placed on a password protected page for viewing, so those that do not wish to see it, do not have to look at it.

If anyone here feels this is appropriate language and/or word implication TO BE USED ON A SITE FOR CHILDREN geared for the ages 13 and under with their parents and guardians, please tell me, but please tell me why and how as well.



A report such as this should have never been necessary. It placed me in a very awkward and unnecessary position. This is not something a person second in charge should have done for several reasons. Being that she is supposed to be my right hand person, and supposedly was my friend, I was faced with having to do my job, but still try to give her the benefit of the doubt, and suspecting as well, that it was a deliberate behaviour carried over from Elftown politics. She implies this when she added "*giggles*", like she thought she was being clever or something and I wouldn't see through her intentions? When you do see through certain people's intentions and antics, this is when they get defensive and then try and make it look like you're seeing scenarios that aren't there. Right. People like this don't like it when you can see right through them and their underlying motives and agendas.



Here again I tried to do my job and still tried not to offend her, not to judge her action, and I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, the cavalier attitude I received in her responses just show that she had/has no consideration for me, the site, or its members, and can care less about the wrong she had/has done and she has never once apologised for her behaviour. She has been asked why she did do it by at least two people I know of, and she becomes defensive and always manages to circumvent the issue. Is this a person that I should feel comfortable in working with, especially as the person that I'm supposed to be able to rely on, to work with me, my second in command? I don't think so.




Letter number: 136201
From: [Yuriona] (Waiting for the inevitable backlash of retribution)
To: [Artsieladie] (Elf12 is just beginning to stir from her slumber..)
Sent 22:00:47 (5min ago)
Unread
Comment to: 136200

I knew this was coming. Go ahead and take it out on me then like you have everyone else who tried to help you and ended up disagreeing with you. I don't care any more. No, it still hurts but you've drawn the lines for me in your refusal to be reasonable so go ahead. Enjoy your dying site with your tacky graphics and nauseating colours with your troupe of ass kissers to support you.

You are just another prime example of why I hate 98% of Americans like you: your overbearing sense of entitlement and your complete inability to accept accountability for anything negative. Enjoy what's left of your miserable existence you lonely, overbearing, self serving, self centered woman. Your mother would weep to see what you have become.

For fuck's sakes, if you wanted to know why I didn't change the wiki ownership name back to you, you should've just fucking had the balls to ask me outright instead of pulling this 'boo hoo hoo, everyone is against me its all a big conspiracy' bullshit.

And had you actually had the guts to ask, my response would have been I didn't change it because I consider it a non issue as to who 'owns' a wiki page that essentially is for council use so said 'owner' and/or 'creator' has no right to claim that page as their own. Oh and by the way, you're not a council member any more and therefore no longer have any claim to the god damn thing in my opinion. Especially when all of your 'work' on the page was a) pretty much copy and pasted from another page in the first place and b) had to be totally reworked by those of us who modded because 'your' version was such a fucking eyesore!!

Now get on your fucking high horse and ride out of here already. Go find a real cause to champion like starving kids or teenaged mothers or something.

In response to <blog:1078624>

I know you and I don't see eye to eye on most things and I'll completely understand if you ignore this but I hope you at least read it first since I do mean what I'm about to say:

WELL SAID PAULY!

I can only hope and pray that she chooses to listen. I did try to be supportive and attempted to offer an objective opinion but sadly I was just lumped in as another betrayer. Of course I also admit I behaved poorly after that out of frustration and hurt when she shut me out and said things I probably shouldn't have but its done now and I have to live with the consequences of those actions. *shrugs*
In any case I really do hope she takes your words to heart. *crosses fingers* I'd give a ya gold star but I think my kids ran off with all my stickers. O_o